Tag: putting yourself first

Having High Standards

I want to talk about a topic that is very important and that is having high standards. High standards… Whether we want to admit it or not we all have high standards when it comes to relationships (I am talking about dating/love types of relationships, but any other kinds of relationship will do). I know that there are many people who we cross paths with. We have to determine whether those people are important enough to stay and be a part of those lives. We can call them boundaries or standards or whatever else we want to call them. Nevertheless, they are almost the same exact things. They are a set guideline that we establish in order to live a healthy and happy life. We set those standards not for other people, but for ourselves.

There is this quote that I came across that I totally agree with. “Never apologize for having high standards. People who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them.” What that quote is saying is that you should never be sorry for having high standards because they are there for a reason and they will never be too high for those who want to be a part of your life. The other people who do not want to rise up to meet them are not important and they really should not matter to you at all. I do not want to be rude or blunt, but you should really kick those people to the curb because in the end those people are not worth it. I have to admit that even I have high standards. That does not make me or anybody else a prude and does not make us feel uncertain. More than anything else, it shows that we know exactly what we want because we observe and pay enough attention to what goes around us.

These high standards are not just for our personal lives (dating), but they are also applied to every other aspect of our lives. In the end what I am saying is that having high standards are important because you cannot just let anybody walk all over you. I have gotten my high standards from my parents (especially my dad because he treats my mom so well) and from other people. As I have said before, I am one of those people who likes observing and for the most part, I know what I want, hence my high standards. I want to conclude this post with one of my favorite quotes by Steve Maraboli. “Just because she has high standards doesn’t mean she’s high maintenance. Don’t confuse the two.” So listen up ladies and gentlemen… Treat us with respect, dignity, etc. and you will be perfectly okay. That is all we are asking for and may we all find someone (or more than one person) who will meet our high standards face on. In fact, find those people who go way above and beyond those standards. Those are the type of people you want to keep around for the long haul. Thanks for tuning in.

High Standards

Every kiss on my hand and

On other parts of my body

Give me chills. Every time

You hold my hand and

Hold me it gives me

Reassurance that you

Want me as much as

I want you. You are

Showing and telling me

That you care. When you

Brought me flowers

You are being thoughtful.

When you are meeting

My family you are

Being brave. When you

Bring my mom flowers

And my dad wine you are

Being considerate.

When you are helping me

With my jacket and

Opening my door you are

Being a gentleman.

I have high standards

And you are rising up

To meet them. You are

Going above and beyond

My expectations.

Just when you are not

Looking it comes to you.

The Power of Forgiveness and Love

Hi everybody, I am back once again. I hope that you did not miss me too much while I was gone. I went back to the east coast (the first time since I have graduated from McDaniel College two years ago) to attend a friend’s wedding and to see some of my other east coast friends. The weather turned out to be beautiful (they were predicting rain), the wedding was nice and my friend (Katalin) looked absolutely stunning. The little backstory here is that Katalin and I went to McDaniel together (she was a year or two older than me). She met this guy (her now husband Kenny) who she met online. They were together a couple of years and then they got married. I would not miss her wedding.

The point here ties into why I wanted to start this blog (P.S. she was the one who helped me with this blog idea so I thank her again for that) and why I came up with “Messy Ties.” Katalin is Catholic and a lot of her family is Hungarian (among other things as well). Kenny is also Catholic and is Mexican (among other things). I though it was pretty amazing because they really tried to blend those two things together. I have to admit that this is (by far) one of the most religious weddings that I have ever been to. They did mass and the whole nine yards (in the church with prayers and everything).

The one thing I remembered from the wedding was when the preacher (or whatever you call those people) started talking about how important it is to have a strong foundation. He went on to say how a marriage (or union) would fall apart unless you water and lay down a solid foundation. Even though I am not a super religious person (after all, my parents are non practicing Catholics and Jews), I really had to agree with this. It got me thinking about what I look for in a relationship. Another thing that came from this trip and especially this wedding was when I saw two guys I used to date (at Katalin’s wedding). Their code names in this instance are A and M. I had to prepare myself (although in terms of seeing M did not seem to bad). I was dreading to see A (I never wanted to see him again after things ended).

The encounters with both of them went better than expected. I just had to pretend like everything was okay and got me thinking about the power of love and forgiveness. I think Martin Luther King says it in the best way. “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.” These are strong words coming from one of the greatest people on this earth who sadly passed away years ago. What MLK is saying is that we need to forgive, otherwise we will not have the ability to love. There are good things in bad people and there are bad things in good people. When we realize this, we are less likely to hate our enemies.

I felt the power of Katalin and Kenny’s love (after all they were surrounded by people supporting them as the pastor pointed out). I felt the power of forgiveness when I had to forgive myself and those guys I used to date. I had to forgive myself for whatever happened and I had to forgive them (even when I did not get that apology I deserved). I firmly believe that forgiveness and love are two of strongest things in this world. Furthermore, that is why they are so powerful. This wedding inspired this poem that I started once I got back to the hotel after the wedding and I tried to finish it as best as I could. I hope that everybody is able to forgive someone (even though it is so hard) and that they find the love that they deserve. We cannot live without those two things. I hope that everybody enjoys this poem I wrote (it may need a little more work). This goes to Katalin, Kenny, my mom, my dad, A, M, and everybody else who inspired me to write this poem. It is time to build our own foundation and believe that we do have the ability to love, even when we have been hurt before.

My Foundation

The ability to love and forgive.

I know it holds the power to heal

Just about anything. It is about the

Foundation being built before

Everything else. It all takes me

Back to a time, all those years

Ago when I was too naïve to love.

I am still afraid to do so to

This very day. I have the proof

That this love does exist and work.

I see it through the shining example

Of my parents and friends every day.

I am not incapable of love.

I just choose to work on myself

And hope to find someone to

Support me as I go along in life.

I choose to put myself first

Before everybody else.

I am building my own foundation.

Girls, Women, and Ladies

They come in all shapes and forms. Whatever you want to call them… It all does not matter. I know that our country is founded upon “All men are created equal.” In this case I do not want to solely focus on the men. Although they are an important part of our lives, they are not the only important people in our lives. Men are praised for being strong and powerful, although in some cases they are criticized for not being “man” enough. What about the women all across this world? They are naturally portrayed as weak and vulnerable. Why cannot women be strong and powerful as well? And why is it that although it is the 21st century women are still being viewed as unequal to men. Women give birth to our children and still have to constantly fight to keep their rights. They get unequal pay, etc.

My whole point is that maybe it is time for women (including myself and other women I know) to put themselves first. I know that is one of the hardest things to do in this world, especially for those so used to taking care of others and putting themselves last. I have searched the internet for the right quote (trust me there are a lot) about putting yourself first and I came across this one (I also happened to find this on one of my friend’s Facebook pages, thanks in part to Caitlyn). “Happiness starts with you – not with your relationships, not with your job, not with your money, but with you.” In other words, it is all about your happiness and your life. In the end, it should never matter what other people think about you and the choices you make. Demi, my hero, talks about putting yourself first too. She says “Sometimes it is okay to be selfish. Being selfless all the time can be detrimental to your mind and body.” In other words, it is okay to be selfish every once and a while.  Give yourself permission to treat yourself with the respect and care that you deserve.

I wrote this poem for myself (I think of it as a short letter to myself), for I have been through a lot of things recently (I will not go too much into it all). This goes out to all the women both in my life and across the world. I am telling them (as well as myself) to never stop being who they are and that they should never let anybody else put them down. Just keep on being the amazing and strong women we all know we can be. This poem is for you!!

Putting Herself First

Just know that she always

Comes first, no matter if

She is struggling or trying

To make room for herself

To breathe. She is her

Own priority. In the past

She has cared too much

For other people and

What they think.

Now she is thinking for

Herself and what she

Needs to do to make

Herself happy. She has

Goals, dreams,

And ambitions. She will

Be mad and upset if

You or anybody else gets

In her way. She is a warrior

And goddess. She has this

Quiet yet strong power

And presence to who she is.

She is selfish only because

She deserves to care

For herself and because she

Has been let down before.

She has endless strength

Within her. She is her own

Walking life motto.