Community

I just want to apologize to everyone for the long hiatus. Things have been just crazy with life in general. I am sure that you heard my story of how I got started in poetry. I started writing in middle school and have been in love with it ever since. I use it mostly as an outlet… a way for me to try to get my feelings and thoughts out on paper so I had it somewhere instead of just in my head.

Another reason why I enjoy writing poetry so much is that it gives me a way to connect with others. I really just happened to stumble across Deep Underground Poetry and thanks to a friend of mine who also joined. I am thankful to that friend because Deep Underground Poetry has become a community. It has given me a chance to connect with other writers and it is an environment I feel safe in to be myself and share my work. Here is a quote by Mary Karr who describes it the best. “Poetry is for me Eucharistic. You take someone else’s suffering into your body, their passion comes into your body, and in doing that you commune, you take communion, you make a community with others.” That is what poetry really means to me, especially in the poetry community.

This post is dedicated to the Deep Underground Poetry community and to Bluevelvete who’s work I have been following. The following poem is a competition I participated in and received runner up. Thank you for being an inspiration and giving me the push and drive I need to keep writing. I thank each and everyone from the bottom of my heart. This community has been welcoming and has welcomed me with open arms.

Soft like Velvet

Just like flower petals you open up.
When life is feeling empty and
Extremely heavy you are the cup
That always remains full. You hand

Me parts of your soul and spirit
When mine is giving up. Your words
Bring hope. They are my one ticket
To the light in the darkness. Like birds

You fly me to a safer place. So my
Darling, I hope you never stop letting
The words float across the page die
Away. You are the soft and safe netting,

Protecting everyone. You are the ying
To my yang and the sweet to my sour.
You are like my miracle in the spring.
So I am thankful for you in every hour.

Real and True Love

I know that this post is a week late with Valentine’s Day just a couple of weeks ago, but I guess it is never too late when we talk about this subject. I just recently had a conversation with my closest friend who went through a bad breakup. I won’t go into all the details of what happened because that is her business. With that conversation and with everything that I have gone through in the past with past relationships I will talk about this subject of real and true love. I feel like this is a subject we can all relate to in one way or another. I think it is what a lot of us aim and strive for when we are looking for that right relationship. And for the most part it will find you rather than the other way around. That leads me to my first quote of this post. “When love is real it finds a way.” This echoes almost exactly what I said just before. It is what my best friend said to me once upon a time. True love will find you, especially when you least expect it. It could happen at work or it could really happen anywhere and with anyone.

We tend to think of love stories of having an ending, but I think the truth is that true love never has an ending. That leads me to my next quote. Richard Bach says “True love stories never have endings.” It is like what I said before… true love does not have an ending. I think that is why it is sometime called never ending love. It is love that never ends. A love that lasts until the day you both die. A love that you makes you feel cool and calm. I probably shared this quote already, but if I haven’t here it is. Monica Drake says “The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.” Usually people tell you that your soulmate gives you butterflies and makes your knees go week. This quote is saying the opposite. Your soulmate should make you feel calm with no anxiety. They can still give you butterflies (the good kind).

I am fortunate enough to have a great example of what true and real love is. I look at the example of my parents. They have love that is undeniable. Yes, they fight and argue, but at the end of the day they still love each other. Love is imperfect. Once you find that real and true love you fight hard to keep it. You just have to make sure that love is mutual. That means if you love them they should love you back in return. In other words, it should not be a one sided type of love. That brings me into my next quote. “Love isn’t perfect. It isn’t a fairytale or a storybook and it doesn’t always come easy. Love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on and never letting go. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, and impossible to live without. Love is work, but
most of all, love is realizing that every hour, every minute, every second of it was worth it because you did it together.” In other words, love has its imperfections, but sometime it is worth all the hard work, especially when you work together, not against each other.

I could go and on about this, but I will say this… it is a little piece of advice a friend once gave me, especially after leaving a relationship. Take the time to sit down with a piece of paper and make what could be kind of a checklist of everything you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/future spouse. I keep adding to the list and I know that it is still floating around somewhere. If I ever do find it I will definitely share it with you all. She said to include it in your vows whenever you do get married.

I will share two final final quote with you all. Ali Larter says “You know it’s right when you feel this undeniable connection and chemistry.” In other words, you just know when it is the right type of love. Love goes way beyond chemistry. You can just feel it in your head and heart. The second one by Pierre Alex Jeanty says “True love will come. It will not bring pain, but healing. It will not
bring confusion, but clarity. It will not awaken your insecurities, but put them to sleep. Real love will come and wipe away all the wrong experiences. Hold on.” In other words, hold on until you find that real love. That quote ties into one of the other quotes of this post about finding someone who makes you calm. Your soulmate is like a teammate or parter. They support you and have you putting away your insecurities/doubts.

I just encourage everyone to never give up on true or real love. This post is dedicated to my best friend since elementary school. I love you. This post and poem is dedicated to you. I hope someday you find someone who can give you that real feeling of love because you deserve it!

The Purest Love

All I wanted for you to do was to take me
Home, but every time I look into your eyes
I am already there. With your clothes
Thrown around my room and in this bed
With my head against your chest I think
To myself… this is all I ever really wanted.

With you in my head and my lungs I see
A bright future. All of the other guys
Could have me, but with all the oaths
I made to you the oaths stand true. I sink
To my knees because you are in my head
And heart. Others have never haunted

My dreams quite like you do. Somehow I
Thought every man before you was going
To save me, but I had to save myself and
Be okay with being by myself before
I could ever let anyone else in. I let you
In even with a protected and guarded

Heart. I saw my reflection in your eyes
And saw myself as you saw me… glowing
And filled with happiness. With your hands
All over me I was home. With the door
Of the past closed I could breathe. Too
Many times I thought I would be discarded

On the side of the road like I was totally
Forgotten about, but you picked me up
When the darkness became too much.
I just wanted for the good parts of our
Story to be what people remember when
They think about love. I was never afraid

Of losing to love, but losing the brokenly
Parts to my enemies who wanted my cup
To remain empty. It was your firm touch
That saved me. With every waking hour
I just want to to spend them all within
Your loving embrace. I never prayed

For anything more than what my parents
Have…. A strong and gentle love. An
Equal partnership. Love that lasts until
We are old and gray. Something that holds
My hand and heart with such carefulness.
Someone who will say I do at the end of

The aisle with sureness and assurance.
Promises with vows and rings with plans
For the future, giving my heart stillness
And not shakiness. When the truth unfolds
You will dive in with me with fearlessness
And with no room to be afraid. This is love.

Coffee Break & Tea Time

I know that a lot of people drink coffee or tea. I am one of those tea people. I remember my mom always told me to drink tea when I needed to calm down or when I was feeling nerves or when my stomach was upset. Whatever it was drinking tea was the solution. This brings me to my first quote of this blog post by Bernard-Paul Heroux. He says “There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a nice cup of tea.” That quote is so very true because no matter the situation I feel as if a cup of tea solves a lot of problems, no matter how big or little. It makes us re-evaluate any situation and get a bird’s eye view of what is going on.

Just taking a moment to step back and reflect helps a lot too. That brings me into my next quote of this post. Letitia Baldrige says “Tea time is a chance to slow down, pull back and appreciate our surroundings.” That is why I feel like we should make time almost every day for tea or coffee. That is why it is called tea time or coffee break. I feel like tea time is a British term. It really gives us a break during our busy days and a time to take a much needed breath or two. It gives us a clear had. There is so much more I could say about this subject, but I will stop here. I hope that all of my readers take the time to take a much needed tea time or coffee break when they need it. I hope that you enjoy the following the following poem.

Starting the Day with Tea

They always say it starts with a fresh, hot cup of tea
Because that is all I could think about with you and me
On the forefront of my mind. Just like the tea kettle
That is whistling and the tea leaves that begin to settle
On the bottom of my mug, you stir those forbidden
Thoughts rattling through my heart. Those hidden
Memories are brought back to the murky surface
With every sip and swallow. I just want to trace
Your face one last time with my fingers like I follow
The mug’s rim, watching and feeling the hollow
Sound of your heartbeat. But then the tea becomes
Stale and cold in my delicate hands. Then comes
The reality that we could never go back to how things
Were before because the truth is that everything stings.

Volcanoes

Sorry for taking another hiatus. However now that I am back for the time being I got a topic for this post. Volcanoes… I thought of this as I participated in a competition on DUP on the theme of volcanoes, especially inspired by the La Palma volcano. As a participant I received runner up for the poem I will share as the end of this post.

I think volcanoes can teach us a thing or two. One of the most important thing they can teach us about is the beginning of life. I feel like we nor this earth be in existence without volcanoes. I feel like they are the ones that gave birth to life. That leads me to my first quote of this post by Robert Gross. He says “Volcanoes are one way earth gives birth to itself.” In other words, earth comes from volcanoes and vice versa. I could go on and on about volcanoes, but I will conclude this post right here. Enjoy the following poem!

Flowing Lava

Luscious lava spilling from her center
Like an explosion. People run away
In terror but it is how this earth was
Built, from spilled lava and tremors
Like an earthquake. The earth sways
And tilts but somehow like a vase
Or a sailing ship we keep steady.

Strangers

First off, I want to apologize for not writing here for a long time. Has it really been over a month? Time has gone by so quickly. Now that part is out of the way… lets dive in. When people come into your life they start off as strangers. That leads me in to my very first quote of this post. “We all start as strangers.” Some people eventually become more than that. Some of them are simply just strangers. This post is about those people. There are also people who start off as strangers then become something more and then go back to being strangers again. This post is about those people too.

I do not want to keep this post too long, but I sometimes feel like strangers know you better than those closest to you. Of course this is not always the case, but that is what my poem in this post is all about. That is what this next quote explains too. Yeah Raeder says “There are moments, when you’re getting to know someone, when you realize something deep and buried in you is deep and buried in them too. It feels like meeting a stranger you’ve known your whole life.” That is why when we meet a stranger it feels like we already know them.

Before we get into the poem let me conclude with one final quote. June Jordan says “I am a stranger, learning to love the strangers around me.” So in other words we are all strangers and we need to learn to love those around us. That is the best thing we can do… show love to everyone, even to strangers because everyone could use at least a little love and compassion. Anyways… I hope you enjoy the following poem.

More Than Strangers

Maybe this is all just a nightmare,
On repeat, but I cannot help it
With the way he always stares
At me like he knows we fit
So perfectly together. Maybe
We knew each other from some
Other life, but in this one he
Is some stranger with his thumb
On the control button. We both
Admit to having chemistry no one
Could understand. I made an oath
And an absolute promise to never run
Away from all the feelings I would
Always keep bottled up. Maybe in
This life he knows what we could
Have had and the road we have been
Driving on has led us to be something
More than just strangers. We are more
Than people who have been numbing
The pain and shutting the wide-open door
 On people who continue to hurt us every
Single time. Maybe he came in to repair
Something that was feeling like treachery
Or betrayal in my heart. With no more air
Left to breathe he was the air and breath
I needed to survive. So, while he might
Be a stranger he kept me away from death’s
Door as this would no longer be my last fight.
In a world with so much hate, anger and
Darkness he became my new homeland.

Unrequited Love (From Another Perspective)

This is a continuation of a post I put up here about 3 years ago about Unrequited Love/Crush (click here to reread the original post). I wanted to do this post from a different perspective. You can love someone, but sometimes they do not love you back because they could be with someone else or they do not feel the same way about you. You can either choose to hang onto that unreturned love and could idrag you down or you can choose to move on without that person. That leads me to my first quote for this post. Defsoul_8 says “It’s hard but letting go of an UNREQUITED LOVE is the best thing you can ever do for yourself.” That quote sheds some light on why, in most incidences, one should let go of unrequited love and that reason is because no matter how much you love that person they may never love you back. That is why you have to let go of it and it is the best thing to do for yourself because otherwise it will hurt you. It will also prevent you from finding someone who will love you back. I can guarantee that the person who you love is way different than the person who loves you. That brings me to my next quote by Chuck Palahniuk. He says “The one who you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.” In other words you can love someone but they will not love you and there is someone completely different who will love you. I know it sounds so twisted but it is the truth.

Unrequited love is not necessarily always about romantic relationships. It could a relationship between mother and daughter, father and son, etc. I think you get the point. That brings me to my next quote. Rosamund Lupton says “When I talk about unrequited love, most of you probably think about romantic love, but there are many other kinds of love that are not adequately returned, if they are returned at all. An angry adolescent may not love her mother back as her mother loves her; an abusive father doesn’t return the innocent open love of his young child. But grief is the ultimate unrequited love. However hard and however long we love someone who has died, they can never love us back. At least that is how it feels…” In other words grief is the strongest of them all in terms of unrequited love. That is why unrequited love hurts so much.

I do not want to make this post super long since it is a subject I have talked about before but I will conclude by sharing at least one more quote. This one reiterates the point I have been making all along. Ranata Susuki says “There are over 7 billion people in the world and sometimes you fall in love with someone and they fall in love you back – but sometimes they don’t and that’s just statistics… it’s not a fail on your part. The right person is out there for you – it’s just not this one” In other words there is the person out there who will love you but it is not this person who cannot even love you back. I will conclude this post by sharing the following poem. Enjoy! And I just want to apologize for not posting anything for a while.

Unreciprocated Love

I looked at you from afar but you never
Returned my gaze. I wanted to run my
Fingers through your hair, hoping you
Would return my love, but you send
It right back, unopened. You are clever.
You are holding back the tears you cry
Because he does not treat you like I do.
He never saw you like I did on the mend

And always willing to forgive. You see us
As nothing but friends. But I have always
Felt something more. I am too afraid to tell
You how I truly feel because you will run
To the hills. He may never fight or fuss
Over you, but through the deep haze
I see you. I want to hold you through hell
And back. Even when the bright sun

Is in your eyes I love you more. But in that
Moment I know you cannot love me back.
I cannot keep following you down the flat,
Curvy road as you are on a different track.

Life Is a Journey and Having Your Own Path

Life takes us in many different directions. Up, down, and side to side. It kind of reminds me of a roller coaster because it never quite goes linear or straight. That is why I feel like life is a journey. And a lot of the time we have to take the journey all on our own. That is what this post is all about. Not about what that journey is like, but about taking it alone and making our own path. We should all know by now that life is a journey and we should not expect everyone to understand it, let alone travel it. That brings me to my very first quote of this post. “Don’t expect anyone to understand your journey, especially if they’ve never walked your path.” So in other words, do not let others dictate your journey or walk your path, especially if they have never been where you have been. It works the other way around too. Do not judge anyone for the journey or path they have taken.

Sometimes people are meant to walk the same path together, whether it is best friends, co-workers, romantic partners, etc. But a lot of the time your paths diverge and then you are not walking down the same path anymore. Guess what? That is perfectly fine because you and that person may realize that you want different things in life. In that case all you can do is to wish them the best and move on by forging your own path. That leads me to my very next quote which says the following. “Everyone has their own path. Walk yours with integrity and wish all others peace on their journey. When your paths merge, rejoice for their presence in your life. When the paths are separated, return to the wholeness of yourself, give thanks for the footprints left on your soul, and embrace the time to journey on your own.” In other words, be appreciative for the people who you met along the way, but do not be afraid to go your own way, with or without them.

I want to conclude this post by saying that we can all choose our paths, both the good and the bad. That does not mean that we have to stop wishing the best for someone else’s journey. We can still choose to be someone’s cheerleader even if it is from a distance. I never intentionally choose to wish someone the worst or wish them any bad luck or see them suffer because that is just not who I am. The following poems can really speak for themselves because I feel like I do not need to give any sort of backstory to them or anything. I know that you all will get its intention. Enjoy!!!!

Photo credit: amidamaru900 (Instagram)

Down Different Roads

We will pass the night sky like shooting
Stars as I wish we could be together in
Our next life. I always find myself rooting
For your happiness because living in sin
And sadness is never what I wanted for
You. I never wanted to see you suffer or
Beg for something you were never meant
To lose. Love. Happiness and life passing
By in slow motion. We should have spent
This time loving each other and grasping
Hands before it was all gone in a whisper
Of smoke. Clouds part and what became
Crystal clear was that you were the kisser
Of my wounds, but never doused a flame
In my heart that was about to explode.
In the end we went down different roads.

Visual poem titled “Life’s Choices.”

Common Sense and Lack of Common Sense

I think common sense would be pretty common (pardon the pun), but I feel like some people out there lack common sense. First off let’s talk about the very definition of what common sense is. When one looks it up in the dictionary. It might say something like the following from the Oxford dictionary. “the ability to think about things in a practical way and make sensible decisions.” In other words, it helps us make reasonable decisions. That leads me into my first quote of this blog post which says what I said from the very beginning of this post. “If only common sense were more common.” Some people have the worst common sense.

This is a short post so I will conclude this post with the poem down below and that is it. I wrote it in the aftermath of the January 6 insurrection because in my mind those people seemed to have the worst common sense. That leads me to my next and final quote of this post. “Common sense is a flower that does not grow in everyone’s garden.” That brings me to what this post is all about. My point is this… there are people in this world who have common sense and then there are those people who lack common sense. For the most part it is very easy to distinguish between the two. I hope that you all enjoy the following poem.

For the Better Good

Some people just lack common sense
As they want to cross over the fence,

But never take the time to know why
It is there. They see the burning sky,

But never know why it is constantly
Burning. They cause chaos and bodily

Harm but never understand the pain
It causes. They complain about the rain

But never understand why people stand
In line for change. They never fanned

The flames and they shift the blame
Onto someone else when they take aim

At people who serve to be our voice for
The better good. They break the door

In the hopes of disturbing such a sacred
Space that is now tarnished with hatred,

Not with peace or their patriotism. They
Need to learn a thing or two about laying

Their hearts in the right place instead of
Shattering the broken remains of love

And sacrifice. Inspire a peacefully led
Revolution for justice instead of a thread

That leads straight to more destructive
Behavior. Be a voice for a more productive

Movement as the rest of us use our voices
And hearts for common sense and choices.

Matters of the Heart

I know I probably talked about the matters of the heart so many times. As I think about it more and more I realize that the heart is one of the most essential organs we have in our bodies. It pumps blood and keeps us alive every day. I really am sorry for everything that I put my heart through. I am thankful for it every minute of every day. That is the very reason why we have to protect it. That leads me to my first quote of this post. Proverb 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” In other word we should protect and guard our hearts because life itself flows and comes from it.

I could go on and on about how important our heart is, but I think people get the point. There is so much more I could say about our hearts, but I will conclude with a couple of more quotes and they are important ones. The first one is by Princess Diana. She says “Only do what your heart tells you.” In other words, you should be trusting and following your heart. You should be doing what your heart tells you to do because it is usually right. That leads me into my next and final quote of this post by Alfred Adler. He says “Follow your heart but take your brain with you.” It is a gentle reminder to follow your heart, but do no not forget to take your brain with you which is very important.

This post is a gentle reminder for those of us who forget that our hearts are the most important organ we have in our body. We have to take care of it, not only physically, but mentally as well because we put it through a lot. The truth is that we cannot always count on others to take care of it for us because it belongs to us and no one else. In a way we have to take care of our own hearts before we take on the responsibility to take care of someone else’s heart because our our health should come before someone else’s damaged heart. So this post is for all of you. Cheers! And enjoy these two poems. The first one is in tribute to Rita Dove who is a poet I came across in one of the competitions I took part in on DUP (won runner up position). You can read her poem that was the inspiration for my poem (click here). Like I said before, I hope that you all enjoy them.

There Goes My Heart

Pitter patter
goes my heart
every time I see you.

Take what belongs
to you – the heart
moving with
every breath
and word spoken
So eloquently.

All I yearned for
was simplicity
and easiness.

The heart never
loses its shape
nor its color
as it never stops
its birdlike or drum
like consistency.

It never stops its
path to freedom.

Visual poem titled “Healing Heart.”

Things That Are Left Unsaid & Unsent Letters

We all have things that are left unsaid, especially when it comes to someone who left or died. This someone may have hurt you or vice versa. In some way these things that are unsaid impact you in some way. These people have an impact on you as well whether you realize it or not. That brings me to my first quote by Sara Zarr, who says, “There are certain people that come into your life, and leave a mark. I’m talking about the ones who, for whatever reason, are as much a part of you as your own soul. Their place in your heart is tender, a bruise of longing, a pulse of unfinished business. Just hearing their names pushes and pulls at you in a hundred ways, and when you try to define those hundred ways, describe them even to yourself, words are useless. If you had a lifetime to talk, there would still be things left unsaid.” In other words, there are people who have an impact on your life and even if you had all the time in the world to talk to each other there will still always be things that will be left unsaid.

These things that are left unsaid also stay with us no matter what. Which brings me to my next quote, which says, “Things left unsaid stay with us forever.” I think I already summed that quote up perfectly already, but I will reiterate. The things left unsaid stay with us permanently, no matter what happens in life. They linger and stay with us.

Sometimes there are things we wish we would have said and sometimes I write those things into poems/letters. It is the best way to get it out even if that person does not see those poems/letters. Those people are such a huge part of our lives and even if we left on bad terms there are some things that are going on in our lives currently that we wish we could tell them. My point is this, even if you do not send those poems/letters it gives us closure in some way or the other. It gives you that clarity that you did not get before. It especially helps when there is physical distance between you and that person.

I wanted this post to be one of the first ones of the new year because it is like starting with a new slate. In a way you are writing your thoughts without really sharing it with anyone or anything besides paper. That brings me to one final quote by Nancy Ducey. She says, “There are letters I have written, unspoken words I must release. I bare my soul on paper, but in the end it is only ink.” So here is a poem that I wrote in some sort of letter format in the hopes that I am able to get almost everything out that I want to. The second one is a letter that I did indeed write and neither one of them had been sent. And I encourage my readers to do the same. Sit down and write a poem or letter, but do not send it. I hope that you all enjoy these poems/letters.

Unsent Letter

I have to write this with a clear heart
And head. I just wanted a fresh start

Miles away from where we met and
Fell in love. I never could understand

How one person who always had my
Heart could be the one to have me cry

Because as I tried to believe in us you
Were shutting down and carried too

Much weight on your shoulders. Even
When I was walking away on uneven

Ground as my balance was slipping
Fast, my eyes were still dripping

With tears of the final goodbye. I just
Knew I tried to move on as the lust

And love were still trying to tug or pull
At my heartstrings one time. I was full

Of doubts and questions. All of this
To say that although I will truly miss

The person and memories that came
With us things we were not the same

As we once were. We are now grown
And changed as the world has shown

Us a different life. Different jobs, hair,
Journeys and destinations. The air

Has changed too because gone are
The days when I could not move far

Along the path I wanted to follow.
So forgive me if I ever sound hollow,

Shallow or selfish because I truly
Did it for myself. I walked from a duty

And promise to you. Although I still
Wait for that one message I fulfill

That promise I made to myself long
Ago of loving myself and staying strong.

To a Poet I Once Knew

September 20, 2018

Oakland, California

Dear D.,

I hope that this letter finds you well. I have been thinking of you lately as the sunsets remind me of our short time together. All I can think about is the first time we kissed as the city lights felt as if they were miles away. For that one moment my heart felt steady and I just knew that it belonged in your hands. Just as the better days were approaching after the hurricane, I found warm shelter within your embrace.

I am forever thankful as I swiped right on Tinder, even though I did not know your story or recognized you in the flesh. Flash forward to 4 months later and our story was ending although I was scared to say goodbye, but I had to say goodbye because although the good memories were there the days leading up to this final climax were coming fast. I could do nothing, but cry that night when you said it was over because who was the guy I was falling for? Because I did not see or recognize the man you became. It is like the time you told me that you did not want to make me cry but looking back now it is a lie. All the memories associated with you are tainted.

This letter to you is to not wish you any ill or bad feelings, but to remember the good and bad times we had together. No matter how many times I have been going around in circles with questions like… Why you? Why her? Why did this have to happen? But neither one of us have the complete answers. Sometimes people like you are just meant to be in our lives for a short time like a stranger who has become a friend and lover. Then they go back to becoming a stranger again.

I have been trying to find it in my heart to forgive you because although you let me carry the weight of the world you also gave me every reason to be alive again. You gave me every reason to grow and carry myself like the woman we both know I could be. And for that I am thankful, but maybe it is best for us to move on like I know you already have. I wish you nothing, but happiness and hope that the sunshine still finds you wherever you are. I hope that you continue to follow the path you have created for yourself and just know that even though we are miles apart I know you will conquer the world one day.


Take Care,
Elena