Tag: poem

Pen Names Explained

This post is especially dedicated to my fellow writers out there as well as to the people who do not quite understand what a pen name is. A pen name for those of you who need a dictionary definition is ” an author’s pseudonym: Also called: nom de plume.” In other words, it is a name that an author/writer uses instead of their real name. One of the pen names I use is eswaller (or something along those lines), especially for my DUP account. It is a way to remain anonymous and hidden, so no one knows your true identity. Although people who know me quite well know that pen name as it still contains parts of my name. I write as my real name on my blog, despite the fact that my blog name is Messy Ties (you can find the explanation of why I came up with that in my very first blog post about 4 year).

A pen name is someone’s identity and it is WHO they are. Terri Guillemets has a great quote that explains it. She says, “Pen names are masks that allow us to unmask ourselves.” In other words, I believe pen names allow us to wear masks while still being who we are. Maybe I did not explain that quite well or maybe I did. I think pen names gives us a chance to unmask who we truly are. Pen names give us some kind of protection like a mask does. And people choose to use different pen names for different reasons. Those are personal decisions. Anyways… I am going to keep this post short since we can go on and on about pen names and their importance and why they exist. I want people to understand a little more about pen names and why they exist. Here is a poem I wrote about why I chose eswaller. I hope you enjoy!!

Eswaller Explained

E as in Elena, named after my dad’s cousin.
S as in Salniker, a family name that crossed
Oceans and escaped persecution years ago.
Waller, another family name that crossed
State and borderlines. Together that makes
Eswaller, unmasked and ready to set my
Pen to paper, living a life I have chosen.
I am proud of the family I come from.

Can’t Break Me

I know I have talked about breaking down. So some of this may sound like a repeat. In this case I am talking about things that cannot break us. Someone may try to break us, but it about getting back up. We are breakable, but we are also unbreakable which means that some things and people can try to break us, but will be unsuccessful. That right there leads me into my first quote. “You’re a diamond, dear. They can’t break you.” Being unbreakable in my mind is a lot like being a diamond or steel because being unbreakable is also being indestructible, which means you cannot be destroyed. In my mind diamond=indestructible.

In this last year and in years past I have learned how to become a strong person despite what people think they know about me. It is like what Denzel Washington said. He said, “You can’t break me because you didn’t make me.” There is so much truth in that one quote because no one can truly break you. You cannot give anyone that power to break you because the truth is that you made yourself. People try to knock you down, but they should know by now that you come back stronger than ever. In all honesty people cannot break you because like this next quote says you have already been broken. “They can’t hurt me anymore, there’s nothing left to break of me, nothing left to take from me.” So in other words they cannot take anything more from you.

I figured this would be a good post to start 2020 with because like I said before, this last year has been learning to become unbreakable despite what people throw my way and what people think they know about me. The truth is that no one knows what I have been through and let’s keep it that way. I want to conclude this post with one more quote. “You will get tired of knocking me down, before I get tired of getting back up. I promise you that!” So do not bother trying to knocking me down because you will realize that it will get you nowhere.

There is so much more that I could say and there is so many more quotes I can include in this post, but I will conclude this post right here. I wish everyone a happy 2020!! This post and following poem is dedicated to all the warriors out there. This poem received runner up position for a competition on DUP. When you look up the definition of warrior in the dictionary one of the definitions is the following: “a person engaged or experienced in warfare; soldier.” So I thank all the warriors out there. Once again happy 2020. I wish everyone a prosperous and healthy new year. Thank you for another trip around the sun. This would be the 3rd year I have had this blog and I want to personally thank all my supporters. Here’s to another year, cheers!!

Warrior

With my heart beating loudly in my
Chest and my sweaty palms I refused
To back down from the challenge that
Was awaiting me. I refused to cry
Any more than I already have. He confused
Me with someone who does not combat

Their demons or shadows every day.
That night I stayed awake until 2 am
Because once again he made me feel
Like I was unlovable, but that one ray
Of sunshine poked through a broken dam
That tried to drown me. I am made of steel

And all the strong stuff. I went right past
The red flags because I loved hard as
I always do no matter the situation or
Person. I am made to survive and last
Long past the winter’s storm. What has
Me down does not matter as I ignore

The doubters and haters because
They think they know my weakness
When in truth they know absolutely
Nothing about me. They never pause
And ask right questions. The bleakness
In my eyes never caused their mutely

Mouths to truly ask me about me.
Instead they ask me about my job
And not enough asking about if I got
Enough sleep. I wonder if they see
What they want to see. A girl bobbing
And weaving to the top. They forgot

That I have obstacles too and that is how
I became a warrior standing on her feet now.

Mantras

I want to end this year (happy early 2020 by the way) with talking about mantras. I know that I have talked about them before, especially in one of my earliest posts back when I first started this blog. When someone looks up the definition of mantra in the dictionary one of the definitions is the following: “an often repeated word, formula, or phrase, often a truism” (dictionary.com). I think of a mantra as something we repeat when we are going through rough times or it can be that reminder we remember every day. Everyone in this world has a different mantra like what Russell Brand says. “Everyone has their own mantra.” There is truth to that because everyone is district and has their own goals or aspirations. For example, my mantra could be different than someone else’s. Why? Who knows, but that should not matter. We are all just trying to make the world a better place and brings something positive. It is like what Sogyal Rinpoche says. “The definition of mantra is ‘that which protects the mind.’ That which protects the mind from negativity, or that which protects you from your own mind, is called mantra.” I definitely have to agree with that quote because a mantra is indeed something that protects us from going to a negative place which leads me to my next point.

I also think that a mantra is something positive because I do not think there is any point of having one that is negative. Robin S. Sharman says, “A mantra is nothing more than a collection of words strung together to create a positive effect.” In other words you are putting this mantra out into the world to create a positive effect and change. A mantra is something to believe in. One of the mantras I have used in the past and I still try to use it whenever I can is: “I’m beautiful and good enough.” You can view my post titled “New Mantra: I Am Beautiful and Good Enough” to learn more about the inspiration behind it. I figured this would be a good way to end the year. Because mantras are important and are a good way to start off the new year as well.

I want all of my readers to think long and hard about what their mantra is. Write it on a post it note and put it in a place you can see it. I know it sounds silly, but say it out loud to yourself every day or you can whisper it. This mantra can be as short or as long as you want it to be. Mantras serve a purpose in life. I hope my readers enjoy my final poem of 2019. The below poem won runner up for a competition on DUP. And I wish everyone a happy 2020! May this next year bring you everything you wished for. Cheers!!

My Mantra(s)

Be myself in a world that is filled
With too many people who pretend
To be someone else. Be a light in
A dimmed or dark room. I build
Myself back up when I spend
Time getting knocked down. Grin
And smile even when I just want
To hide away for a little bit. No one
Can ever take away my dream or
My hope. Spend time and energy
On those who deserve it. The sun
Is right there in the way I ignore
Self-doubt and killers. Yesterday
Is in the past and I am walking
Towards a better tomorrow. I am
Letting the truth spill out instead of
Hiding behind lies. Stop clocking
In and out of prison. Let the slam
Of the door be definite. I will find love.

Cult of Inspiration As An Artist

I know that I have talked a lot about my source of inspiration, especially as a writer and human being. I take pleasure in being a poet because there is inspiration all around me every day. I cannot name a specific thing that I find as my source of inspiration. It could be a situation I have been in or just being an observer of what goes on around me. I just love sharing my thoughts and feelings in every piece that I write. Yes, I do consider myself an artist because I create pictures. I think this quote explains it in the best way. “Art has the power to transform, to illuminate, inspire and motivate.” If I can do at least one of those things with my art then my job is complete. Poetry is not necessarily what we say, but a lot of the time it is how we say it. That is what the next quote by Mahmoud Darwish says. He says the following. “The importance of poetry is not measured, finally, by what the poet says but how he says it.” I can go on and on about inspiration, but I will leave my readers with the following. Being an artist, especially a poet is all about sharing memories, sharing feelings and most importantly sharing thoughts. I hope that everyone enjoys the following poem!! I am going to let this poem speak for itself.

Sharing Memories

The world awaits me, waiting for me to notice
The small ripples in the creek, the tallness of
A mountain or when a couple embraces love.
The world’s beauty is captured through a lotus

Flower that opens its petals for the first time in
Spring and blooms in summer. The steady click
Of a camera; the mental memory. Never be sick
Of the mundane things like raindrops or dry skin

While standing in the middle of a desert because
Being a poet means sharing those moments, big
And small like a heartbreak breaking me like twig,
My heart in half as I clean up the mess. The cause

For concern as I try to navigate through the rough
Terrains of the road ahead and the shadows that try
To entice me. I become observant of tears people cry
As they pretend to be okay and continue to be tough

For the rest of the world on standby. But no one sees
Me watching and observing from the hidden corner
Like a faithful bird watcher. A sorrowful mourner
Who lost love, but it remains in new grown trees,

Roots and flowers. A poet and writer with my pen
Who only wants to write the truth, even if it means
I bring sorrow to an empty table. The truth redeems
 Matters of the heart. Everything is released again.

Being Grateful for the Small & Big Things In Life

It is that time of year of Thanksgiving (just happened last week) and Christmas. Usually for me and everyone else around the world it is a time to reflect on this past year and showing our gratitude. I do not want to make this sound like a repeat from the previous years, but we should be thankful and grateful for the small things in life. There is usually someone who makes us appreciate the small things in life. Whether it is being grateful for the breaths you take or the sunrises you get to appreciate and admire, it does not matter. There is someone in your life who makes everything simply better and makes you happy. It could be a significant other or a family member or friend. This quote about sums it up just right. Marcel Proust says, “Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” I love how that quote compares people who care to make us happy to gardeners. There is such beauty in that one quote!!

There is someone, whether it is yourself or someone important in your life that you are grateful for too. There is this quote that sums it up just about perfectly from Mandy Hale, one of my personal heroes about being grateful for everything life has to offer. She says, “Be grateful for small things, big things, and everything in between. Count your blessings, not your problems.” In other words be thankful for everything life has to offer because they are blessings in disguise and NEVER worry about your problems. I am going to conclude this post right here. I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving and hope that everyone will have a good Christmas next month! Here is a poem as reminder to be grateful for every single moment, big and small. We should all be filled with thankfulness like this poem suggests.

Filled with Thankfulness

Every sunrise on the horizon reminds me
That there is always another day ahead.
Every breath that fills my lungs with air

Minute by minute is a reminder that I am
Alive. A calmness within waves of the sea
After seeing chaos everywhere else fed

The soul that needed water. As my hair
And tears were lost in the wind, the clam
Was opening right before my eyes. So I

Thank you for teaching me to stop and
Admire the sunrise. Thank you for being
My breath when I needed it the most.

Thank you being the calmness in the eye
Of the storm and for giving me a hand
To hold as I lacked strength. I was seeing

The world through new eyes. West coast
Vibes always held me together and you had
Me standing. Nothing could make me sad.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

I want to start off by saying some of this may sound like a repeat. Time is a precious thing in life. We either cherish it or we worry about it. Sometimes time goes by quickly. In life there is such a thing as wrong place and wrong time. Some people point out to me that with the right person there is such a thing as right place and right time. That brings me to a quote by Kabir Bedi who says “Everything has a place and time.” That is so very true. With the wrong person there is such a thing as wrong place and wrong time. That is also very true.

There is this expression/quote that says you meet the right person at the wrong time or you meet the wrong person at the right time. I think that is what a lot of people say, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. I am beginning to think that is wrong as well. That brings me to a quote that says, “The right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person.” In other words it does not matter if it is the right or wrong time that person is STILL the wrong person and deep down you will simply know without a doubt if they are the right or wrong person. Sometimes it is a human tendency to fall in love with the wrong person, but I am not going to get too much into those details right now. It is just how life works sometimes.

Wrong place, wrong time also has a lot do with certain situations besides love. We make a lot of wrong turns sometimes and those wrong turns can either lead somewhere where we are meant to be or it can just make us turn in a different direction. Like I said before, there is no such thing as wrong place and wrong time as Shashi Tharoor says, “There is not a thing such as the wrong place, or the wrong time. We are where we are at the only time we have. Perhaps it’s where we are meant to be.” In other words, there is no such thing as wrong place, wrong time because we are exactly where we are meant to be. Anyways, this is a topic we can talk about for days and days, but I am going to stop right here because this is the right time to do so. I hope you enjoy this poem, which won 1st place in the “Wrong Place; Wrong Time competition on DUP.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

It was fate when you messaged me that night,
Catching up like we were old friends. We had
Not spoken since high school. Years later and
I would learn we were in the wrong place at
The completely wrong time.You were the light
At the end of the tunnel and made every bad
Day better. It was not until I held onto his hand
I knew you and I had soul ties, but I combatted

The feeling we were not compatible. We had to
Take many wrong turns before we finally made
The right turn, but it was the wrong turn too. No
Matter how many chances and opportunities we
Had we were knocking on the wrong doors. You
And I knew after that phone call we would fade
Into nothing, but the memories will always follow.
With you and I there was a love truly lost at sea

With no way to come back from the devastating
Or treacherous storm. Time will stop waiting.

Obsessions

We all have obsessions as human beings in one way or another. Whether it’s perfection, money, fame, love or something else… sometimes we just have to live with this “obsession.” I feel like having an obsession could either be a great thing or something that is extremely bad. When you are passionate about something that could be seen as something good, otherwise I feel like it could be a habit that could turn into something horrible. Anyways, here is a quote about a good obsession from Billie Jean King. She says, “Obsession can sometimes be a good thing! No one changes the world who isn’t obsessed.” On the other side we have some situations in which obsession can be a bad thing, which leads me to another quote. Norman Mailer says, “Obsession is the single most wasteful human activity, because with an obsession you keep coming back and back and back to the same question and never get an answer.” So in other words, obsession can leave you with more questions than answers. A lot of the time that feeling is horrible and can leave you empty.

Sometimes as women especially we are taught to be obsessed with perfection and looking beautiful as we see all of that within the beauty industry. We are also taught to be looking for love from someone else. We are teaching girls all about that and that is the WRONG kind of obsession because outer beauty does not matter as much as our inner beauty. Yes, appearance does matter, especially in professional settings such as when she works, but we should not teach little girls to become beauty queens. That is an obsession that can be carried around for a lifetime. It is something that is forever ingrained. Instead we should be teaching girls and women to be comfortable in who they are. That leads me to my next quote by Sandra Cisneros. She says, “I am obsessed with becoming a woman comfortable in her own skin.” That is an obsession we should be touching everyone, man and woman.

It could lead to something bad later down the road. That brings me to my next quote. Greg Carlisle says, “Anything that inspires addiction or obsession – substances, entertainment, beauty, secrecy – is dangerous in that it can lead to isolation, self-absorption, and disconnection, to paralyzed stasis: an immobility that gathers like a force.” Like I said the wrong kind of obsession can lead to bad habits. I want to end this post by saying obsessions are obsessions. They are things that are deeply ingrained. I have included two poems down below. The second one is a visual poem titled “Obsession with Perfection – Visual Poetry.” I hope my readers enjoy these poems!! Sorry if my post feels like its rambling on and all over the place. There is so much to be talked about in this subject.

Little Obsessions

She was still a little girl who carried her insecurities around like a blanket
And was always obsessed with finding perfection all around her because
She could not find any perfection within herself. She already had cut

Herself too deeply to care if she was still bleeding. She knew the cause
Of her pain, but it was another one of her obsessions to keep it all to
Herself until she was drowning and completely submerged. Her flaws

Are like track marks and a road map on her body, beautiful but not new
To her. I know she tries hard to forget the inflicting words she has heard
Her whole life. Parts of herself that she keeps to herself. When you

Love someone like her, I promise you that she will mean every word
Because for her they come directly from her heart. Her obsession
With words never diminishes because she wants to be a free bird.

E. E. Cummings Tribute

I am trying to switch it up a little bit more these day with what kinds of posts I write here. One of those switch ups is trying to do as many writer/poet tributes as I can. I have done ones about Mary Oliver and Wendell Berry. I am open for future suggestions as well. This one is focused on E. E. Cummings, a writer/poet who is probably well known for his poem [i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]. I came across another one of his poems and decided to look it up after I found parts of it in the book I was reading, The Life and Death of Charlie St. Cloud, which is such a beautifully written book. That poem is titled dive for dreams. It is also a beautiful poem. I have included the text down below with my poem. Tomorrow happens to be his birthday.

dive for dreams
or a slogan may topple you
(trees are their roots
and wind is wind)
trust your heart
if the seas catch fire
(and live by love
though the stars walk backward)
honour the past
but welcome the future
(and dance your death
away at the wedding)
never mind a world
with its villains or heroes
(for god likes girls
and tomorrow and the earth)

dive for dreams (E. E. Cummings Tribute)

Trust your heart and see where it goes  
as it may lead you to a new destination.  
We remember that we are living today  
and may die tomorrow. You carry roses  
and trek through patches of carnations.  
You always follow and trace every ray  
of sunshine with your fingertips, but you  
also dive for dreams. The stars shine just  
for you night after night and never forget  
to live by love. Some day you will want to  
remember your first love and all the trust  
you had as you choose to never regret  
anything. You crawl under the soft duvet. 

Unique & Sacred Places

Let me just say this right off the bat. I love to travel and I have been to so many places already. Places like Australia, Hungary (Budapest), France, Italy, France, Turkey, etc. I am not here to boast about the places I have been to, but the one thing that I love about traveling is seeing all the unique places around the world. We can even see the uniqueness in our own back yard or hometown or a place we have come to call home. I have come to appreciate my hometown that much more because it is so unique. I feel like Wendell Berry says it the best. “There are no unsacred places; there are only sacred places and desecrated places.” There are times when you have to leave that unique place behind, but you learn so much from being in that place to begin with.

You begin to appreciate every place’s beauty and it is like discovering the world’s hidden gems. They are not always easy to find like what Kamaran Ihsan Salih says. “The precious gems are hidden, it is not easy to find them.” That is why I feel like they are called gems. They are precious and hidden very well from our view. Like I said before I have come to appreciate and love my hometown of Oakland, California that much more. I spent so much time there and have so many memories of such an incredible place. There are some lyrics from Adele’s song “Hometown” that speaks to this. “In my hometown memories are fresh.” And that lyric is so absolutely true because in everyone’s hometown there are memories that will be fresh in their minds no matter where they go.

Someday we may go back to our hometown and it could feel the same or different. I always think back to when I went to college and then came back afterwards. In some ways it changed and in some ways it stayed the same. I am going to throw one more quote into this post. Sam Ewing says “When you finally go back to your old hometown, you find it wasn’t the old home you missed but your childhood.” That quote is very powerful because it is not necessarily the place you miss, but it is the memories that you miss instead. I hope that my readers come to appreciate the beauty of their cities or place where they are right now. Enjoy my poem down below about my lovely “unique” place.

Image by Justinite from Pixabay.

Oakland, California

Twenty-seven years of my existence, scattered around and
Hidden within the precious gems of Oakland, where I grew
Up. It is like you keep rediscovering every forgotten nook.
An airport with tearful and heartfelt goodbyes with a hand
That is hard to let go of. With every minute passing through
It gets more difficult to part ways with a place that hooks
You with its charm and hometown feel. It is like luggage,
Lost but then found again among the panoramic views of
The city. The memories that are fresh yet years old, like
The boy I loved here with my heart among the wreckage
And the floorboards that creak beneath my feet. A love
That is lasting longer than the sky’s quick lightning strike.

Change and Shift In Direction

I know I have talked a lot about changes and making changes so sorry if some of this sounds like I am repeating myself, but I am going to also be talking about something a little different. We all go through changes, some major and some minor. Those changes take our lives in a different direction sometimes. That leads me into a quote I have come to love a lot. “In the waves of change we find our true direction.” It is a great quote because when we make changes it gets us closer to the direction in which we are meant to go in. In fact, I am going through a major change this year and it should take me in the right direction. I will not dive too much into detail since the major change is still in process, but maybe once it happens I will share with my readers some day.

Anyways, I found another quote that I also really love by Bryant McGill. He says “The tides of change have great purpose in life.” In other words, changes do have a purpose or meaning in our lives. They mean something. There can also be a change in the destination. So all of this is to say that you should embrace every change and shift in direction because although you may not always know where you will end up you will still go somewhere.

Honestly it is good to make changes especially BIG ones. That leads me to the last quote for this post by Dave Cornthwaite. He says “If you’re feeling like you need a big change in your life just start saying yes more and new things start to happen.” So in other words, say yes to change instead of saying no. I know change is scary, but sometimes we need to shake things up and break away from the same old things. So in conclusion, I strongly encourage my readers to make that change, whether it is big or small. In the end, that change will be worth it. I hope that my readers enjoy my poem!!

Making a Change

Something within my heart led me
Towards you and you embraced all
Of me as the fractured pieces were
Finally beginning to come together.

As I set sail something in the sea’s
Waves and tides changed. The wall
Fell. A different direction spurred
Me forward toward a new weather

Pattern that began to emerge. I was
Leaving behind fog, heartbreak and
Grey skies. Up ahead was sunshine.
I outdistanced the old me by miles

And miles. It was simply because
I never had the courage to stand
There, unable to draw a new line.
I had the same old and fake smiles

Day after day, but you must have
Seen something in me because you
Told me to say yes to the change in
In my heart even as it led me down

Another path, creating utter havoc
Along the highway. It might be too
Tricky someday, but under my skin
My soul is telling me to leave town

And one of the biggest changes of
All is finding another place to love.