There’s a song title by the same name (by The Beatles) and Demi talks about it for today’s entry. Love isn’t always easy to come by and saying “I love you” to someone isn’t always easy to say. The closest thing I have to love is loving all those close to me. It starts with my parents (for whom I am forever grateful for) to my close family and friends. The list goes on and on. Demi says to show people and tell people that you love them. She goes on to say to bake them something or shout it from the roof tops or write them a letter. This is probably the closest thing to any of those things. The people who I love mean the world to me. They love me right back and always encourage me to keep going every day no matter what. In other words, I guess saying “I love you” is like saying thank you. I could never love anybody better than those people. The list goes on to my 2 BFFs (Marcia and BreAnna), my grandma, all my aunts and uncles, my cousins, my close friends (especially Katalin and Nancy), my other friends, and my extended family (those of you who aren’t blood related). I appreciate each and every one of you. I love you all so much! For today’s entry I don’t have a poem (sorry), but this for everybody!! This is my way of using my talents to show my love for you all.
Demi talks about being fearless in one of her entries in her book and so does Taylor Swift in her album by the same name. Here’s a part of what Taylor says that’s in the album cover booklet: “To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death…” I think it’s up to us what to do about those fears, but that’s besides the point. We’re all scared, that’s just a part of life. That’s one thing I always try to strive to be, regardless of the situation or what happens in life.
I think that’s why I’m so drawn to theatre and performing arts, especially acting. First of all, people have always told me I’m fearless and bold because it takes courage to even try acting. My acting teachers that I’ve had always say to be fearless in the choices you make, both on and off stage (thanks Elizabeth). Nobody can make those choices for you, only you can. And secondly to perform in front of other people is being fearless.
Fearlessness goes hand in hand with being vulnerable. People told me I’m fearless for starting this blog. Other people say I’m fearless for writing and sharing my work with the world. That’s being fearless and vulnerable. I know that I can be fearless and vulnerable in many aspects of my life. However, one thing I’m trying to be more fearless and vulnerable about is expressing my feelings to other people. It’s about being honest and being open. When you’re vulnerable and fearless it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re willing to share and receive things that are sometimes deep down. It’s all about being strong in the end.
You can’t always hide things deep down where they’re bottled up. I found this quote that says that, “Sometimes you can hurt yourself more than anyone can hurt you just by keeping all your feelings hidden.” I think it’s better to have everything out in the open rather than keeping things hidden. I know it’s hard, but it’s worth a try. Feelings are as real and vulnerable as they come. Through this I am sharing things that are personal.
As I’ve said previously, I was determined to follow Demi’s goal of going somewhere new. I’m a person who tries to follow through (I’m just that type of person). I had a plan that didn’t exactly work the way I wanted to. Let’s backtrack for a bit, so I stayed up the night before this excursion. I remembered going on a hike with my good friend Zoë a while a back ago to watch the sunset (I thought for some reason it was the Berkeley Fire Trail but maybe I was wrong). Anyways, after some planning and research, I was prepared.
Of course I made some alterations as I went along. I even printed directions from Google Map (which of course I ended up leaving at home later on before I left). My plan was to wake up and try to make it up there before sunrise (that ended up not happening). I woke up and got ready. I headed out the door and got the directions on my phone. I followed the directions exactly and it’s not where I originally planned on going.
At that point I wanted to give up (even on the way to where I was going I wanted to go back home), but like I said before I’m someone who follows through. I ended up where the directions ended and was a little closer to where I wanted to be. I started following some people and was pretty close to where I wanted to end up. I followed the trail and somehow ended up at at the bottom of the Lawrence Hall of Science, a place where I went to when I was a kid. I was going to head back home, almost defeated at that point when I saw a good vantage point. It was exactly what I wanted to see. All I wanted to see was a panoramic view of the East Bay and part of the other side of the bay.
It got a little misty and started raining (luckily I was all bundled up). At that point I sat down and took it all in. I brought my camera along to take some pictures and I took some photographs on my iPhone too. I also brought my poetry notebook to write some things down before I forgot. The trek was exhausting and longer than what I was planning or expecting, but it was all worthwhile. I met Demi’s goal (which is also mine).
Keep scrolling!! You’ll find some pictures and a poem, describing my experience. Enjoy!!
On January 2nd, Demi wrote “Goal: Stay open to anything and take a day (or week) seeing a new part of the world. If you can’t afford to take time off work then visit a new neighborhood in your own town. Be grateful for everything you have.” Like Demi, I’ve been very lucky enough to have travelled a lot to different places around the world from the time I was in my mom’s stomach when she was pregnant up until I was an adult. One of my first trips abroad was when I was nine months old and we went to Paris where we saw the Tour de France. My parent have instilled in me and in my siblings that we should take advantage of travelling while we still can.
There are many reasons why I chose to attend McDaniel College, clear across the country from my home state and city. When I was applying for colleges I chose colleges all across the country. I’m lucky to have the parents I do because they sat me down when I was looking at colleges and told me I can go anywhere I wanted to. I looked at very little schools located in California because I told myself as a California native that I was ready for a change. I grew up in the same area for many years and I wanted something different. The other reason why I chose McDaniel was because I knew if I was across the country I could become independent, something I had always dreamed about. People still ask me to this very day why I chose McDaniel. I tell them the reason why and I think to myself how much I’m happy that I made that choice. Sure, I was homesick, but who hasn’t gone through that at some point? I also wouldn’t have met the people I would have.
Going somewhere new is good which is why I vow that tomorrow (not today) since it’s late already, is the day I’m going to go to a new part of my city of Oakland. I’m going to trek on the Berkeley Fire Trail and try to watch the sunset. I would go to a new part of the world, but money is a little tight these days. I’ll give you all an update tomorrow. In the meanwhile, I’m leaving today with a poem.
On the Edge
She wants to be
Wild and crazy.
She wants to live
On the edge because
She’s tired of playing
It safe. She wants
The wind in her hair
As she heads
Towards freedom.
She’s tired of
People saying no.
She wants to be in
A new city and a new
Part of the world.
She wants everything
To be carefree and to
Have some kind
Of meaning.
With the new year, I’m reading Demi Lovato’s Staying Strong: 365 Days a Year. She’s become such a huge inspiration to me because I feel like even though she’s younger than me by a year or two, she’s someone I can look up to. Every day she writes a short entry and then writes a goal to go with it. On January 1st, she writes “Goal: In this year, come up with a mantra that is just yours. Each day, look in the mirror and repeat it back to yourself.” My mantra that I came up with, after thinking about it for a while, is “I’m beautiful and good enough.” We all have days where we’e insecure and feel like we’re not good enough or beautiful enough. Some of us are lucky to have people in our lives who make us feel beautiful, but some of us aren’t so lucky. Here’s a poem to go along with the theme of this post.
Words Being Said
I’m beautiful on
The outside but
It’s my personality
That is so much more.
I’m me and that’s all
That matters.
I’m beautiful on the
Outside but I’m also
Beautiful on the inside
Even when it feels like
Things are messy.
I want to see and feel
All the mess because
It’s better than perfectly
Pieced puzzles. It’s better
To accept the messy
And imperfect parts
Than to accept absolute
Perfection. I would rather
See chaos rather than
The calm before the storm.
That’s what we are.
We’re accepted because
Of that.
P.S. I just want to thank the person who inspired this poem. Thank you for giving me the words to make me feel better and for some of the things said in the poem (some them are your words exactly). You’re the one who inspired me to come up with that mantra. I can’t thank you enough!!
One of my first loves in life was poetry. I remember when I first started writing poetry when I was at Willard Middle School. I first started writing poetry when I had Mr. Evans for English class in 6th grade. The two poems I remember writing were “My Green Eyes” and “Standing Tall.” It wasn’t until 8th grade that I realized that writing poetry is something I wanted to do. I always credit my 8th grade English teacher, Mr. Rose for encouraging me to keep writing. I kept to myself a lot, especially through middle school and high school. I felt like people didn’t always understand me because I can come off as shy and reserved. Other times I could be crazy and silly but that’s just who I am much like how writing poetry is a part of who I am. That’s why I always connected with poetry. It was like writing in a journal or taking photos for other people. That’s always the best way for me to express myself. It was an art form, but more personalized. If people wanted to know who I am or how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking about all they have to do is read my work.
I don’t always like sharing my work with other people but I do share them with people I trust. When I write poetry I feel like there’s no judgment and there’s nothing better than writing pen or pencil to paper. I almost always carry around some type of journal to write, even if it’s just the start or an idea for a poem I have running through my mind at that moment. Or if I don’t have a journal or paper I write in the note section on my iPhone. It comes in handy because I don’t always know when an idea will strike. Whenever I share something with a friend or a family member they almost always say I have a knack for it. That’s why I like sharing my work because I know how much I connect with my own work, but I know other people might have a connection to it too.
That’s how I came up with this idea to start a blog. I know that we’re all different, but sometimes we all have common threads. I’m not here to judge anybody or to change anybody’s beliefs or values. However, I do believe that we all need something to put our minds at ease and to realize that we’re not as different as we think we are. Hence the title “Messy Ties” because I’m always interested in the connections we have with other people and the different types of relationships we have throughout our lives, whether they’re romantic, friendships or “family” relationships. When looking up the definition of “relationship” online at dictionary.com I came across this: [a relationship is] “the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other.” Another definition of relationship is the following as well: [a relationship is] “the way in which two or more people or things are connected.”
Another reason why I wanted to do this blog because it’s the New Year. One of my new year’s resolutions was to try something new and that’s what I’m doing with this blog. I’m trying something new but I’m also stepping outside of the box. So this is my sharing with you, enjoy!! I’m also sharing a poem or two with you.
