Tag: poem

Self-Reflection

I just recently posted a poem I wrote for a competition called “6 Years Ago Today…” on DUP. I ended up winning, but that is besides the point. One of the first people I met and connected with from the very beginning of my time on DUP was Ahavati. She is someone I have looked up to and is in a sense someone I would consider as a mentor. She commented on my piece and she said the following. ” This is classic Elena laced with open honesty. Good to see you posting again!  Despite our future obstacles, it’s amazing how much we see we’ve grown when we look back.  It really provides perspective.” Her comment led me to think about how far I came and this poem/competition gave me a chance to self-reflect. And it is true, I have come a far way despite the challenges and obstacles. That comment led me to think about this topic of self-reflection.

As I thought about 6 years ago, which was 2013 for me, it was a time when I was in my last year of college and it was a time when I was still trying to find myself in this crazy world. I did not know what the hell I wanted to do. I thought I wanted to do theatre since that is one of the things I really love. Although I am not doing much theatre now, a part of me still loves it and misses it. That is besides the point too. I feel like self-reflection is a must or an essential tool to use to get through life. I love this quote that I found about that very idea. “Self-reflection is necessary to dig beneath our own layers and visit the inner crevices of our heart and mind to develop an understanding of life.” What I must add to that quote is that self-reflection is also a way to develop an understanding of ourselves. It ties it to our past and how to create a better future for ourselves.

I feel like self-reflection is a way to tie our pasts to our now and future. Self-reflection is used in any parts of our lives, but is most definitely used after a relationship’s breakup and/or after a job’s end. That reminds me of a quote I found by Robert L. Rosen who says, “Self-reflection entails asking yourself questions about your values, assessing your strengths and failures, thinking about your perceptions and interactions with others, and imagining where you want to take your life in the future.” I feel like that is why we learn so much after relationships and jobs end. We take what we like and leave behind what we do not like. Everything in life is a learning experience and we learn more about ourselves, as well as where that takes us in the future. Those are the two pivotal moments in which self-reflection is used most.

I thought I would talk about self-reflection since we are now more than half way through the year and it is a great time to see how far we come. I will leave you all with one more quote by Paul TP Wong who says, “Time spent in self-reflection is never wasted – it is an intimate date with yourself.” Like I said before, it is a way to get to know yourself and it never is a waste of time. Anyways, I encourage my readers to self-reflect and really see how far we have all come. We learn so much and gain so much perspective when we look back. Here is my poem I was talking about earlier. I hope everyone enjoys it!!

6 Years Ago

Six years ago, I was just someone
Who was trying to find her place
In this world filled with chaos and
Uncertainty everywhere she went.

Back then I was trying to outrun
My old demons and tried to face
That I might not be able to stand
On my feet. Everything was bent,

Twisted and all out of shape back
Then. My friendships were tested
And we all made memories along
The way. There were some days in

Which I thought I would be off track
Or lost forever. My lungs, congested
With yelling, laughter and my song
Made me comfortable in my skin.

Younger Version of Ourselves

I know it is has been a while since I’ve posted here, but here I am back again. Things have been crazy as things are shifting in my life and I will share some of those shifts with you all when everything feels a little less chaotic. I was just talking about this with a friend the other day. We image ourselves when we were at a younger age, let’s say like 5 to 10 years ago. It is amazing how we pictured our lives back then and how we have come to our life today. It could have been different than what we imagined. I wish I can sometimes go back to give myself advice now that I have been through things and experienced what I would call life’s struggles.

I was also thinking about this recently because my mom and I just went to the retirement party of my 2nd grade teacher and principal at Emerson Elementary School. I was super lucky to have her as both. Plus she and my mom did a lot of work together when my mom worked in the after school program at Emerson. She was one of the best teachers I had and sometimes there are people out there who shape us to be the person we become as we get older. In fact, after my mom and I spoke at her party on the microphone, Mrs. Hodge (who we were honoring) whispered in my ear how proud she was of me. And to me that meant the world.

So, yes I do sometimes wish I could go back and change things, but there are also times when I am happy how things have turned out because I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by amazing people from the time I was a young child to my adult years. But if I were to give myself any advice, it would be something along the lines of this quote/list I found (courtesy of Sagar Parviz Ali). I would give the same list and advice to some else who is young (or young at heart). And I wholeheartedly agree with what is on this list. What follows after this list is a poem I wrote to my younger self.

Advice to my younger self:

  1. read more
  2. write more
  3. practice public speaking
  4. value friendships
  5. memorizing is not learning
  6. learn to invest
  7. you are not your job
  8. know when to leave
  9. find a mentor
  10. trust your gut
  11. solve harder problems
  12. don’t brag
  13. don’t pretend

To The Younger Me

Dear Younger Me,

 

I wish that I could say that this life could be clearer,
But you still have many more roads to walk and many
Mountains to climb. You should look into the mirror
To appreciate everything you are becoming. Have plenty
Of smiles, hugs and laughter to give around because you
Never know who might need it on a rainy day. Never let
Anyone tell you to just be beautiful because you have blue
Skies on the inside as well. You have thoughts, but you get
Inside of your head too much as an over thinker. Enjoy
Your youth and happiness because you deserve that above
Everything else in life. Never some bad things or silly boy
Sidetrack you. Nobody ever said that heartbreak and love
Was going to be easy or simple. Some day you are going
To find a guy who you gave your all to, but it just was not
Meant to be. He is going to break you as he is showing
You what that pain would feel like. You never forgot
What that felt like, but never be afraid to walk away
From the table when you feel like it does not serve
You the right way. You may stumble and may sway,
But someone will give you everything you deserve.
Do not stop exploring or watching the world all around
You because you deserve a world with color and sound.

…And lastly, love this life to the fullest because you never
Know when it is going to give you that final push of the lever.

From Me

Falling Apart

We all have those days right? Those days when things just do not go right and we begin falling apart. It happens to all of us at some point or another, but sometimes we wonder who or what is there for us when we have those days or moments when we do fall apart. I am so lucky I have some people who have been there for me when I feel like many things in life are falling apart, but there are some days when I feel no one is there to see me in those moments when I fall apart. In those moments you feel so alone and helpless. What sucks is that some people leave you when life is falling apart. I do not want to make this post any longer than it has to because I think I have talked about some of this stuff before. I will conclude this post with a quote by Marilyn Monroe and a poem. Here is what Marilyn Monroe says. “I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they’re right. You believe lies so that you will eventually learn to trust no one, but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” In other words, things, including yourself fall apart for a reason and there are better things that will fall together. Sometimes you just have to wait and be patient. Finally, here is a poem for you. I hope that you enjoy it!

When I Fall Apart

I come to you with my vulnerability and heart
Covered in imperfections, blemishes and scars.
Darling, you are there to watch the bright stars
With me, but when I want to be brave and dart

Out into the middle of the rain will you join me?
We will be wet and dripping with all of the tears
Streaming down my face. Sometimes those fears
Come in like the moonlight and the shadows I see

Creeping In the middle of the night, but will you
Keep them at bay for my sanity? Will you catch
Me when I keep on falling? Like a gate’s latch
You are my safety net, but is it ever enough to

Keep me from running away or falling apart? I
Have no one else to turn to when I cannot love
Myself enough to be keeping doubts away. Of
Another place and another time I would try my

Best to love you back with all that you deserved.
Honesty, loyalty and every inch of me. All from
My mind, body and soul, but I am too numb
To feel anything in this lifetime. I have reserved

Too many spots in my heart for someone to take
And take, giving nothing back in return. I am sick
And tired of it all. So who is there for me? A brick
And wall over my heart to keep away the ache

People are afraid to keep a hold on. They are leaving
Me to carry the hurt, but I someday I will stop grieving.

Family History

For people who know me this is going to sound like a repeat just a little bit. I want to talk about something that is important, especially to me, which is family history. Now, I know some of you do not like talking about it, especially if it is painful or it is unknown. Growing up, whenever we had to do one of those family trees, I always did my mom’s side of the family since that is always the side of the family I was familiar with or knew a lot about, but there was always some questionable parts to my mom’s family like my grandfather’s parents (my great-grandparents), especially since my grandfather’s mom was adopted and we never really knew much about her because of that. As it turns out and we just discovered this recently that my mom’s side of the family is Jewish as well.

Anyways, as I grew up and became an adult, I have been connecting with my dad’s family, maybe because of the family reunions when we would go visit St. Louis or maybe because I met my namesake’s adult son or maybe I just wanted to know more about his family’s history. Family stuff is hard to talk about because a lot of my dad’s family was lost in the Holocaust and he lost both of his parents. I would have loved to meet them because they sounded like truly wonderful people, but then of course my brother and sister would have not been named after them. I think knowing things about my family, especially my dad’s side of the family, unlocks something inside of me. It is like a quote I just recently found. “Learning your family history is the key to unlocking who you are.” In other words, knowing your family and what what they are about helps you become who you are. It is like there is this whole generation that came before you.

My dad’s side of the family came to this life for a better life. That is what this country is all about and that is the very foundation of what this country was built on. We welcome people from all sorts of backgrounds from all parts of the world, regardless of age, gender, sex, race, religion, etc. We should welcome everyone with open arms, after all because this country was founded by immigrants. If my dad’s family were alive to this very day, they would be highly disappointed for how backwards this country is going. The very reason my grandparents came here is now the reason why people are being turned away. People who are looking for a safer place to be than where they used to be are being told to not come here. Asylum seekers are being turned away and I am disappointed, but I am not here to get into politics because then people argue and disagree about it.

The whole point of this post is to remind people to honor and remember our family history because there will be a day when those stories will be forgotten or will not be passed down to the next generation. That will definitely be a shame because we have to remember who we are and where we came from. After all, we carry parts of our family history and heritage with us. Here is a poem to honor my family, especially my dad’s side.

A name I was given that is derived from Helen, meaning the bright one and
The shining light. Beautiful like Helen of Troy, but I was named after my
Dad’s cousin Helen Greenberg Palkes, who went back to school and got her
Degree. She never gave up her dream of working with kids. I always stand
Proudly alongside her although she is no longer here, but I will always try
To let her legacy live on inside of me years later. She never let anyone deter

Her from what she was meant to do just because she was a woman ahead of
Her time. Her son Henry told me this story of Helen making a kid stop crying
In a grocery store when she had a lollipop. The same woman who introduced
Quality family time at the dinner table and had a heart full with so much love
For other people, regardless of age, gender or race. An angel with an undying
Love for someone she never got a chance to meet and I am seed she produced.

My dad’s family name that goes back many generations and we cannot ignore
Its history or bloodshed like when his family narrowly escaped the Holocaust.
They came to this country for a better and new life. They planted the seed for
Prosperity and the next generation of Salnikers to live a life they never crossed

Like a bridge. Some of them never seeing anything, but death and hopelessness.
They emerged from danger, knowing that when they make it to the other side
Of the world the pieces will heal from this world’s brokenness and sadness.

A name which is sewn together like a beautifully interwoven tapestry, rich with
So much history and strong family pride. A name etched into stone and concrete.

Dedication to Dr. Seuss

I have been a huge fan of Dr. Seuss from the time I was a kid until now. Yes, his work is full of silly rhymes and childlike things, but his work is very meaningful, even in today’s world. I loved a lot of his books like “Green Eggs and Ham,” but one of my favorites is “Oh, the Places You’ll Go” and in fact, I got that book as a graduation present from my parents. No matter what age you read that book at it is still a great book to have in your collection. And here is an excerpt from that book.

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

I wanted to keep this post short, but I also wanted to show my appreciation for Dr. Seuss. So here is a piece I wrote and I got first place for it on my favorite site DUP, which I have talked about before. Here it is and happy reading!! And thank you Dr. Seuss for being such a huge inspiration! Happy birthday to you.

All the Places You’ll Go! (A Take on Dr. Seuss)

You are traveling to cities and meeting new faces.
You are exploring every new culture and lose traces
Of your previous life. You find new people to fall
In love with and you will have stories to tell. The wall
Will be crumbling and is falling at your awaiting feet.
There are many snow-capped mountains you can defeat.

You conquer anything. Oh, the places you’ll go! And
Yes, you will be on your merry way to stand
Tall against the naysayer’s nonsense. You have smarts
Locked in that big brain of yours and have many hearts
Made of gold beating in your thick-skinned chest.
You choose all you want to be different than the rest.

Oh, the places you’ll go! Memories made among stars
And between blades of grass. Your imperfect scars
You forget about as you closed your eyes and this world
Takes you to a different galaxy. The thoughts that uncurl
And you stand there fully transfixed. You will arrive
At your destination with unmeasured breaths. You drive

Down the west coast with the wind in your hair. Oh,
The places you’ll go! Life is like a fireworks show
Because all you can do is sit back and enjoy it before
It passes you by. You will be watching a new door
That opens and see sights from a bird eye’s view.
Tears sprouting from your eyes helped you as you grew.

Remember the smiles and every time you got splattered
Messes on your clothes. You thought you never mattered
Or would make it, but there you are saying to yourself…
Oh, the places you’ll go! Your love stays on the high shelf
And someone will be lucky to get it one day, but you walk
Your streets. You are like Mary, but ahead of her flock.

Mary Oliver Tribute

As I became older in age I also became a huge fan of Mary Oliver. Her work is simple, but also very rich. I just wanted to write a post dedicated to her since she recently passed away. I have a few of her books, but one of my favorite poems in hers is called “The Journey,” which goes like this:

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do –
determined to save
the only life you could save.

I wrote a poem that is a spin off of that poem, but before I share it with you I wanted to explain more why she is one of my favorites. I love a lot of her poems, but she also paved the way for the next generation of writers and poets. She shares her wisdom and she makes me become a better poet. There are so many of her quotes that are quite amazing, but there is one or two that stick out to me. The first one is, “So tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one and precious life?” In that quote she asks us what we are going to do because we only have one life and we each have a different plan/path to follow. The second quote is, “For poems are not words, after all, but fires for the cold, ropes let down to the lost, something as necessary as bread in the pockets of the hungry.” In other words, poems are not just simply words, but they are something that is necessary and essential for everyone. They almost always bring some sense of hope. That is what I like about Mary Oliver. She is someone who provides that hope and fire. I love that her pieces focus on nature too.

So here is that poem that I wrote in tribute to Mary Oliver. It is also a poem I submitted for a competition on DUP and won runner-up for it. Wherever you are Mary Oliver, I hope you rest in peace. I strongly encourage all of my readers to read her work. I know that you will not regret it.

The Journey (After Mary Oliver)

The journey starts with one small step. It is one step into the world
Where the tides and waves all rush to meet at your feet as you walk
In the sand on the beach’s shoreline, following endless words curled

On forgotten pages. Above all the endless noise, chatter and the talk
Of those around you is where you begin to find your bearings. It is
When you see the stars and you are away from the advice of a hawk

You find your voice. You want someone else to come fix and un-fizz
Your life like the aftermath of a chaotic storm or glass of champagne,
But it starts within you. You pried and took the truth from her or his

Delicate fingers. They may blame it on the wind because with the rain
It knocks everything sideways and makes everything damp, but you
Have to do what you needed to do all along. The naked truth may stain

Their souls, making them yell why? But someday when the sky is blue
Again they will understand that it was all a part of the journey. It was
All a part to saving one life, which is only yours. It may echo through

The empty house that might tremble like an earthquake, but the buzz
Finally clears and you stand there with the answers that make sense.
It is like all the overgrowing weeds and the clouds that used to cause

Worry has disappeared into the surrounding atmosphere. The fence
That separates you from the rest of the world has crumbled into ash.
It is like life’s naysayers, worries and doubts are all in the past tense

Because what happened in the past has no place in the now. You dash
Into the pouring rain so you can feel alive and to hear something other
Than the voices that live in your head. There are days when you crash

And burn, but you still keep going on with one step at a time to another
Fork in the road. Where should you go? Whichever way gets you further.

Superpower

I have really been into the superhero stuff these days, especially with the things I watch on Netflix like The Flash, Supergirl, Marvel’s Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., etc. They all have different superpowers like strength, speed, etc. I always thought about what my superpower would be if I were a superhero. I think I will stick with either invisibility or strength. Those seem like good options. I am going to give you a quote from the man of steel himself, Superman. “You’re much stronger than you think you are. Trust me.” And he is right. We are stronger than we think we are. I think strength not only comes from the outside, but within. We just have to trust that we are strong. We do not have to be as strong as Superman or Superwoman, but strength makes us powerful. So go ahead and find your superpower because someday the world might need it!! Here is a poem I wrote for a competition about having strength as a superpower on DUP. As it so happens I won. Here it is… Enjoy!!

Strength of Armor

Can you feel all my strength? It is strong enough to lift
Mountains that have tried to tear and weigh me down.
It is radiating even stronger than Greek God Krato’s gift,
Being strong enough to tear through this dead end town
And all it’s no good people. It is powerful enough to start
Every tornado or hurricane that touches down and slams
Into the west coast shoreline. My precious and gold heart
That will be leaving everyone behind in pieces while I am
Still standing here with my indestructible, yet solid armor.
People want a war? Well, they got one once they stand in
My way or path of destruction. I am a beginner and starter
Of every fire. I help everyone drown in his or her own sin.

Dark Room

I think I have talked about darkness before, so this may sound a little like a repeat. We have all been in darkness at some point and this may sound a little weird, but we may have all been in a dark room at some point too. I am going to leave that up to interpretation because everyone has their own definitions of darkness and a dark room. I think of it like when you are home alone and you sleep in your dark room. It can be scary and nerve wracking for sure. You may try to turn on the TV or listen to music or doing something to calm your nerves. There are some people who do enjoy it. Either way you learn so much about yourself and there are so many things that can happen. I feel like we are blessed to have things that are dark because it makes us appreciate it that much more. You have to trust it or as one of my favorite hip-hop artists, Kendrick Lamar questions in his song, Poetic Justice with Drake, “If I told you that a flower bloomed in a dark room, would you trust it?” In other words, you have to believe in the darkness and dark room regardless of what happens in this world.

I do not believe that people realize that a dark room is a sacred place. We have all cried, laughed and done other things in between these four walls. I guess in a way they hold our secrets and the truth. It is something to be thankful for as silly as it sounds. I guess what I am saying is to embrace the darkness and dark room as much as you embrace the light, as well as everything else in life. You never know what you might discover in a dark room. Sure, you cannot see as much, but you trust your eyes and things that you may not always see, but sometimes you can feel it. I think I finally found a quote that describes it a bit better. “If you are in a pitch dark room, wait for a few seconds and your eyes gradually start seeing! Patience gives clarity.” In other words, you begin slowly adjust to being in darkness. People are afraid to be in a dark room, but you never know until you try.

In This Dark Room

The dark room begins swaying and tilting.
How the hell did I get here? Maybe I had too
Many shots and drinks from the night before.
I remember your gaze, burning and wilting
Something deep within my fiery soul. You
And me finally all alone with a locked door.
No one was around to watch. I really wanted
To take you home, but we never got that far
As your hands wandered all over me and my
Body. I could not breathe. You have a haunted
Presence that I cannot shake off. Every scar
Is hidden away. We cannot see the blue sky
Inside the darkness anymore. I wish I could
Retain the color of your eyes before the lights
Went out and when our clothes slowly began
Disappearing.  I want to recall all of the good
And clear memories. We all have dark nights
And shadows, but you are always the same man
Within these four walls. Right here is where we
Made a lifetime of moments and memories. No
Truer words spoken than in a room that holds
Our secrets closely. A sacred place that will see
More to come.  No sunlight, but we will grow.
In time everything becomes beautiful and unfolds.

Beginning of Autumn/Fall

Hi everyone. We are halfway through October and I know it has been a while since I posted. Fall is definitely upon us and there are so many things to like about fall like the leaves changing or the change in weather. Whatever it is, I can think of very few reasons to not like fall or maybe I am just biased because it is definitely one of my favorite seasons. The one thing I do not like is the days getting shorter. It is a way to say goodbye to summer and hello to fall/autumn. Here is a quote about fall that I have come to really like. “Autumn paints in colors summer has never seen.” I think that is why autumn is one of my favorite seasons. We get these vivid colors like orange and red, which is different than summer. So I wish my readers a happy fall/autumn. Stay warm and toasty, my friends!! Happy reading.

The Man in the Arena

I am going to do things a little different because this post is going to be a little bit different. This post is inspired by a competition I took part in on DUP and I won this particular competition just recently. The host of this competition took an excerpt from Theodore Roosevelt’s “Citizenship In A Republic” speech which was delivered at the Sorbonne in Paris, France on April 23, 1910. It goes like this… “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” So I took some inspiration from that and wrote a poem based on my interpretation of that speech. Here you go. Cheers!!

Still In the Arena

The glory that is smeared all over my blade like blood.
The crowd may laugh and point at me because I got dirt
On my face, but they duck for cover as they hear the thud

Of feet heading their way. They are all cowards as I hurt,
Stumble, and feel the pain, but I still stay upright. My
Enemy is not the one with sweat all over his torn shirt.

I am the one who is still staying in the arena, eye to eye
With my fears and doubts all on display, but I am not
Scared of failure. I am not terrified of those tears I cry

As they splatter because I made it through every knot.
I survived as everyone around me whispered and crude
Remarks kept coming my way. Every battle that I fought

Was not for the applause or for the ones who screwed
Me over, but for the one who has shown up day after day
And was ready for every fight, me. My hope was renewed

And my faith was stronger than ever before. Every ray
Of sunshine could never shine too bright and the rain
Could never keep me inside. The rocks that try to weigh

Me down feel weightless as feathers and the windowpane
Has no beauty compared to what is happening in the arena.
I am the last one standing and I have gone against the grain.