Tag: messy ties

Appreciation For All We Do Have

I have not posted for a while, cannot believe it has been about a month since the last time I posted. Things have been that busy I guess. I wanted to post something about Thanksgiving and I know I am about a week late, but I guess it is better to be late than never. We have a tendency to complain about all the things we do not have instead of all the things we do have. It is just a part of our human nature to worry more about the things we do not have and we forget to appreciate the good things in life.

There are several good quotes about appreciation, thankfulness and gratefulness, but this is one of the best ones I could find by Wale Ayeni who says, “Be thankful for what you have. Your life, no matter how bad you think it is, is someone else’s fairytale.” So in other words, even when your life is bad someone else’s life could be worse or better. I know things have not been going well for some people, but there is so much to be thankful for. I could give a list of what and who I am thankful for. Maybe this list would inspire others to do the same. In fact people should write at least 5 things they are grateful/thankful for. I will start (and it really has not changed much over the years although I keep adding to it). Here it is and I wrote two poems about what I am thankful/grateful for.My list is as follows and might be long so bear with me (and it is not in any particular order:

  1. My parents
  2. My friends – including my two BFFs
  3. My second family on the West and East Coast
  4. Poetry
  5. Music
  6. My sister
  7. My brother
  8. Family friends
  9. Family
  10. Sunrises
  11. Sunsets
  12. Laughter
  13. Love
  14. Heartbreak
  15. Being broke
  16. Failures
  17. Happiness
  18. Roses (and other flowers)
  19. Rain
  20. Sunshine
  21. Chocolate
  22. Food
  23. Shelter
  24. Therapy (favorite store)
  25. My therapist
  26. Clothes
  27. Baking
  28. Exes
  29. Color
  30. And many more things

Here are my two poems I wrote. I forgot to mention this before and I know I need to do more of this, but I hope you show your appreciation to those who have been there for you because there might be a day when they will not be here. Enjoy and be thankful for what you have every single day. You will not regret it one bit.

Thankful For…

The muse that makes every morning more bearable.
All the hugs and kisses that are keeping me stable.
The whispers behind my back that are making me
Grateful for every kind word. When someone sees
Me for the mess that I am, but is continuing to love
Me anyways. To know that the bright world is full of
Harshness and darkness, but there is knowledge that
There is a smile behind the clouds. The quiet and flat
Laughter turning into sunny merriment coming down
The long hallways. When it felt like you could drown
In sorrow and sadness, but the smell of roses turns
That frown into bright eyes. All the scars and burns
Beginning to repair or heal themselves. The tears
That are drying all on their own and all of the fears
That make me strong. The women who came before
And paved the path for me to follow. Hearing my roar.
Being Thankful For Everything
Life has me thankful for it all…
The easy ups and sharp downs.
The pain and every single tear.
My solid and protective wall.
Smiles emerging from frowns.
The hope blooming after fear
Dies away. The times I laughed.
The mistakes I have made. The
People who are there for me.
Moments not photographed.
My safe place. When there is a
Feeling of peace. The rough sea
That becomes calm. The stars
That are still shining. My heart.
Every day that I am still alive
And breathing. Words that are
Mine. Chance for a new start
And the ability to deep dive.

Beginning of Autumn/Fall

Hi everyone. We are halfway through October and I know it has been a while since I posted. Fall is definitely upon us and there are so many things to like about fall like the leaves changing or the change in weather. Whatever it is, I can think of very few reasons to not like fall or maybe I am just biased because it is definitely one of my favorite seasons. The one thing I do not like is the days getting shorter. It is a way to say goodbye to summer and hello to fall/autumn. Here is a quote about fall that I have come to really like. “Autumn paints in colors summer has never seen.” I think that is why autumn is one of my favorite seasons. We get these vivid colors like orange and red, which is different than summer. So I wish my readers a happy fall/autumn. Stay warm and toasty, my friends!! Happy reading.

The Man in the Arena

I am going to do things a little different because this post is going to be a little bit different. This post is inspired by a competition I took part in on DUP and I won this particular competition just recently. The host of this competition took an excerpt from Theodore Roosevelt’s “Citizenship In A Republic” speech which was delivered at the Sorbonne in Paris, France on April 23, 1910. It goes like this… “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” So I took some inspiration from that and wrote a poem based on my interpretation of that speech. Here you go. Cheers!!

Still In the Arena

The glory that is smeared all over my blade like blood.
The crowd may laugh and point at me because I got dirt
On my face, but they duck for cover as they hear the thud

Of feet heading their way. They are all cowards as I hurt,
Stumble, and feel the pain, but I still stay upright. My
Enemy is not the one with sweat all over his torn shirt.

I am the one who is still staying in the arena, eye to eye
With my fears and doubts all on display, but I am not
Scared of failure. I am not terrified of those tears I cry

As they splatter because I made it through every knot.
I survived as everyone around me whispered and crude
Remarks kept coming my way. Every battle that I fought

Was not for the applause or for the ones who screwed
Me over, but for the one who has shown up day after day
And was ready for every fight, me. My hope was renewed

And my faith was stronger than ever before. Every ray
Of sunshine could never shine too bright and the rain
Could never keep me inside. The rocks that try to weigh

Me down feel weightless as feathers and the windowpane
Has no beauty compared to what is happening in the arena.
I am the last one standing and I have gone against the grain.

For The Next Generation

I am not sure if I have talked about this yet, but if I did, my apologies. I am talking about the next generation here. I know that I have said I have concerns for the next generations because of what I see and read about. Sometimes I cannot help, but think about when I have kids, what I would say or give them advice about because there are so many things I could say. There are so many things I wish I could do to make this world a better place for them when they enter this world. All of the violence we see every day and the way we are leaving this world unclean. I wish that I could get rid of that so they would never see that, but those are lessons they need to learn and how to be kind to one another, etc. Like I said there is so much I want to give them advice about, so there is a poem that I wrote that will express what I want for my future child/children. I will get to that at the end of this post.

I am going to dive right in because I want to keep this on the shorter side. One thing I would want them to know is best said by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. She says “We need to teach the next generation of children their responsibilities from day one that they are responsible for their lives. Mankind’s greatest gift, also its greatest curse, is that we have a free choice. We can make our choices built from love or from fear.” So in other words, we each have responsibilities. It is harder to build something from hate rather than love. I wrote more for my future daughter because although both girls and boys go through a lot, I feel like it is a tougher world for young women to live in. This poem is for you.

To My Future Children

To My Future Daughter:

I hope that you find someone who not only
Worships your body, but also your soul and
Everything about you. You are not made to
Only give him pleasure. When you are lonely,
You feel like someone will misunderstand
You. Do not be tempted to make the sky blue
Or make a home out of someone else’s body
Until you understand the universe inside of
You because although it tends to tilt, swirl,
And change it is still your essence. Embody
Your faults and fissures. You possess a love
Filled with stars. You are no longer the girl
I once held in my arms, but you have become
A woman with a mind and opinions. Speak
Your truth and never let anyone or anything
Hold you back. Darling, you have come from
A mother who gave you the world, so seek
And keep exploring it too. Never stop. Sing
Your song at the top of your lungs. Smile.
Laugh. Cry. Learn. I hope that you grow as
Tall like beautiful sunflowers. Be witty.
I hope you will walk and run every mile
That tries to keep you from your topaz-
Sparkling world like the Emerald City.

To My Future Son:

I hope that you are always giving the respect
Women deserve. I hope you become a man
Who loves their smart minds and not just their
Bodies. I hope what you give should not collect
Like raindrops and be fully forgotten, but can
Be used to water those sunflowers. Be the air
That they can trust. Do not be selfish in giving
Everyone the love they deserve and love hard,
But do not become a hallow shell. A woman will
Love you for being yourself. Always be forgiving
Of her past mistakes because she will be scarred
And flawed, not always perfect. Chase your thrill,
But never forget any of her dreams or aspirations.

To My Future Daughter or Son:

Never let anyone take away your foundations.

Euphoria

You know the saying “you have to do what makes you happy?” We all should know that by now. It does not matter what you do or who you are with as long as that person or thing makes you happy. That feeling is called euphoria. When you look up euphoria one of the definitions is as follows (from dictionary.com). “a state of intense happiness and self-confidence.” There is a quote that explains it the best way, in terms of finding that person who makes you feel that. “When you find someone who can make you laugh. Smile. Grow. Lust. Want. Crave. Make you mad but happy. Keep that. That’s euphoria.” But I have also learned that you do not always have to find it within someone else because you can always find it within yourself. It is above happiness. I can go on and on about euphoria, but I will stop there. I hope that my readers go out into the world and find their euphoria. Happy reading! And I will leave you with one more quote by Bill Watterson who says “That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!”

In the Present Moment

Laugh, smile and dance like there is no tomorrow.
It is in that moment, even in the fast pouring rain
That you truly forget about life and every sorrow.

Those tears that you thought would forever stain
Your soul have freed you from the burdens resting
On your shoulders. You are disentangled from pain

Lingering deep within your bones. You are testing
Your strength by walking away from situations that
Are not good and from people who are not investing

In your growth or adding to your happiness. Chitchat,
Noise and the horizon is what you strive to be above.
You deserve more than an empty promise and a flat

Line because you have much to offer with your love.
You always bring peace to this world like a flying dove.

Being Broken

I just want to give a heads up because this is a tricky and difficult subject matter to navigate for a lot of people, including myself. It is tricky because a lot of people do not want to talk about those times when they have been broken. I know I have talked about rough patches and when people struggle. This is one of those things some people struggle with. Being broken may make you think of a rag doll, but it is truly no fun. I have been broken a time or two, but sometimes you do not notice if you are broken until you hit rock bottom and do your best to pull yourself out. There is a quote I found to explain what I mean. “It doesn’t happen all at once, you know? You lose a piece here. You lose a piece there. You slip, stumble, and adjust your grip. A few more pieces fall. It happens so slowly, you don’t even realize you’re broken… until you already are.” So yeah, being broken is equivalent to something like a wall crumbling. You do not always notice it.

The thing about being broken is that you have every right to pull yourself out and try to not be in that same place again. I know because I have been there, but not anymore. The healing part takes the longest because being broken is being depleted of everything. Energy, yourself, etc. Some people do not always realize that they take you down with them. I am proud to say that I am no longer broken. Yeah, sometimes there is a piece or two missing, but it takes great strength and courage to come back from a place of being broken. It makes you appreciate everything so much more like this quote says. “The broken will always be able to love harder than most. Once you’ve been in the dark, you learn to appreciate everything that shines.” Being broken is a lot like being in the dark like that quote says. I couldn’t agree more.

The lesson to this is to never be afraid of being broken. I just hope everyone finds their way out of being broken and in the dark. There is always something on the other side of all of the pain and misery. Furthermore, if you are broken, please do your best to recognize that feeling and try to not bring anybody down with you. Like I said some people do not realize that they do it so if you or anyone you know is feeling this way, just know it is okay to ask for help. Trust me, we can all come out of it. It is difficult and challenging, I know. Just hang in there. I want to leave you all with this last quote for this post. “Until you’re broken, you don’t know what you’re made of. It gives you the ability to build yourself all over again, but stronger than ever.” Here is also a poem to lift your spirits. Much love to you all and always go towards the light.

No Longer Broken

You sneak your way under my exposed skin,
Latching onto sensitive organs. Goosebumps
Dance across my flesh, but every scraped shin
Reminds me of a time when I avoided the jumps
Only to come crashing into you. You tried fixing
And patching me up. Every smile and every laugh
Became raised words with silent actions, mixing
In excuses to throw me off my game. I was not half
Of the woman you made me out to be, but could
Simply be that girl who did not know any better.
You own the bad parts of me, but never the good
Parts too. You could have easily been my sweater,
But you left me standing out in the cold, in need
And begging for more like a drug addict, looking
Over my shoulder. I know you will never succeed
In making me feel that way ever again, hooking
And sinking me with dishonesty while escaping
The truth like the plague. I could not let you
Continue to be molding, forming and shaping
Me into that broken girl again because I have to
Believe in being something other than a rag doll.
I am not the one to kneel down to you and crawl.

Spirit Animal

I want to talk about something we have all thought about at some point. I believe that we all have some kind of spirit animal. I have never really thought about it myself until there was a competition on DUP that had that theme. I really had to sit and think of what my spirit animal is. I took one test which did not help at all, but then I took another one and I got elephant as my answer. When I saw the description I thought it described me perfectly and made me realize how much I love elephants. One of my closest friends got me a necklace with a super tiny elephant on it. I believe she got it for me for my graduation or maybe my birthday and in her card she read somewhere how elephants brought luck. So I started wearing it every time I needed some luck like when I had a job interview or when I started my internship. That necklace is very special for me. Now I am going back to why I think the elephant is my spirit animal. I took this test and this is what it said about my results. “You are the kind of person who needs their social life and family to be happy, but you are also wise and philosophical. You’ve got a memory that recalls everything, even the details that others may have allowed themselves to forget. In mind and body you are full of energy and spirit, but a calmness as well. And, if all that wasn’t great enough, you’ve got a good head resting on your shoulders, filled with sharp intelligence and gentle compassion.” I feel like that is a great description of who I am. So go ahead and find your spiritual animal because I think it might help you discover who you are. Sorry, there are no quotes with this post, but there is still a poem. Happy reading!!

Elephant Within

With one step they the have the power to destroy cities and rewrite
All of this history, but the elephants always help you remember
The memories to your name. Their eyes hold the burning light
And smoldering energy. Their wrinkled skin, the color of ember
Has weathered all of the brewing storms and dry deserts. The laugh
Lines that are just like folds and within all of the extra layers of life.
Someone who always sees what happens both before and after
The calmness. The one who keeps their heads level and their knife
Wielding skills in check. The one who floats above water and still
Has a smile. At the end of the day they still keep climbing up that hill.

Summer

Hi there. Sorry that I have not posted anything in a while. June has turned out to be a busy month and July is already upon us. June 21st was the first day of summer. It is also the longest day of the year and it is also my grandpa’s birthday. He would have turned 105 this year. So happy belated birthday grandpa AJ, wherever you are!! Anyways, that day is easy to remember because of all of the things that happen on that day. We had some nice weather for the start of summer. I think summer is one of my favorite seasons right after spring and maybe fall. As a kid I always enjoyed the summer because that meant no school. I still appreciated the summers as I got older, but I kind of miss getting summer vacation when I became an adult and did not have to go to school. I feel like good things happen in the summer. Charles Bowden says “Summertime is always the best of what might be.” So you never know what might happen in the summer.

There are so many other things that I like about the summer besides having no school. The weather becomes nice, but sometimes you never know in California. The flowers are out and the days get longer. You might have a little summer romance. You make amazing memories and go to the beach. Go to concerts. The list can go on and on. You get lots of sunshine and can be lazy all you want to. I think that about sums up this post, but here is a quote to leave you with by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. “Then followed that beautiful season … Summer … Filled was the air with a dreamy and magical light; and the landscape lay as if new created in all the freshness of childhood.” In other words there is just something magical and amazing about summer. And I love Longfellow as a writer. Here is a poem to kick off summer. I hope that every one of my readers enjoy their summers. Make memories and have fun!! Happy reading everyone!

Summer

Those eyes that are taking on the summer heat,
But it is life around us that brings that extra treat.
Flowers that find their way to be blooming despite
Everything that keeps trying to stop them, but light
Does not stop glowing or shining bright. The blaze
That causes endless fires, but through all the haze
We are still smiling and laughing like we are kids
Again. With our open spirit and our closed eyelids
We are souls that are feeling whole again. We are
A part of this universe that has clear skies and stars
That we can see without trying too hard. Summer
Is already upon us and we are every single color.

Being Worthy and Being Around Positive Energy

Sometimes we have to really stop and think…We have to ask ourselves if we are worthy enough. We should not really have to think or ask that question to begin with, but unfortunately we live in a world and society where we always have to wonder that. Are we worthy of love? Are we worthy of respect? Are we worthy of all these other things? If we really have to ask all of those questions and have those thoughts constantly swirling around in our head then we are definitely surrounded by the wrong people or we might be doing the wrong things like having the wrong job, relationship, etc. There will always be some people in this world who do not think you are worthy because they think you do not deserve it or just do not know you at all. Do not let one of those people be yourself. We have to let go of that feeling of being unworthy. Louise Hay says it the best way in this quote. “I am willing to release the need to be unworthy. I am worthy of the very best in life, and I now lovingly allow myself to accept it.” In other words, we have to accept our self worth. We need to let go of that unworthy feeling, especially because it does not allow us to share who we are.

That is why we have to surround ourselves with positive energy. Sometimes that has to come from within. I put these two topics together for a reason. Being worthy enough goes hand in hand with positive energy. I feel like if you have positive energy you will feel worthy enough and vice versa. There is this quote I found about energy, that relates to what I am talking about. “Be the energy you want to attract.” I hope that you all get what I am talking about here. I want every single person to know that they are worthy enough, no matter what they have been through and even if they do not think they deserve it. That would be like saying that you do not deserve respect and other things. Here is another quote, saying how much we are worth everything, especially love and other things in life. “You are worth finding, worth knowing, worth loving. You and all your one million layers. Always hold that close.” In other words, we are worth everything and we should hold onto that. This following poem goes out to every single one who feels they are unworthy. I hope that you allow at least some positivity into your life. A lot of the time you need it. You are all a treasure. Enjoy!!

Infinity of Positivity

Today there are clouds just behind the sun
And tomorrow there is going to be a light
At the end of the tunnel. Just run and run
Away from the negative doubts. The flight
That you used to be afraid to take is taking
You to the heavens and beyond. The amen
Is what you ache for and you are mistaking
The pain you think will last forever when
The big truth is that it is all only temporary.

The sadness and disappointment you carry
Around like weights slowly disappearing like
The stormy sky. The smiles and laughter you
Used to keep hidden comes back like a strike
Of good fortune. Everything will come back to
The surface of the sparkling water you tried

To tamper down just like the tears you cried
Were trying to be wiped away so no one would
See you in all your weakest moments. I could
Never understand why anyone would pretend
Like there was no single strand of positivity
Left. Darling, you are the perfect mix and blend
Of everything good in this world. You are infinity.

Dreams

Dreams… they come to us when we go to sleep. It is like that state of mind that we go to when everything is good, but we can also have bad dreams or what is called a nightmare. Dreams do not always come to us when we go to sleep. People close to us always tell us to go chase our dreams because growing up we always dreamed of something whether it was to be a teacher or an actor or to have a nice house or a fancy car. Whatever it was we we were told to “dream big.” Sometimes as we get older we lose sight of those dreams because they are too far to reach or we are told they are impossible to obtain. Never lose sight of those dreams just because they may take longer to achieve. “To the ones who still believe in dreams: Chase them. Chase them until you’re out of breath. Then, keep running.” So in other words keep running, even after you are done chasing your dreams.

We are never too old to stop dreaming because if we do not dream then we are not living. Maybe our dreams were given to us for a reason and the best thing to do is to surround ourselves with people who believe in those dreams too. Those are the best kind of people. Those are the people who will push you and want you to achieve your highest goals/dreams. They will bring out the best in you, that is for sure. Anyways… I found a quote by one of my heroes, Eleanor Roosevelt. She says “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” There is such beauty and amazement in believing in your dreams. It really does take courage, strength, belief and a lot of hard work. Yes, it is difficult but as I always say, it will be worth it in the end. Dreams are there for a reason. I just want to encourage my readers to never stop dreaming. Enjoy this poem!!

Endless Dreams

Fight and never stop chasing your dreams.
Nobody has to tell you to stop chasing them
If you want them badly. Your body screams

At you to stop, but if your lungs are not numb
Enough then you have not done enough to go
What you are after. Nothing should ever stem

From your fear and this time should not grow
Or be in your way of dreams with no set limit.
They should be giving you purpose. You know

Measures of time like every hour and minute
In a day should not block us from our drive
We are meant to pursue. That one way ticket

That can lead us anywhere. You have to dive
In headfirst. Be bold and be fearless, but do
Not wait for time to tell you how to be alive

Because there is a contrast between what you
Want to do versus what pays the bills or to fit
Into society’s one box. It is like having blue

Skies versus letting all of the darkness flit
Or letting it always hang over your head.
In five years from now will you regret it?

All of the dreams that got you out of bed,
In the morning, but decided not to follow
All because you whispered, pouted and said

No to them. The one word that will hollow
You, leaving you empty and dead because
Yes would have been easier to swallow.