Prescient

Hi everyone! I know it has been a long time since my last time. I just realized in fact that I have not written anything as of this year. There has been a lot going on in my life for the last 7 months. I am going to dive right back in and bring you straight into my poem. But let me start off by saying that I had a different title for this poem but then I changed it as of today. It is named after a word I just learned from my former therapist who gave me this word when I shared the following poem with her. When I looked up what it means, I know that it ties into exactly what I am talking about. Before I share this poem I will share what it means. This is the definition according to Merriam-Webster “having or marked by prescience : having foreknowledge : characterized by foresight.”

This poem is about an ex I ran into after 2-3 years of no contact at farmer’s market, not only once or twice but three times. I do not think that it is a coincidence any more. Let us call him G for short (I have told some people I am close with this story). Before I share the poem let me share a quote and then I promise I will share this poem with you all. Judy Belmont says “Forgive yourself for not having the foresight to know what now seems obvious in hindsight.” In other words, do not be so hard on yourself for the obvious signs you should have seen before. Here is the poem as promised.

Prescient
You piqued my interest from day one,
But I did not want to ruin anything.
Girlfriends, situationships and friendships
Came and went. Through it all we were
Still there for each other. We flirted right
On the line, not quite crossing that line.
Then it changed all in one night. You were
The comfort I was missing in my life.
We went from strangers to friends to
Something more and now back to
Strangers again. Running into you years
Later brought old fuzzy memories back.
Eyes that skip right over mine like we did
Not have a past. It looks like you moved on
And I hope for both, especially for her
That you do not hurt nor deceive anyone else.
In the end I cannot hate you forever
And in my heart hope that you are happy.
I deserve my happy ending without you.

When Life is Precious/Delicate

It is hard to believe that this year is coming to an end already. I know that I have not posted anything here in a while. Lots of transitions, as well as many ups and downs. New jobs. Family things. You know how life goes. I really thought long and hard about this topic to end the year with. Life is a precious and delicate thing. Sometimes we take it for granted. I am blessed to have parents I am close with and friends who I am very lucky to have. But that could change in a moment. I was just thinking about it recently especially with the timely death of my grandma Nan who passed away at the age of 98 at the end of September. I have been thinking about it as my parents are getting older too and my dad just turning 85 earlier this month (happy birthday month to my lovely dad).

We need to enjoy and remember every moment with those we care about while they are still here. My grandma was a complicated person, but I never doubted her love for me and people who knew her and know me remind of that every singe day. I choose to remember the good memories instead of the bad or tragic ones. She also very much supported my poetry writing and encouraged me on daily basis. A lot of my earlier work was inspired by her. I get my love of poetry from that side of the family. That brings me into my first and my only quote for this post. I am keeping this a short one. This quote is by Jim Valvano who says “Enjoy your life, the precious moments you have.” That quote sums it all up. We need to enjoy life and remember those precious moments. I once again apologize for not posting as much as I usually do, but maybe my new year’s resolution is to write more on this blog and to still get my poetry collection published. I just want to wish you all a happy new year! May this next year bring you everything you are looking for. Here are two poems to end 2025.

Life Hanging By a Thread

Life is precious and delicate

Like an intricately woven web.

Sometimes you need to know

When to hold on and when it is

Time to let go. Life is about loss

And coping. We are all dealing

With heartbreak or with losing

A family member. We all deal with

Grief and love. Sometimes it is

Better to remember the good times

Rather than the memories that have

Us shed a tear or two. We would

Rather remember who we love in

The present moment rather than

The love we lost months or years

Ago. Maybe none of it matters –

The pain, the hurt, the longing,

The anger or anything in between.

Maybe that is why I protect my

Heart more than anything else

Because it is precious and closest

Thing I have to the honest truth.

Love is not meant for the ones

Barely hanging on. It is meant for

The ones who are strong and capable.

To Grandma Nan

I love you 

The words that 

Rattle around in my head.

How I wish I could have been

There for you in your final moments,

But the guilt I used to carry around

Like a suitcase melts away. Maybe

It is better to remember your last

Words spoken to me rather than 

Seeing you in the flesh because 

I would rather remember you as

You were, loving and supportive

And not hanging on for dear life.

I loved you grandma even when you

Were rough around the edges. 

I loved you when you hugged me

Tightly. I loved you even when 

Your memories have faded,

But your love stayed intact.

Post Meant for March/Women’s History Month (4 Months Late)

I just want to apologize for not posting anything since January. A lot has been going on. I will dive right into this post. This post was meant to be posted in March for Women’s History month and that is what inspired this post. In addition, I am also talking about self worth, which ties hand in hand with the first theme. I feel pretty damn lucky to be surrounded by a community of women, including Ground Up PDX, a place I used to work at. They help women who face barriers to being employed. I learned new skills in their employment program and made some amazing friends along the way. It really shows me how much community and the women around me are very important. This brings me to my first quote of this post. Forest Whitaker says “The true wealth of a community is measured by how carefully it listens to its women and how sincerely it values their wisdom. Empowering women empowers us all.” In other words, when we value women we become more successful as a community.

Sometimes it is hard to find my self worth, especially when I am used to being told no. No, you are not good for this job. No, we do not want you. No, no, no. I try to not take it personally. We are so used to putting the blame on ourselves like we are not good enough, we are not deserving enough, etc. It really has nothing to do with you. It is just simply that it is not the right fit. Whether it is a job, a relationship, etc. it just was not meant to be and that is okay. It just means that there is something better down the line. For example, it took me some time but I think I found the right job. There will be a day when I find the right kind of relationship with someone who is out there somewhere. It takes a lot of soul searching and figuring out what you want but never doubt your self worth. And even if you doubt yourself there are people around, including yourself who do not doubt you for one second.

That brings me into my next and final two quotes quotes. The first of the two is by Michelle Phan who says “I believe that rejection is a blessing because it’s the universe’s way of telling you that there’s something better out there.” This is exactly what I was saying before. There is ALWAYS something better out. The second of the two is by Alan Cohen who says “If you know your true worth, you do not need anyone else to confirm it.” That is why it is called self-worth. It does not involve anyone else but yourself and that is all that matters. I do not want to make this post too long since this post have been long delayed and I do not want to wait any longer. I am so sorry that post took a long time to write but it is finally here. Here is a poem to enjoy. Cheers! P.S. Speaking of community… I am not sure if I shared this or not but if not here you go. I just want to share that my favorite poetry site Deep Underground Community has indeed closed down. It is a sad time because as you all know by now that site meant the world to me. I met so many amazing people and it came into my life when I needed it the most. But the show must go on as usual.

Self Worth

I think you made a mistake in letting

Me go, but I cannot tell you that

Because you must live with that

Decision for the rest of your life.

In the end it is all going to be okay

Because I stand on the shoulders

Of the women who supported me

And helped me move on. Because

That is you did… moving on with

Whoever and whatever came next.

My smile is a little brighter and my

Laughter is a little louder. The nights

Are a little easier to sleep through.

How did I ever think you were the one?

It is okay to be alone when it comes

To romantic love. But love also comes

In an abundance of many friendships,

Enjoying life and being with those

Who make me feel less alone.

I look at the woman in the mirror,

Flawed and willing to whisper to

My reflection You did it! I am

So proud of you and how far you

Came. You survived with a broken

Heart. You made it through the ashes

And every negative thought. You made

It despite broken trust and the feeling

You were not going to make it. You are

Still the same goofy and kind person

You have always been. Never let

Someone else dim your light or think

That you are unworthy just because

They could not see the best in you.

In the end I chose myself and the kind

Of life I wanted to live. I chose to love

Myself and the life I already have.

New Possibilities

Happy new year and 2025 to all of the amazing people this year. This has been quite a year already and the year has barely even started. I am going to dive into my first post and quote of the new year. This post is all about new possibilities. And like I just said a moment ago I am going to dive right into my first quote of the new year. “New day. New thoughts. New strength. New possibilities.” I know that it is hard to stay positive with so many things going on in the world but that should not stop us from finding new possibilities every single day. That brings me to my next quote by Ray Charles who says “There are many spokes on the wheel of life. First, we’re here to explore new possibilities.” In other words, there are so many parts to life and there is always a chance to explore new possibilities.

The following poem is about someone who really opened my life up to new possibilities and I am forever thankful for that person. They were really there for me and it made all the difference in my life at the time. It did not work out the way I hoped with this person but I am glad I took that chance anyways. That is what this post is all about. Taking chances and be open to new possibilities no matter what. I hope that you all enjoy the following poem. I also wanted to conclude this post with one final quote. I am not sure if it is one I have shared before but if not I want to share it with you all. “In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, relationships we were afraid to have and the decisions we waited too long to make.” So in other words we should have no regrets.

I hope that you all enjoy this first post of the new year and the following poem. Once again, happy new year and happy 2025! I am so thankful for everyone who has been on this journey with me. It has been 9 years and counting of messyties. I started this blog 9 years ago in 2016. It feels like it was just yesterday. A very good example of new possibilities and taking chances. This new year is going to be filled with new possibilities and risk taking. Stay tuned…. I have a project in the works for this year and I cannot wait to make the announcement when the time comes!

A World of Possibilities

We were nothing more than friends, 
But something shifted for us that 
Night. It is like being in a dark room 
And then someone turns on the light. 
Suddenly I see every possibility with 
You and us. We do not know the ends, 
Only all the beginnings and all the paths 
We travel on. When the flowers bloom 
We cannot stop them. As we take flight 
Above the scene it is like the wordsmith 
 
In me finally stays quiet and enjoys every 
Moment with you. Within your embrace 
I feel safe and secure. With every kiss and 
Laugh I feel more at home. Maybe we are 
Just a fantasy or maybe this is life throwing 
Us a chance. I will cherish every memory 
With your calloused fingertips that trace 
The deepest parts of me and with my hand 
On your chest. I count every blessing and star 
That comes my way. You are simply showing 
 
Me I am worth it in the thousands of people 
Who walk this earth every day. I am worthy 
Of the love and kindness I give so freely to 
Other people. You show me that the future 
Is bright and full of so many possibilities. 
How is it that you make this life less dull? 
In a life filled with many doubts and worries 
You make me forget every single one. With you 
I forget about all those who once knew her, 
The girl I used to be. With you the infinities 
 
Of stars do not diminish or fade away from 
View. Maybe I will blink and this might all 
Be over soon, but I will never forget the way 
You jump-started the spark in my heart I have 
Not felt for a while. I used to feel like I was 
An abnormal molecule or like a small crumb 
On the horizon, but although now my wall 
Has come crashing down you never stray 
Far from keeping me protected. I never half 
My love or heart for anyone. When the applause 
 
Died down and the curtain closed you were 
Still there, more than willing to be there for me. 
How did I get so lucky to have you in my life? 
A friend and consistent presence that can never 
Be replaced. Just like a quilt you give me warmth 
And shelter. As some things feel like it is blurry 
On the horizon you are clear like the waves at sea 
Welcoming me back with open arms. The knife 
Drops to the floor and I do not want to pull the lever 
On this friendship we share. You are my forever north.

No One to Replace That ONE Person

There is always going to be that one person that you cannot replace. They are truly special. No matter how many times you move on or at least try to they are going to still be there lingering in the back of your mind. This is what this post and poem is all about. That brings me to my first quote of this post by Matsuri Hino who says “No one can be a replacement for another person. That is why, farewells are always difficult.” In other words, farewells and goodbyes are the hardest when that person means that much to you.

I have exciting news about the poem I am sharing in this post. I participated in a competition on DUP. I did not win but I was asked to have my poem published in an online magazine. Here is the link to the the December 2024 issue where it was published. ——> (Hypo Frost Magazine). I hope you all enjoy it! I will leave you with one final quote to end this year. “As the old year makes way for the new, remember that you are the author of your own story.” In other words, you write your own story no matter what. I just wanted to say that this will be my last post of 2024. So I wish you all a happy new year.

No One to Replace You

There are the unfinished poems and unread texts. 
They become the story of my life when everything 
Has loose ends and there is nothing that connects 
To my current or next chapter. I am trying to fling 

Myself into work and diversions, but nothing could 
Ever fill the empty hole like you do. No one can lift 
Me up when all I want to do is melt away like wood 
Floating down the river. No one understands the drift 

And wind I feel in my bones when they are telling me 
That I am going in the wrong direction. No one to tell 
Me that the irrational thoughts and feelings that I see 
Playing in my head are not reality. The truth is I fell 

For the potential instead of the guy standing right in 
Front of me. I fell for the guy I could see a future with 
And who made me feel comfortable living in my skin. 
The simple truth is that you really made the wordsmith 

In me come alive when I have felt dead for days, months 
And years. In every second of every day, you have revived 
Something in my soul. Maybe when I can finally confront 
The fact that I love you is the day when I said I truly lived.  

Collaboration/Working Together

Hey everyone. I know that it has been a long time since my last post. But here I am back again after a three month break. A lot has been happening. I am going to dive back in. As a person and as a writer I love working by myself. It is nice to have solitude and do things on your own, but there is power in working together with other people. That is what this post is all about. It is about collaboration and working together. I am going to dive right into my first and only quote for this post. Mattie Stepanek says “Unity is strength… when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved.” In other words, there is so many wonderful things that happens when people work together. It is a truly magical experience. The following poem is one that I wrote with a fellow writer on Deep Underground Poetry and we won first place. I hope you enjoy!

With Renewed Strength (Written with Verdonna)

And what could I say
That wasn’t already said
Swallowing the words

Come back to me, but it is
Too late as you left me here

Broken in pieces
Unable to recover
Mortally wounded

I was not the same person
You once knew and could control

I outgrew your hold  
and I attempt to patch work  
myself whole again.

You will never break me down
As I will come back swinging

Landing blow by blow  
Crushing you under my fist  
Feel the rage I felt

I will cut you down as you  
Have become my enemy.

Evolution of the Butterfly

I think there is so much we can learn from a butterfly. It comes from a cocoon, turns into a caterpillar and then evolves into a butterfly. It goes through the different stages in life. That is what this post is about and I thought now would be a perfect time to share this post since we are a little more than halfway through the year. To start off I want to bring up a quote by one of my favorite poets, Maya Angelou. She says “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” So in other words, butterflies represent change and becoming a butterfly does not simply happen overnight. A butterfly grows, adapts and goes through life-altering changes. We have to appreciate the changes it goes through to become a butterfly. There is so much more I can say, but I think that I will leave it there.

Blooming Butterfly

From the cocoon she grows
Into something big, lovely,
Bold and majestic. She shows
Us that life is about recovery
And surviving through any
Storm. How I want to be like
Her, flying and even with many
People doubting her despite
Her strength – she conquers all.
She breaks through every wall.

Frida Kahlo Tribute

I have decided to go back to writing tribute posts to certain writers, poets, artists and those I find inspirational. This post is dedicated to Frida Kahlo whose birthday is right around the corner. She was a very influential artist of her time. Her paintings are quite unique. I remember seeing a Frida Kahlo exhibit at the Portland Art Museum. It really opened my eyes up a lot. I have seen a lot of her work over the years. But here is a poem inspired by one of her quotes. Here is the quote I was inspired by. Frida Kahlo says the following. “Fall in love with yourself, with life, and then with whoever you want.” That is about it for this post. Here is a poem to enjoy.

Do Whatever the Hell You Want To

I hope you look in the mirror and
Fall in love with the jagged, broken
And imperfect pieces of you. Your hair,
Body and skin may not be perfect, but
You, my darling, were never handed
A map for perfection. You have awoken
From a deep slumber as your love affair
With yourself is beautiful. Trust your gut

Instinct life is beautiful and so are you.
Your mind and body go to war, but fall
In love with your life instead of worrying
About who is going to love you. Some
Day you will fall in love with someone who
Is meant for you, never letting your wall
Crumble like a castle. You are freeing
Yourself from expectations. You are the sun.

Moving on From Heartbreak

I know this is a subject I have talked about many times. But I thought I would share some more thoughts on this subject, especially the aftermath or what happens after the heartbreak. I have to admit that I have had my heart broken at least a few times. It is something that is hard to move on from and it takes time to really heal. It could take days, weeks, months and some times even years to really move on. There is no definite timeline for how long it takes because it varies person to person. That is why we should not be defined by our heartbreaks because we have all experienced at some point or another. That brings me into my first quote of this post. “You are not defined by a heartbreak. You are defined by how you rise above it and move forward.” In other words you should never be judged or defined by how you experienced heartbreak, but by how you go above it and move on. It is as simple as that.

It is better to move on than stay and dwell on it. It is okay to sit and reflect on it for a little bit, but at some point you have to move on. I know that it is hard to see the good side after a heartbreak, but there is a good side to getting heartbroken, trust me. That leads me to my next quote. Heidi Klum says “I’ve been heartbroken. I’ve broken hearts. That’s part of life, and its part of figuring out who you are so you can find the right partner.” In other words, heartbreak is a part of life. It really tests and makes sure the right people are in your life. I have been on both ends of heartbreak. I have been on the giving and receiving ends of it. Either way it is no fun. But at the end of the day you deserve the right person/people in your life. I could probably go and on about this subject, but I will conclude right here.

I will leave you with one final quote and apologies for it being so long, but it essential. “Heart break. Everyone at some point in their life is going to experience it. And, you know what?It’s probably one of the most painful things a person has to go through. I’m not going to lie. When you get your heart broken, it feels like it shattered into a million pieces. It’s like that person you were head over heels for stomped mercilessly on your heart. It feels like your heart is being shredded to pieces, cut up, and thrown in the trash, left to rot. It hurts a lot, emotionally and physically. Getting heart broken actually makes your heart physically hurt. You cry and cry and wish it wasn’t like this. You wish it was just a temporary nightmare. But, the sad truth? It’s not. It’s reality. And you’re going to just have to accept it, the pain and all.” In other words, heartbreak hurts, but you just have to accept it all and move on. Here is a poem to enjoy. Cheers!

Moving On from Heartbreak

I stood waiting for my heart to repair
Itself but little did you know you had
The power to break it. That despair

I felt did nothing to replace the bad
Feeling I had that this was the end,
But I still have to protect and clad

Myself in the finest armor to send
A message you could never break
Me or my heart. You left me to fend

For myself as the wolves would take
Everything I once held sacred. You
Mistook my kindness for a snake

You can easily get rid of. As my blue
Sky came back to life I knew in this
Moment I would be ok. You misconstrue

What it took me to move on. My bliss
Would not be destroyed by your abyss.

Spring

I know that I have probably talked about spring before, but I thought I would love to talk about it again. Spring is one of my all time favorite seasons right up there with fall. This winter has been particularly brutal in Portland so I know I have been looking forward to spring this year. I will dive right in with a quote by Jen Selinsky who says “The promise of spring’s arrival is enough to get anyone through the bitter winter!” In other words, just thinking about spring is good enough to get us through those winter blues. There is something amazing about warmer days and flowers that come into bloom. There is nothing better.

I do not want to make this post super long. I will conclude with one final quote. This one is by Rainer Maria Rilke who says “It is spring again. The earth is like a child that knows poems by heart.” Like I said before there is something amazing about spring. It is truly magical and wonderful. Go out there and enjoy. I know that I will do the same. Enjoy the following poem!


Spring
There must be something in the spring air
As the ice and frost melts from our bones.
Winter is far behind us in the rear view
Mirror. Rosy cheeks and happiness that
Creep in like splattered sunshine. Our hair
Blowing in the wind as there are unknowns
In world, but just like we know spring to
The core we know that there is attraction
To warmer days and flowers blossoming.
There is something truly magical coming.