Seasons of Giving

It is that times of the year… Thanksgiving has already passed and Christmas is right around the corner. In fact, Christmas is tomorrow. Christmas has always been one of my favorite holidays growing up and it is still is to this very day. I love waking up early and seeing the presents under the Christmas tree. I feel like one thing has changed, especially as I have gotten older. I still enjoying getting presents and I love giving them away, but I feel like those are so materialistic these days. Like  the newest iPhone or computer or something like that. This quote says it the best. “I think as you grow older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want cannot be bought.” I guess what I am saying is that the littlest of things is what matters like being in someone’s presence or getting a gift that actually matters and is low cost. I feel like one of the best things you can give someone else, especially around the holidays is your time, love and presence.

In other words, I think a great gift is one that keeps on giving or paying it forward. There is a movie about that.  Best of all those kinds of gifts come free or at least they should. I think that is why I want to try to volunteer my time or things I do not need anymore because if I do not need it then maybe someone else might. I have to remind myself that there are people who are less fortunate than me. I wish I could give more because I always believe in helping others. It is in our best nature to help others. That is why I hate how much this world has become the cars, houses, iPhones, jewelry and things we buy with our money. It is such a shame and I hope we can change that now, not only for our generation, but for the ones to follow.

So I guess what I am trying to say is best said in the following quote by Pierre Corneille. He says “The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.” So what he and I are trying to say is that the fact that we are giving is more important than the gift itself because that is what the holidays are all about. Even donating to charity, whether it is a dollar or donating school supplies or scarves and hats to the homeless shelters goes a long way. Those are just some examples, but I am sure there are some other ways in which to give a meaningful gift. Even donating your talents to a good cause can be a way of giving. I want to encourage my readers to think of some way they can give back to something or someone they really care about. That is something we all cherish. Happy holidays everyone!!

My Free Gifts

I could buy you all of the materialistic things that
Do not matter or get you a lifetime of laughter.
I can be your solider who can fight and combat
Next to you. I can give you what comes after.
I can be a light that shines within the darkness
Like a precious jewel that you cannot buy with
Money. I will stand with you in the starkness.
I can give you something that only a wordsmith
Can give you. Those are the things that do not cost
Anything because they already come free with me.
Darling, I know that when you are completely lost,
I will be the home and peace you come to. I would be
Everything you cannot find in something else. I am
The gift that keeps on giving to those that realize
That life is far from fake and becoming a sham.
There is something about me that makes me a prize.

People Who Did Us Wrong

I just want to talk about something, especially after doing another competition on DUP. Like I have said before, there are people we come across. Some people treated us right, but there are people who have been a part of our lives and have treated us horribly aka they did us wrong. It does not matter if they are an ex, a former friend, or someone in our family. I know that we should all behave proper, but in this moment it is okay to bash them, just a little bit and not too much because they are still only human after all. Even if they did you wrong you still have to be a better person while forgiving them and then just moving on. Dwelling on something takes too much energy. Some things you can fix and other times you cannot. This quote says it the best. “Hating is for the weak, loving is for the strong. It takes more to love someone who did you wrong than it does to hate them.” So no, I do not hate anybody, but I forgive and say thank you because I would not be where I am today without them. This is a short post, as all of it is pretty simple. I want to conclude by strongly encouraging my readers to dig deep down and forgive those who did us wrong. Cheers and happy reading! Just a side note that this is directed towards an ex, but can be applied to anyone else who did us wrong. I decided to go with two poems. The second one actually won me a competition on DUP.

Did Me Wrong

My first love… why did you have go ahead and break my heart?
You took it all and tore everything into pieces. Everything was sore
And hurting so much. You knew that everything was falling apart,
But you did nothing, except taking back your promises, your
Words and actions. I was left feeling empty and with a gaping
Hole, but I had to replace you. I could not let the sadness
Wash over me while all of the anger was slowly escaping
From my body. I should have every right to be in the madness
And be pissed off. I am sorry and all the other apologies will
Not be enough. I could have burned everything, but be glad
I am not that kind of ex that is psychotic and crazy. The thrill
And chase of that teenage love is done. We could be friends
Is bullshit. We were down different roads and ends.

 

Everything That is You

I hate you and everything that you truly are.
I once thought that you were the shining star,
But I was a fool because you became a meteorite,
Having everything around me burn red and white.
You said that you loved me, but I was just a pawn
And soldier in your game. Even before the dawn
Came I knew that things could never be the same.
Deep down rooted within me there is pain, shame
And fiery anger. If only you could understand it all,
But you are too selfish to care. I was your rag doll,
Only being pushed around and trying to please you,
But nothing could make you completely happy. To
You I am just another person you can throw away.
But I cannot let you treat me that badly. I still pray
To forgive you because I know that nobody could
Ever truly ever be that bad intentionally. The good
Parts of you are there even if you cannot see them.
I have become sturdy like a flower and its stem.

Deep Kind of Love

I have been a big fan of the water and we will talk about that in another post some other time. I want to talk about that deep water metaphor thing right here. I know that I have talked about deep emotions, whether it is love or something else. I also know that I have talked about being in love at least once. Love, just like any other emotion or feeling is deep or complicated or both of those things. Together, can be a deep complicated mess and yes, I just made that up. I crave to be around people who love deep and hard. Why? Because I am like that person too. Lao Tzu says that “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” I think that deep type of love is scary and terrifying, but sometimes you just have to dive right in because if you will not do that, who else would?

We all have parts of ourselves that are hidden and below the surface. Like I said you just have to dive deep. That brings me to my next quote which explains what I have been talking about. “Everyone is deep but most are afraid to dive.” Some of the best things, including love, are wonderful and amazing. I want to talk about the other end of the spectrum, being in the shallow end. Those types of things are right on the surface or easy to find. There is nothing wrong with people who are in the shallow end, but those people are the ones who area afraid to go deeper. You have to make that decision for yourself in what end you want to be in because sometimes you cannot be in both, especially at the same time. Christopher Reeve says that in this quote. “Either you decide to stay in the shallow end of the pool or you go out in the ocean.” Sometimes there is a difference between the two.

I conclude this post by strongly encouraging my readers to think about those two different versions of love. It is either that type of love that is deep or is a type of love that is shallow and not so deep. There is nothing wrong with choosing one or the other. I will leave that decision up to you, but I would strongly encourage to go for the deep type of love because it could last longer and does always leave you so empty. It is good to have someone you can have deep conversations with. Shallowness is not always appealing and does not always leave you satisfied, but that is just my own personal opinion. Whatever you decide, stick with it and enjoy the ride. May you find the love you always wanted to have. Deepness almost always gives you that connection, which is what life is about. Since there is a lot to be said about this topic, I will include 2 different pieces. Just a side note that Deepness, Part II is a working title because I wrote a poem for Part I, but Part II is a rework of the original piece. I will let the pieces speak for themselves. I know that there is so much more I can say about this subject matter, but that about does it for now. Cheers.

Deep Love

Any other girl could begging for your attention,
But you only want and have mine.
You never even try to mention

Those before me because you only intertwine
Our hands and hearts together, but
It was never with theirs. I try to trust the sign

That we are finally out of this deep rut,
But people will always try to follow
And tear us apart. We shut

Out those who do anything to hollow
Us out. They never dive deep
And only play around in the shallow

End. The love and willingness will seep
Through more than the doubts ever will.
We must always try to keep

A firm grip on a future that will fill
With happiness and hope for raising
A family together. We have things that are still

Within reach. Life can turn out to be amazing
With the right person while the wrong people just
Fade away. Everything around us will be blazing.

Deepness, Part II

I want deep and long conversations at 2 AM. Random drives
At night, blasting the music when we cannot go to sleep.
Darling, put away your sharp instruments and knifes.

You have a kind of love and connection that I want to keep
Around forever. I know that life gets dull and boring, but
I want to spend time lying under the sky, getting a peep

Of the real you. I want to know what you see when you shut
Your eyes and picture your life. I want to know every dream
And fear you hold onto. Darling, I hope that when you put

Out your hand you would trust me with it. Your stream
Of thoughts and ideas are safe. I am not the one to judge
You, but together I hope that we will become a team

And trust each other. Do not wash away the smudge
Or freckle because it shows that you have imperfections.
We are moving on ahead with a small push and nudge.

People might think we are moving in opposite directions
When we know we are both going exactly the same way.
We know that we can be perfect and mirror reflections

Of each other or darling, we will find a way to stay
Different. Life is no longer on a stage or in a play.

Father’s Day

I am so lucky enough to have the parents that I do. I did a special post about my mom for Mother’s Day and I am going to do the same for my dad in this post. There are so many things that people (including myself) could say about my dad. He is kind, gentle, strong, patient, hard working, and the list can go on. I have had hardships in my life and I am truly grateful that my parents (especially my dad in this case) have been there for me in every step along the way. I am trying to take Demi’s advice. She says to “Thank your parents for giving you the gift of life and doing their best.” I have always tried to show my appreciation towards my parents for all that they have done.

I scoured the internet for the right quote and I came across this quote that describes what my dad means to me. “A father is someone you look up to no matter how tall you grow.” I never really thought about it in that way since very recently. I have realized I have many similarities with my mom, but I have also realized that I share many things in common with my dad. We both like sports (especially baseball) and we can talk sports all day long (it would probably drive my mom crazy). Anyways, I just want to take this moment to show appreciation towards my dad and to say thank you for all that he has done. Words cannot describe how much I love you.

There is so much more that I can say about you, but I will let this poem speak for itself. I also want to show my appreciation towards the other fathers and dads across this world. I know that we are not all lucky enough to have a dad to call their own, so I want to take this moment to remind my readers (and others) to show thanks towards people who have been like father figures in their lives, whether it is a mom who plays a dual role of both being a mother and father, or an adoptive dad, or a 2nd or 3rd dad (like I have). I hope you all enjoy your day because you deserve it as much as the moms and mothers across the world as well.

My Father

To my father, a person I am

Lucky enough

To call my own. He is my jokester

With a corny sense of humor.

He is my source

Of wisdom and guidance.

He is my protector.

He is my heart and soul.

He is my kindness

And softness.

He does not have any hard edges,

But he is gentle and intelligent.

I am his daughter, his world and

Someone who will

Always love him.

We share sports and

Other common ground.

Just like my mother,

We share endless

Love and light.

He does not care about

My physical beauty

Because in his eyes,

None of that matters.

He pays no attention to

My flaws or imperfections.

In his eyes, I am perfect just as

I am. He makes me want to

Set high standards for whomever

Is trying to take his place. He is

My source of strength

And resilience. He is my teacher,

For he has taught me about equality

For every skin color, for every race,

For every gender and for every

Social class in this world.

He has taught me about compassion

And that nothing in life comes easy.

We all need to work hard every day.

He sees the negative and the positive

In everything. I am going to always

Be his daughter and baby.

He is going to always be

My dad and father.

The Power of Forgiveness and Love

Hi everybody, I am back once again. I hope that you did not miss me too much while I was gone. I went back to the east coast (the first time since I have graduated from McDaniel College two years ago) to attend a friend’s wedding and to see some of my other east coast friends. The weather turned out to be beautiful (they were predicting rain), the wedding was nice and my friend (Katalin) looked absolutely stunning. The little backstory here is that Katalin and I went to McDaniel together (she was a year or two older than me). She met this guy (her now husband Kenny) who she met online. They were together a couple of years and then they got married. I would not miss her wedding.

The point here ties into why I wanted to start this blog (P.S. she was the one who helped me with this blog idea so I thank her again for that) and why I came up with “Messy Ties.” Katalin is Catholic and a lot of her family is Hungarian (among other things as well). Kenny is also Catholic and is Mexican (among other things). I though it was pretty amazing because they really tried to blend those two things together. I have to admit that this is (by far) one of the most religious weddings that I have ever been to. They did mass and the whole nine yards (in the church with prayers and everything).

The one thing I remembered from the wedding was when the preacher (or whatever you call those people) started talking about how important it is to have a strong foundation. He went on to say how a marriage (or union) would fall apart unless you water and lay down a solid foundation. Even though I am not a super religious person (after all, my parents are non practicing Catholics and Jews), I really had to agree with this. It got me thinking about what I look for in a relationship. Another thing that came from this trip and especially this wedding was when I saw two guys I used to date (at Katalin’s wedding). Their code names in this instance are A and M. I had to prepare myself (although in terms of seeing M did not seem to bad). I was dreading to see A (I never wanted to see him again after things ended).

The encounters with both of them went better than expected. I just had to pretend like everything was okay and got me thinking about the power of love and forgiveness. I think Martin Luther King says it in the best way. “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.” These are strong words coming from one of the greatest people on this earth who sadly passed away years ago. What MLK is saying is that we need to forgive, otherwise we will not have the ability to love. There are good things in bad people and there are bad things in good people. When we realize this, we are less likely to hate our enemies.

I felt the power of Katalin and Kenny’s love (after all they were surrounded by people supporting them as the pastor pointed out). I felt the power of forgiveness when I had to forgive myself and those guys I used to date. I had to forgive myself for whatever happened and I had to forgive them (even when I did not get that apology I deserved). I firmly believe that forgiveness and love are two of strongest things in this world. Furthermore, that is why they are so powerful. This wedding inspired this poem that I started once I got back to the hotel after the wedding and I tried to finish it as best as I could. I hope that everybody is able to forgive someone (even though it is so hard) and that they find the love that they deserve. We cannot live without those two things. I hope that everybody enjoys this poem I wrote (it may need a little more work). This goes to Katalin, Kenny, my mom, my dad, A, M, and everybody else who inspired me to write this poem. It is time to build our own foundation and believe that we do have the ability to love, even when we have been hurt before.

My Foundation

The ability to love and forgive.

I know it holds the power to heal

Just about anything. It is about the

Foundation being built before

Everything else. It all takes me

Back to a time, all those years

Ago when I was too naïve to love.

I am still afraid to do so to

This very day. I have the proof

That this love does exist and work.

I see it through the shining example

Of my parents and friends every day.

I am not incapable of love.

I just choose to work on myself

And hope to find someone to

Support me as I go along in life.

I choose to put myself first

Before everybody else.

I am building my own foundation.

Broken Heart

Heartbreaks are about as messy as they come. Heartbreaks are never simple or easy. They are super complex and hard to understand sometimes. In Demi’s book for today’s entry she talks about heart break. Now, I know that we have all been through a heart break. It does not matter how big or small it is/was, it still hurts. However, whenever our heart gets broken it has taught us a thing or two. We all learn different things from heartbreak. Like I said before, getting heartbroken hurts, but it is also a time of healing and self reflection.

Demi points out that it can be caused either by someone or something. The goal for today’s entry is to “Think about someone or something that broke your heart and then think about how that made you change and grow for the better.” I am forever thankful for the people and things that broke my heart for many reasons. They have taught me to be a better person and taught me that it is okay to have high standards. They have also taught me to have my guard up and that it is okay to say no. I can go on and on about what else heartbreak has taught me, but that list will go on forever.

There are some important things to remember about heartbreak. The first thing is that no matter what happens, someone or something will get broken. I remember having a conversation with my mom and I have told her that I will never break anybody’s heart (I think we had this conversation after my first boyfriend broke up with me) and she turned to me and said “At some point you are going break someone’s heart.” I have looked back at that conversation and realized how true that turned out to be. The second thing to know about heartbreak is that no matter how much it hurts, you will come out of it on the other side. The third thing to know about heartbreak is that it is all about you. Even if you broke someone (or something) else’s heart.

Heartbreak can turn out to be a very traumatic process, so take as much time as you need after a heartbreaking situation. People can try to tell you how to get over a heartbreak, but until they have been through something just as tragic and sad, they do not know what it is like. I have to admit that heartbreak has definitely inspired me and my poetry writing. I am 24 years old and I have been through a lot of heartbreak over the years. This poem goes out to all of the people who have gotten their heart broken many times and have used it as a lesson learned. I know heartbreak can sometimes take us to a dark place, but we have shown time and time again how imperfect things can be sometimes.

Learning

Flawless and beautiful
I am not. I have cracks
And my love is not bountiful.
It comes in shades of blacks,
Grey and blue. It is so rare
And filled with gaping holes.
I will make a promise and swear
That the soles
Of my feet will stop
Digging through the dirt
And sand. I will mop
Up and avert
My eyes away from
The mess ups. I will start
To feel less glum
And my heart
Will be less dark.
The light will come in.
I will leave my mark
Behind. I will not forget my sin.
My mistakes will not be tossed away.
I will not get myself burned
Anymore. The pathway
Will lead to my lesson learned.

Valentine’s Day and Spreading Love

It’s February 14th, which means it’s Valentine’s Day! I want to wish everybody (whether you are in a relationship or single) a happy Valentine’s Day. I do not want to get all sappy (and some of you many not want to hear it) so I won’t. There’s this stigma around Valentine’s Day, saying that it is a holiday for couples only. What about all the single people? You shouldn’t feel bad for being single (it isn’t anybody’s fault). Forget about going out to a fancy dinner or getting chocolate or getting flowers. Forget about wallowing around and watching reruns on TV. It’s not so much about going all out or doing too little.

Spending Valentine’s Day alone isn’t the end of the world. Valentine’s Day is about spreading love, happiness, and laughter. Spend time with your friends or do something fun or give back in some way. You deserve it. To spread some cheer (especially for those around this holiday who are down in the dumps) here is a poem 0r two to cheer you up. This is about that special someone who is either a friend, a family member or something more than that. Whoever that person is, it does not matter. That “special” person could even be yourself. Whatever you are doing on this holiday (or whoever you are spending this holiday with) just remember that you are never alone (no matter how alone you feel sometimes). Lots of love to you all. Treasure those special moments. Everybody is special and beautiful (you don’t need other people to remind you of that), but here’s a reminder for you just in case.

Our Hands

With our hands linked together

Our touches became light as a feather,

Although your hands are callused from

The harsh winter. I don’t feel so numb

Anymore. It’s a sign of comfort

And I start to wonder

If this is what peace feels like?

Although I can see that we’re alike,

I ponder if we’re just lucky.

This moment feels lovely.

It’s no longer about claiming

Territory or about taking

Anything. It’s about our connection

And spark. It’s something special.

I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I want to keep it all furled.

Nobody can touch this, even in silence.

To you I’m a diamond

Because I am so beautiful

And this is one thing we can control.

Friends or whatever

We are, we can endeavor

Anything as long as we are

Intertwined and follow the North Star.

There we will find our harmony.

There lies our dreams and destiny.