HOPE

Hope… it is one of those words, that stands out, especially during these weird and strange times of the Corona virus. We all hope, it is in our human nature. It allows us to have some positivity in this crazy world. I will dive right into the first quote of this post by Desmond Tutu. He says, “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” So in other words, hope is something that shines bright like the light despite the darkness that surrounds it. When at least one person has hope it makes the people around have hope as well and I honestly think that makes the world a better place. I would hate to bring more negativity into this world when we already have so much in this world like death, Coronavirus, war, global warming, etc. We all have to be a guiding light like a lighthouse for example. That brings me to my next quote by Jennifer Gayle. She says, “Be a guiding light, a safe harbor, a beacon of hope, and a solid foundation for those around you.” In other words, become a beacon of hope not only for yourself, but for those around you. You have no idea who is watching you and you always want be that kind of inspiration for others to follow.

It is like what I said before because if we become a beacon of hope it will encourage others to do the same. People should be able to see that beacon of hope on the horizon. It shows us that there is possibility despite everything that has happened in the past. We just have to keep pushing and going towards that light of hope. This is why I am encouraging my readers and everyone else to really be that light and hope because we all really need it! I want to conclude this post with one final quote by Eleanor Roosevelt (one of my personal heroes) who says, “Surely, in the light of history, it is more intelligent to hope rather than to fear, to try rather than not to try. For one thing we know beyond all doubt: nothing has ever been achieved by the person who says: it can’t be done.” In other words, it would be wiser to have hope rather than fear and to try rather than not trying. We should also not listen to those who say that it can’t be done. Hope is the one thing that can get us through the bad times. I hope that my readers hang onto that hope really tightly. We will all get through these weird and strange times I promise! It may take time, but we will get there. I also want to take the time to wish my mom and all the mothers out there a happy Mother’s Day! I love you mama and I am lucky enough to have not only one mother, but 2. Happy Mother’s Day to my second mom, Susan!!

Visual poem titled “HOPE.” Photo by Ron Smith on Unsplash.
Visual poem titled “Beacon of Hope.” Photo by Marc-Olivier Jodoin on Unsplash.

Never Give Up & Keep Trying

I wanted to post this with everything else that is going on in this world. I know it is hard to stop trying or to give up altogether, but we cannot get to that point. Yes, we do fail many times, but we cannot let that stop us from still trying. If my readers want to see an inspirational video about this topic click here (maybe once you are done with reading this post and poem/song). Growing up I thought I wanted to be an actress. When I went to college I majored in Theatre-Arts with a focus in acting because that is what I always wanted to do. I was always one of those people who constantly heard no, especially for job interviews or for auditions. In hindsight, maybe they were not the right fit for me. I remember one time I did not get into a play that I auditioned for or maybe I chose not to audition for it, I cannot remember. But I ran into a friend who ended up getting in and he said that he’s so glad I was not a part of it because it ended up not going well at all. That leads me to my first quote of this post by Jay Ellis and this one goes out to my fellow actors and actresses or anyone who has to go out for auditions. It could be for a job interview as well. He says, “When you go out and audition, you’re going to hear a lot of ‘No’s.’ As weird as it may sound, you almost have to love hearing ‘no’ because you’re going to hear it way more than you hear ‘yes’.” So in other words you have to get used to hearing no instead of yes a lot of the time. It hurts, but it is the honest truth.

I remember I sent in a job application for a summer job that I was really excited about. I felt defeated after they told me no. I remember I told my parents and my dad responded with “Bummer. Add it to your collection and post it when you are a huge success! Make them sorry.” I had to chuckle a little bit at my dad’s text (I took a screenshot of that text and still have it saved on my phone), but my dad was so right. I did not and should not let that get in the way of applying for more jobs. I think all those nos lead to a better yes later down the road. My point is this, do not be afraid to try. As scary at is to try it may become much worse if we do not try. That leads me to my next quote of this post. “Don’t be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try.” In other words, do not be afraid of failure because we all experience failure, even the most successful people in this world have failed countless of times and we should be more afraid of not trying. When you do not give up and keep trying goes hand in hand. In fact, those are just some of the thing we can do to live a full life. That leads me into this next quote by Roy Bennett who says, “There are five important things for living a successful and and fulfilling life: never stop dreaming, never stop believing, never give up, never stop trying, and never stop learning.” Those five things are crucial, especially never stop trying and and never stop giving up, especially to make a point in this post.

I want to conclude with one last and final quote from one of my favorites, Shel Silverstein. He was the one who wrote “Where the Sidewalk Ends,” “The Giving Tree and some others that I really like. If you have not read any of his work you definitely should, especially “The Giving Tree” because although it is sad it teaches a valuable lesson. Anyways this is what he says. “Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” In other words, there are so many possibilities despite all the nos and you can never let any of that stop you ever!! You never know what is on the horizon, especially if it is something better than you could possibly imagine. The below poem is supposed to be song lyrics, but I have not quite gotten to it to that place. Stay tuned in because at some point I may actually turn it into a song, you never know. But to my readers, I encourage you to keep your heads up and never give up! Cheers! I am rooting for each and every one of you.

Keep Trying

You lost your pieces trying to fix or save
Someone else and when you looked in
The mirror you are never too happy with
What you see. Baby I know that you gave
Your love, trust and it never felt like a win.
Trying is something you imagine like a myth

And do not let that keep you from giving up
Because when you are thinking that your cup
Is half empty it is really half full. You have so
Much to offer the world. Your smile and glow
Are your secret weapons. Never let the world
Take it away from you. Your toes are curled
Up in happiness as you shout it out to anyone
Who is listening, I am trying and I am not done!

With every twist and turn you are heading
Down a road with no way to go, but up and
Ahead. In your mind it was never about any
Of the fame or fortune, but about shedding
Layers that weighed heavy. Every no stands
In the way. You realized that there are many

And do not let that keep you from giving up
Because when you are thinking that your cup
Is half empty it is really half full. You have so
Much to offer the world. Your smile and glow
Are your secret weapons. Never let the world
Take it away from you. Your toes are curled
Up in happiness as you shout it out to anyone
Who is listening, I am trying and I am not done!

Louise Glück Tribute

I am continuing my tribute posts to specific poets/writers I feel like deserve it and this one is no different. This one is dedicated to Louise Glück who is one of those writers who has been around for a while, but I recently discovered her after contributing to a competition on DUP in her honor. The other thing I am doing with these tribute posts is that I am posting them as close as I can to their birthdays. It helps honor them in a certain way. Glück’s birthday is April 22nd. This piece that I wrote is based on one of her most prolific pieces “Afterword” (here is the link for that piece). And for this piece I received runner up. Here it is and I hope that you enjoy reading it!!

Afterthought (Inspired by Louise Glück)

The blank pages and canvas in front of me  
Remain barren and empty. Why? Maybe  
I no longer feel any of the inspiration and  
blood flowing through my veins like they  
once did before. Maybe my voice chose  
to give out. All I can do is hope for the rose  
to start blooming again and for a miracle  
to take me back to the empty roads where  
I felt most at home. Even the changes in  
scenery did not ease my mind anymore.  

All I can think about is the world that tears  
apart at the seams. But no one seems to  
care about the darkness or shadows that  
creep in. They want to read about light  
and happiness. Death happens every day  
yet we choose to ignore it like the warning  
signs for a pending storm. We ignore the  
pain for a moment as the loss finally kicks  
in and we scramble to find the pieces. The  
pages and canvas start swaying side to side  
like a car that stops following the paved road. 

Is there an answer in the wind? Maybe hope  
is on the horizon. Maybe all the answers lay  
hidden in how I hold the pen or paintbrush.  

The inspiration could come back as the chaos 
and clutter finally depart like an airplane that  
is ready for takeoff. We were once all children 
who never had to worry about explaining our  
failures or disappointments in both life and    
love to anyone. We never had to worry about  
life’s afterthoughts. How I wish we can all be  
explorers again as the foliage becomes vibrant.  

As we grew older nothing made sense anymore  
and nothing was as important as the closed door.

Surviving Rock Bottom

We are about three months into the new year of 2020 and we have all already gone through so much. Especially with the Coronavirus going around. I know I have talked about when we hit rock bottom. A lot of the time it is hitting rock bottom and then getting back from rock bottom. In other words, it is how we survive rock bottom. If we can survive rock bottom then I feel like we can survive anything else life throws our way. First of all for those of you who do not know what rock bottom is, here is the definition from dictionary.com. “at the lowest possible limit or level; extremely low.” So in other words, rock bottom would be the lowest as one can go. You cannot go any further down. Once you hit rock bottom I do not think anything in life can scare you. That brings me to my first quote of this post. “When you hit rock bottom and survive, nothing can scare you.” I feel like rock bottom is the scariest thing one person can face.

Some people say that hitting rock bottom is one of the worst places to be, but it can also be a beautiful place to be because it gives you a chance to start over. It could be one of the worst things to happen or you can have it be one of the best things to happen to you. That brings me to my next quote. “Rock bottom is a beautiful start.” Rock bottom gives you a new start in life. Some people do not survive rock bottom, but some people do and there is some beauty in surviving rock bottom. We made the decision to not be at rock bottom again. It is like we needed the wake up call. I feel like this next quote by Christine Evangelou can explain it a little bit better. She says, “When you feel like you have been hit, dig deep and hit back. Rock bottom is not your end; it is your beginning.” In other words, do not think of rock bottom as the place where you end, but where you begin. It is like you are being reborn all over again.

There were some times in which I was hitting rock bottom emotionally and physically especially. I was not liking the person I was becoming. It is like we become someone we do not recognize anymore. I think in that moment I had to take a reality check and had to cut someone out of my life who was beginning to bring me down. Hitting rock bottom is not always easy to recognize and it can be hard pulling ourselves from rock bottom, but a lot of the time it has to be done. We do not do it for other people. We HAVE to do it for ourselves. It is like we are choosing ourselves and our mental health over anything unhealthy or toxic. We take rock bottom and we rebuild. That brings me into my next quote by J. K. Rowling, the author of Harry Potter. She says, “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” In other words, we use that rock bottom to rebuild our lives from the ground up.

The following poem is dedicated to those who not only hit rock bottom, but were also able to survive rock bottom. Hitting rock bottom is when we really become appreciative and thankful. That is what the next quote is all about. “rock bottom, Thank you for showing me I am meant to do more than just survive. Thank you for showing me I am worthy of living.” Like I said before, this poem is dedicated to those who are survivors of hitting rock bottom. You are the real heroes because that takes a lot of courage. Once you have hit rock bottom the only thing to do is to go up. I want to conclude with one more quote. I am a positive person so I want to end on a positive note. This next quote says, “When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.” That echoes at least one of the comments I got when I posted the original poem on DUP. Wally says, “It’s insightful as to your past and where strength comes from when one has hit rock bottom because up is the only way to go.” So on that note, I hope everyone who hits rock bottom and survives will be able to go up instead of down further. The quote that comes right after the poem is one that I am beginning to hold close to my heart and sums it up quote perfectly. Thank you and cheers!!

Surviving Rock Bottom

I knew I hit rock bottom when I sat there
And I could never defend the man I loved
Anymore, not even to my best friend or

Anyone else. I promised and would swear
To myself I would never put anyone above
Me or my health. I was choosing to ignore

Everything he put me through including
The pain and sleepless nights. He did not
See the tears I kept from him. He only saw

Me as happy until I felt like I was losing
Everything I once knew like love. The knot
Remained and in the end the final straw

Was him not caring. It did not matter until
I walked away he realized it was a battle
That he would no longer win. I could have

Chosen to be bitter or shut down the spill
Of feelings or emotions, but in the saddle
I went again and my heart’s main valve

Still got cut wide open when I decided to
Move on and try to love again. This time
The pain was worse than before. Rock

Bottom was home until the sky was blue
Again and I could breathe. The rhyme
In life made sense as I am able to walk

On a path I created. Those people came
Into my life to not to necessarily heal me,
But to love, to make and break me apart

Until I became the person I was ashamed
Of. Some people bring chaos from the sea
And some came to bring me a new start.

So yes, pain ebbs and flows, but even as it
Has brung me to my knees and as I really
Began to wonder if I can continue this life

In happiness, in my veins and in every bit
Of my soul I truly carry on like a rose or lily
Blooming again after being cut by a knife.

“Life doesn’t give You the people you want, It gives you The people you need: To love you, To hate you, To make you, To break you, And to make you the person you Were meant to be.” – Walt Whitman

International Women’s Day & Bad-Ass Women

I am posting this just in time for International Women’s Day, which is today, March 8! So I am wishing all the women out there in the world a happy International Women’s Day. In honor of this day I want to start off with a quote. “Here’s to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.” In this post we talk about women and the power they have. Women are known to be soft or feminine or quiet. In fact they are taught from a young age to be those qualities. In my mom’s generation for example, the boys did shop (fixing things) and the girls did home economics (like learning to cook, do household chores, etc). The girls were also not allowed to wear pants. That was a different generation. I am not saying that home economics and shop are not important, but men should learn home economics and women should be taught to do shop. In fact, both men and women should learn both.

All of this is to say that women should be taught to speak their minds and to be loud and bold. That is why I want to keep following in my mom’s footsteps, not necessarily in the careers she has had, but in the way she works hard and never stops speaking her mind. I know I have talked about her in previous post and that is because she is my role model. She broke every mold that she was supposed to follow. Carly Simon says, “We need role models who are going to break the mold.” That is why my mom and others like Serena Williams are good role models. My mom as well as others have had careers on top of being a mother. There were points when my brother and I were younger in which she would take time off from work, but then so would my dad. They took turns over the years staying home with us. My parents are very non-traditional and that is why I love them so much.

I know this is a long post, but bear with me. This is a topic I can spend days and days talking about. The last thing I want to talk about is on the subject matter of being “bad-ass.” When you look up that term in the dictionary, the definition can be one of the following: (of a person) difficult to deal with; mean-tempered; touchy.distinctively tough or powerful; so exceptional as to be intimidating.” (from dictionary.com). It all depends on who the person is and how they grew up. Sometimes these people are badass because they had to be from a young age. I do not think of badass as something to be considered bad. Women hate being labeled as fragile like she might lose her shit (pardon my language).

It is time for a little story (sorry if you heard it before). My parents and I went to an event last year. Long story short we met Congresswoman Pramila Jayapal who made an excellent speech at this event and has done some amazing work as a Representative for the state of Washington (as it turns out she has known my dad for a long time). We ended up getting a picture with her and at one point my mom turned to me and said this what happens when women rule the world. I think what my mom meant was that women get shit done (pardon my language again). Women should not be considered to be fragile or emotional because I feel like they are more well put together than most men, especially when it comes to politics. Hillary Clinton, for example testified for 11 hours straight for the Benghazi hearing and did not flinch. Women should not be considered fragile like she is a flower and can break at any moment, which brings me to this next quote. “She was not fragile like a flower. She was fragile like a bomb.” Like I said before, I can go on and on about this subject matter.

This post and poem is dedicated to all the women out there, especially those who continue to be badass every day. And to all the hurt girls and women who are struggling we see you and hear you! I want to conclude with one final quote about loving those little girl on the inside. M. L. Stedman says, “The only thing you we can do is love that little girl as much as she deserves. And never, never hurt her!” To all the girls who are hurting, you are never alone! To all those girls and women out there, this one is for you! And we love every one of you deeply!!

Photo by Bestbe Models from Pexels

Bad-Ass Woman

She is bad-ass with her armor made
Of stone and glass. She disarms any
Man that walks by. They only know
Her based on all her outer layers.

The world took her smile. She fades
Away because there are so many
Days in which she can never show
Any signs of weakness. Her prayers  

Go unanswered because no one
Knows she is a good girl with a good
Reputation beneath. She is walking
Around with a protected heart and

A terrible attitude that makes us run
Away. She had a rough childhood.
Her parents yelled instead of talking.
They fought so she always shunned  

Any light or love from entering in
Between her fissures and cracks.  
To some she is crazy, but that is just
Because it is all she knows. What has

Her bad? Because she is used to sin  
And nothing else. She craves climax
And adrenaline. She is used to lust,
But as you are looking into her topaz

Eyes she aches for something more
And she is still that hurt little girl
Who is more used to people leaving
Instead of staying. That is how she

Became bad as she will take your
Heart. She sneaked in with her curl
Of a smile, having people believing  
What is heard and not what they see.

Dystopia

I know that in the past I have talked about utopia. In this case I want to talk about the opposite, dystopia. Here are the definitions for those of you who forgot what utopia and dystopia are. Utopia: “a place of ideal perfection especially in laws, government, and social conditions” (definition came from the Merriam-Webster online dictionary). Dystopia: “an imagined world or society in which people lead wretched, dehumanized, fearful lives” (definition also came from the Merriam-Webster online dictionary). So utopia in other words is the perfect and ideal world while dystopia is the opposite (terrible). It is like some of those books we read like “The Hunger Games” or “Delirium” or “The Giver.” Those, in my mind, are what I consider to be the dystopian type of books. It is a way to conceptualize what dystopia is.

I think of dystopia as something dark and maybe sinister in a way. I think this next quote explains the clear difference between utopia and dystopia. Daniel Raj Kumar says, “Utopia is an illusion. Dystopia is the reality.” In other words, utopia is not something that is always true and dystopia is something that is true. Although we view dystopia as something bad there is something beautiful about it at the same time. Ally Condie explains some of that beauty in a great way. She says, “The beauty of dystopia is that it lets us vicariously experience future worlds – but we still have the power to change our own.” In other words, dystopia gives us an opportunity to experience future worlds and also gives us a chance to change our world. I think dystopia gives us a wake up call, whether its real or fake.

The thing about dystopia is that there is a great chance of that happening, especially if we do not take care of today’s world. That is what Lauren DeStefano says. She says, “Most dystopian, classic and contemporary, paints a future world that puts a twist on present society – a future world that could plausibly happen.” So like I said before, dystopia is something that could possibly happen. I could go on and on about dystopia, utopia and the difference between the two, but I think you all got the difference. I will conclude by saying that utopia and dystopia are not exactly the most simplest of ideas, especially dystopia. It is like asking that “what if?” question. That is dystopia in a nutshell. Here are two poems to enjoy, both visual poetry. I hope you enjoy!!

My visual poem titled “In a Perfect World.”
My visual poem titled “Dystopian World.”

Forbidden Love

I have talked about love before and I wanted to post something about love since Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Everyone who knows me knows how I feel about Valentine’s Day (not my favorite holiday). I want to focus on a different kind of love in this post. Forbidden love. I feel like forbidden love is something among the lines of loving someone you are not supposed to be loving. Like someone you are loving from afar and cannot tell anyone about. It is like holding onto a secret. We think of forbidden love like Romeo and Juliet. It is one of those weird and twisted feeling. I think this quote by Pen soul in some ways sums it up. “Falling in forbidden love is beautiful in a weird way, like those doodles in the last page of my notebook, only I can feel, interpret and understand that blissful mess.” In other words, forbidden love is something that person can only try to understand. Nobody else can truly understand it better than that one person can.

A lot of the time this love can leave you hurt, scarred and feeling hallow. It is like what Roy Orbison says. He says, “Love hurts, love scars, love wounds, and mars.” Sometimes we do not want that kind of love because if love hurts like that then it is not always worth it, especially if it leaves you hurt all the time. But it is also the type of love that teaches us all something. Yes, it hurts and it feels so wrong, but it is the greatest lesson we can learn. Which is my point about this forbidden love thing. I want to conclude with one final quote and I think this explains what I have been saying. “The worst feeling in the world is when you know that you both love each other but still you just can’t be together.” That feeling is the worst feeling and that is what forbidden love is. It is the fact that even if you love each other you cannot be together. Anyways, here is a poem that I wrote about forbidden love. Enjoy!!

Our Forbidden Love

I loved you, but I would never tell  
The world including you because  
Although we were lovers there  

Was nothing else. My heart swelled  
With so much hatred because claws  
Scratched me and I could not swear  

To tell you that I was bleeding from  
The pain. I could never tell you that  
I was tired from loving the wrong  

Person who only showed their warm  
Smile, but never the war or combat  
They face every day. I was the song  

That cheered you up and the place  
You went to when you needed to  
De-stress from the world. It was our  

Secret as my fingertips would trace  
Every inch of your skin. Me and you  
Were once safe in our morning hour,  

Laying against your chest, hearing  
Your heartbeat, but we both already  
Knew that we could not stay. But  

Instead we were looking or peering  
Into something that was unsteady  
Like an old house without its guts  

Or foundation to stand on. We were  
An empty house that had no love  
Left. We were drowning in the sea  

And its cascading waves. The blur  
Of tears were too much. Like a dove  
We were flying too close and we  

Burned, but could never survive or  
Escape the feeling that this love was  
Forbidden or felt like a wrong turn.  

It was something I could not ignore.  
It was our last night when the buzzed  
Feeling wore off. I no longer yearned  

For something that left me so hollow.  
It was a hard pill for me to swallow.

Vision 2020

The title of this post says it all, but in case if you are not able to catch onto my meaning I will explain it all. For my other job that I do remotely now that I moved to another state one of my projects was finding the annual theme for 2020. Surprise, surprise! The theme is Perfect Vision: Seeing Through a Spiritual Lens.” 2020 = perfect vision. The following comes from unity.org

We’ve been told that 20-20 vision is perfect, but for the year 2020, let’s expand the definition. Perfect vision has nothing to do with how far our eyes can focus without assistance. It’s all in how we see the world. People who wear rose-colored glasses see only the good in people and circumstances. Those with a gloomy outlook are focused on what might go wrong. We all see the world through a particular lens, and we can choose what it is. The annual theme for Unity in 2020—”Perfect Vision: Seeing Through a Spiritual Lens”—reminds us of those choices. “

from unity.org

I hope people get what I mean now. I figured this would be a great time to still post about this since we are still within the first month of the new year and 2020. With every new year we have to forget our problems from the previous year, especially for 2020. For some reason I feel like we need to leave things behind that make our vision blurry. That is why I like this quote. It says, “Do not start 2020 with 2019 problems.” And I have to agree because what if those problems are the problems and maybe that is why our vision is blurry? I hope that makes sense.

On the other hand we can have sight, but no vision and I think that there is a difference as Robert Kiyosaki says. He says, “Sight is what you see with your eyes, vision is what you see with your mind.” So the main difference is that one uses the eyes and the other uses the mind. Helen Keller says that there is a danger to having one, but not the other. She says, “The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.” That is the truth because as I said before there is no way to have one or the other. It really does not matter what we see with our eyes it is how we see the world. 2019 has been crappy for a lot of people, but lets hope 2020 is a lot better for people because there is so much more we can learn from. 2020 is as what the poem says below… it is a redemption shot or another chance. I hope that you enjoy the poem below. Happy reading!!!!

Into 2020

She is walking as if she is someone brand new,
But she never forgets the lessons that she has
Learned in the past years. “Paint your sky blue,”
People say, but when she paints it with topaz,

Indigo or purple, they think she is taking a big
Risk, but isn’t that what life is all about? As she
Takes the vast world and crushes it like a twig
Without any expectations she just wants to be

Who she always wanted to be, free-spirited and
Kind. She cannot make any predictions for 2020,
But realizes she does not need anyone’s hand
To be warm or secure in a world lacking plenty

Of warmth and security. The only obstacle that
Stands in her way is herself. She was tired of
Those people who would rather see her fall flat
And as she crawled through infestation, the love

Slowly crept back into her veins. The sunlight
Was back in her smile and in the way she shook
Off those who are not on her journey. Her bright
Demeanor is back. When the world does not look

At her is when she is at her best because they
Only stare and critique when she is at her worst.
What they do not know is that although she say
Very little, she still has a lot of hunger and thirst

For many things in life. What the world does not
Notice is I am her and 2020 is my redemption shot.

Pen Names Explained

This post is especially dedicated to my fellow writers out there as well as to the people who do not quite understand what a pen name is. A pen name for those of you who need a dictionary definition is ” an author’s pseudonym: Also called: nom de plume.” In other words, it is a name that an author/writer uses instead of their real name. One of the pen names I use is eswaller (or something along those lines), especially for my DUP account. It is a way to remain anonymous and hidden, so no one knows your true identity. Although people who know me quite well know that pen name as it still contains parts of my name. I write as my real name on my blog, despite the fact that my blog name is Messy Ties (you can find the explanation of why I came up with that in my very first blog post about 4 year).

A pen name is someone’s identity and it is WHO they are. Terri Guillemets has a great quote that explains it. She says, “Pen names are masks that allow us to unmask ourselves.” In other words, I believe pen names allow us to wear masks while still being who we are. Maybe I did not explain that quite well or maybe I did. I think pen names gives us a chance to unmask who we truly are. Pen names give us some kind of protection like a mask does. And people choose to use different pen names for different reasons. Those are personal decisions. Anyways… I am going to keep this post short since we can go on and on about pen names and their importance and why they exist. I want people to understand a little more about pen names and why they exist. Here is a poem I wrote about why I chose eswaller. I hope you enjoy!!

Eswaller Explained

E as in Elena, named after my dad’s cousin.
S as in Salniker, a family name that crossed
Oceans and escaped persecution years ago.
Waller, another family name that crossed
State and borderlines. Together that makes
Eswaller, unmasked and ready to set my
Pen to paper, living a life I have chosen.
I am proud of the family I come from.

Can’t Break Me

I know I have talked about breaking down. So some of this may sound like a repeat. In this case I am talking about things that cannot break us. Someone may try to break us, but it about getting back up. We are breakable, but we are also unbreakable which means that some things and people can try to break us, but will be unsuccessful. That right there leads me into my first quote. “You’re a diamond, dear. They can’t break you.” Being unbreakable in my mind is a lot like being a diamond or steel because being unbreakable is also being indestructible, which means you cannot be destroyed. In my mind diamond=indestructible.

In this last year and in years past I have learned how to become a strong person despite what people think they know about me. It is like what Denzel Washington said. He said, “You can’t break me because you didn’t make me.” There is so much truth in that one quote because no one can truly break you. You cannot give anyone that power to break you because the truth is that you made yourself. People try to knock you down, but they should know by now that you come back stronger than ever. In all honesty people cannot break you because like this next quote says you have already been broken. “They can’t hurt me anymore, there’s nothing left to break of me, nothing left to take from me.” So in other words they cannot take anything more from you.

I figured this would be a good post to start 2020 with because like I said before, this last year has been learning to become unbreakable despite what people throw my way and what people think they know about me. The truth is that no one knows what I have been through and let’s keep it that way. I want to conclude this post with one more quote. “You will get tired of knocking me down, before I get tired of getting back up. I promise you that!” So do not bother trying to knocking me down because you will realize that it will get you nowhere.

There is so much more that I could say and there is so many more quotes I can include in this post, but I will conclude this post right here. I wish everyone a happy 2020!! This post and following poem is dedicated to all the warriors out there. This poem received runner up position for a competition on DUP. When you look up the definition of warrior in the dictionary one of the definitions is the following: “a person engaged or experienced in warfare; soldier.” So I thank all the warriors out there. Once again happy 2020. I wish everyone a prosperous and healthy new year. Thank you for another trip around the sun. This would be the 3rd year I have had this blog and I want to personally thank all my supporters. Here’s to another year, cheers!!

Warrior

With my heart beating loudly in my
Chest and my sweaty palms I refused
To back down from the challenge that
Was awaiting me. I refused to cry
Any more than I already have. He confused
Me with someone who does not combat

Their demons or shadows every day.
That night I stayed awake until 2 am
Because once again he made me feel
Like I was unlovable, but that one ray
Of sunshine poked through a broken dam
That tried to drown me. I am made of steel

And all the strong stuff. I went right past
The red flags because I loved hard as
I always do no matter the situation or
Person. I am made to survive and last
Long past the winter’s storm. What has
Me down does not matter as I ignore

The doubters and haters because
They think they know my weakness
When in truth they know absolutely
Nothing about me. They never pause
And ask right questions. The bleakness
In my eyes never caused their mutely

Mouths to truly ask me about me.
Instead they ask me about my job
And not enough asking about if I got
Enough sleep. I wonder if they see
What they want to see. A girl bobbing
And weaving to the top. They forgot

That I have obstacles too and that is how
I became a warrior standing on her feet now.