Tag: messy ties

Community

I just want to apologize to everyone for the long hiatus. Things have been just crazy with life in general. I am sure that you heard my story of how I got started in poetry. I started writing in middle school and have been in love with it ever since. I use it mostly as an outlet… a way for me to try to get my feelings and thoughts out on paper so I had it somewhere instead of just in my head.

Another reason why I enjoy writing poetry so much is that it gives me a way to connect with others. I really just happened to stumble across Deep Underground Poetry and thanks to a friend of mine who also joined. I am thankful to that friend because Deep Underground Poetry has become a community. It has given me a chance to connect with other writers and it is an environment I feel safe in to be myself and share my work. Here is a quote by Mary Karr who describes it the best. “Poetry is for me Eucharistic. You take someone else’s suffering into your body, their passion comes into your body, and in doing that you commune, you take communion, you make a community with others.” That is what poetry really means to me, especially in the poetry community.

This post is dedicated to the Deep Underground Poetry community and to Bluevelvete who’s work I have been following. The following poem is a competition I participated in and received runner up. Thank you for being an inspiration and giving me the push and drive I need to keep writing. I thank each and everyone from the bottom of my heart. This community has been welcoming and has welcomed me with open arms.

Soft like Velvet

Just like flower petals you open up.
When life is feeling empty and
Extremely heavy you are the cup
That always remains full. You hand

Me parts of your soul and spirit
When mine is giving up. Your words
Bring hope. They are my one ticket
To the light in the darkness. Like birds

You fly me to a safer place. So my
Darling, I hope you never stop letting
The words float across the page die
Away. You are the soft and safe netting,

Protecting everyone. You are the ying
To my yang and the sweet to my sour.
You are like my miracle in the spring.
So I am thankful for you in every hour.

War

I apologize for not posting in a long time. I know that there is a lot going on with the world right now, but the main thing I’m thinking about is the war going on with the Ukraine and Russia. I feel like war is never the answer because it only brings pain, suffering and does not resolve anything. That leads me to my first quote of this post by Janet Morris who says “Wars don’t bring lasting peace, only lasting death.” And I feel like that quote is so true. On the other side of the spectrum is peace. That is something we need more of every day. I could go on and on about war and peace, but I think I will just leave it here.

“War Survivor” visual poem.

Real and True Love

I know that this post is a week late with Valentine’s Day just a couple of weeks ago, but I guess it is never too late when we talk about this subject. I just recently had a conversation with my closest friend who went through a bad breakup. I won’t go into all the details of what happened because that is her business. With that conversation and with everything that I have gone through in the past with past relationships I will talk about this subject of real and true love. I feel like this is a subject we can all relate to in one way or another. I think it is what a lot of us aim and strive for when we are looking for that right relationship. And for the most part it will find you rather than the other way around. That leads me to my first quote of this post. “When love is real it finds a way.” This echoes almost exactly what I said just before. It is what my best friend said to me once upon a time. True love will find you, especially when you least expect it. It could happen at work or it could really happen anywhere and with anyone.

We tend to think of love stories of having an ending, but I think the truth is that true love never has an ending. That leads me to my next quote. Richard Bach says “True love stories never have endings.” It is like what I said before… true love does not have an ending. I think that is why it is sometime called never ending love. It is love that never ends. A love that lasts until the day you both die. A love that you makes you feel cool and calm. I probably shared this quote already, but if I haven’t here it is. Monica Drake says “The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.” Usually people tell you that your soulmate gives you butterflies and makes your knees go week. This quote is saying the opposite. Your soulmate should make you feel calm with no anxiety. They can still give you butterflies (the good kind).

I am fortunate enough to have a great example of what true and real love is. I look at the example of my parents. They have love that is undeniable. Yes, they fight and argue, but at the end of the day they still love each other. Love is imperfect. Once you find that real and true love you fight hard to keep it. You just have to make sure that love is mutual. That means if you love them they should love you back in return. In other words, it should not be a one sided type of love. That brings me into my next quote. “Love isn’t perfect. It isn’t a fairytale or a storybook and it doesn’t always come easy. Love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on and never letting go. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, and impossible to live without. Love is work, but
most of all, love is realizing that every hour, every minute, every second of it was worth it because you did it together.” In other words, love has its imperfections, but sometime it is worth all the hard work, especially when you work together, not against each other.

I could go and on about this, but I will say this… it is a little piece of advice a friend once gave me, especially after leaving a relationship. Take the time to sit down with a piece of paper and make what could be kind of a checklist of everything you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/future spouse. I keep adding to the list and I know that it is still floating around somewhere. If I ever do find it I will definitely share it with you all. She said to include it in your vows whenever you do get married.

I will share two final final quote with you all. Ali Larter says “You know it’s right when you feel this undeniable connection and chemistry.” In other words, you just know when it is the right type of love. Love goes way beyond chemistry. You can just feel it in your head and heart. The second one by Pierre Alex Jeanty says “True love will come. It will not bring pain, but healing. It will not
bring confusion, but clarity. It will not awaken your insecurities, but put them to sleep. Real love will come and wipe away all the wrong experiences. Hold on.” In other words, hold on until you find that real love. That quote ties into one of the other quotes of this post about finding someone who makes you calm. Your soulmate is like a teammate or parter. They support you and have you putting away your insecurities/doubts.

I just encourage everyone to never give up on true or real love. This post is dedicated to my best friend since elementary school. I love you. This post and poem is dedicated to you. I hope someday you find someone who can give you that real feeling of love because you deserve it!

The Purest Love

All I wanted for you to do was to take me
Home, but every time I look into your eyes
I am already there. With your clothes
Thrown around my room and in this bed
With my head against your chest I think
To myself… this is all I ever really wanted.

With you in my head and my lungs I see
A bright future. All of the other guys
Could have me, but with all the oaths
I made to you the oaths stand true. I sink
To my knees because you are in my head
And heart. Others have never haunted

My dreams quite like you do. Somehow I
Thought every man before you was going
To save me, but I had to save myself and
Be okay with being by myself before
I could ever let anyone else in. I let you
In even with a protected and guarded

Heart. I saw my reflection in your eyes
And saw myself as you saw me… glowing
And filled with happiness. With your hands
All over me I was home. With the door
Of the past closed I could breathe. Too
Many times I thought I would be discarded

On the side of the road like I was totally
Forgotten about, but you picked me up
When the darkness became too much.
I just wanted for the good parts of our
Story to be what people remember when
They think about love. I was never afraid

Of losing to love, but losing the brokenly
Parts to my enemies who wanted my cup
To remain empty. It was your firm touch
That saved me. With every waking hour
I just want to to spend them all within
Your loving embrace. I never prayed

For anything more than what my parents
Have…. A strong and gentle love. An
Equal partnership. Love that lasts until
We are old and gray. Something that holds
My hand and heart with such carefulness.
Someone who will say I do at the end of

The aisle with sureness and assurance.
Promises with vows and rings with plans
For the future, giving my heart stillness
And not shakiness. When the truth unfolds
You will dive in with me with fearlessness
And with no room to be afraid. This is love.

Coffee Break & Tea Time

I know that a lot of people drink coffee or tea. I am one of those tea people. I remember my mom always told me to drink tea when I needed to calm down or when I was feeling nerves or when my stomach was upset. Whatever it was drinking tea was the solution. This brings me to my first quote of this blog post by Bernard-Paul Heroux. He says “There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a nice cup of tea.” That quote is so very true because no matter the situation I feel as if a cup of tea solves a lot of problems, no matter how big or little. It makes us re-evaluate any situation and get a bird’s eye view of what is going on.

Just taking a moment to step back and reflect helps a lot too. That brings me into my next quote of this post. Letitia Baldrige says “Tea time is a chance to slow down, pull back and appreciate our surroundings.” That is why I feel like we should make time almost every day for tea or coffee. That is why it is called tea time or coffee break. I feel like tea time is a British term. It really gives us a break during our busy days and a time to take a much needed breath or two. It gives us a clear had. There is so much more I could say about this subject, but I will stop here. I hope that all of my readers take the time to take a much needed tea time or coffee break when they need it. I hope that you enjoy the following the following poem.

Starting the Day with Tea

They always say it starts with a fresh, hot cup of tea
Because that is all I could think about with you and me
On the forefront of my mind. Just like the tea kettle
That is whistling and the tea leaves that begin to settle
On the bottom of my mug, you stir those forbidden
Thoughts rattling through my heart. Those hidden
Memories are brought back to the murky surface
With every sip and swallow. I just want to trace
Your face one last time with my fingers like I follow
The mug’s rim, watching and feeling the hollow
Sound of your heartbeat. But then the tea becomes
Stale and cold in my delicate hands. Then comes
The reality that we could never go back to how things
Were before because the truth is that everything stings.

Life-Changing Moments

Here is my first post of the new year. Happy 2022! What is a better time than talking about life-changing moments. I feel like the last few years have given me a lot of life-changing moments, everything from moving to getting a new job, developing new relationships (romantically and friendship wise). I know it is a topic that I have talked about many times in this blog and it is something I will talk about in this very post to start off the new year. Sometimes things change for the better and sometimes they change for the worse. I am talking about every life-changing moment, whether they are good or bad. That leads me to my very first quote of this post. Delta Goodrem says “Anyone who has gone through a life-changing experience will tell you there is a different understanding of what is real and what is important, and when you are going through different moments, you can reflect and go, ‘I have been through worse.'” In other words, every life-changing moment or experience can shape us in every which way. Every one of those moments really make you realize how lucky you are to go through them because I feel like they can help shape who you are. In that moment it can feel like you are going through something really bad but in reality you could have gone through something way worse.

I feel like for the most part life-changing moments are great or good because they can take you from a not so good place and propel you in the right direction. For example I was not in such a good place emotionally or physically and there was a person who was a part of a life-changing moment. That helped me get to a better place. That is what the following visual poem is all about. It is about someone who saved me from a bad place. A life-changing moment can involve a person who sometimes does not realize how much they are helping you. That brings me to my next quote that says the following. “One smile can start a friendship. One word can end a fight. One look can save a relationship. One person can change your life.” Like I said before, it could be someone who is a friend, a romantic partner or even a stranger and sometimes they do not realize how much they can change your life.

I know that I have gone on and on about this topic. I know that this is a topic that will come up again in my blog at some point in the future. I will conclude by saying that with life-changing moments come some discomfort. That is sometimes the price we pay because not every life-changing moment is comfortable or easy. This brings me to my next quote by Arnold Bennett who says “Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by discomforts.” Change is never always easy. We may try to fight it but change is necessary in life. How are we going to grow or evolve otherwise? We may just stay stuck otherwise. That brings me right into my next quote. This is a quote that I have on my lock screen as inspiration and I am sure this is a quote that I have shared before. It is a quote by one of my personal heroes, Mandy Hale. It says “Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.” It is a quote that keeps me going because nothing is as painful as staying in place where you do not belong.

I promise that this is the conclusion of this long post. I will leave you all with one final quote to kick off the new year on this blog. “There is no use to looking back at yesterday. I am no longer the person I was back then. Every morning when the sun rises, I am a changed person. Changed by the experiences I’ve had, the lessons I have learned, and the love I have received. It’s time to move forward and embrace the life that I’ve been given, be grateful for the many blessings that have been bestowed upon me, and start living a life of passion. There will always be ups and downs, good times and bad, losses and gains. Life is about learning lessons, showing love in the process, and growing into the beautiful souls we are meant to become. Don’t let yesterday rob you of your happiness today. Every time the sun rises, it’s a new opportunity to make your life the best of your life. Enjoy every moment.” This is my way of saying happy new year and I hope that you all enjoy the following poem. Cheers!!!!

“When Love Saved Me” visual poem.

Mental Health

Just recently it was national mental health awareness day. I know that when people think of health they think of physical health, but rarely do people think of mental health. In fact, I feel like mental health is a subject matter a lot of people do not talk about or try to avoid as it feels “forbidden” or “bad” to talk about it. I know a lot of people struggle to talk about problems they have with their mental health because of this “stigma” surrounding it. Firstly, we need to get rid of this stigma around mental health. Secondly, I feel like it is something we should take care of above physical health. Yes, physical health is important, but so is mental health. If we are not mentally well then how do we take care of ourselves physically? That brings me to my first quote of this post by Mel Robbins who says “Your mental health is everything – prioritize it. Make the time like your life that depends on it, because it does.” In other words, it is exactly what I was saying before… mental health is super important and our life literally depends on it!

Like I said before we all at some point struggle with our mental health. Even athletes like Simone Biles and Naomi Osaka have been open about their personal struggles. I normally do not like talking about my personal struggles either, but I have been open and honest with people about it. It is a tricky and difficult topic to navigate because where do we start when we talk about mental health? The truth is that we do not always know when someone else is struggling unless they tell us themselves. It is not like we are trying to be selfish, but for the most part we have to do things for ourselves first and foremost. I think this next quote explains it the best. L. R. Knost says “Taking care of myself doesn’t mean ‘me first’, it means ‘me too.'” It is like we are worried about others and taking care of them (I know that I worry about that myself), but at the end of the day we have to take care of ourselves too. I can make this post super long, but I will stop here. I hope that you all remember to take care of yourselves, including your mental health and enjoy the following visual poem that I wrote about this subject. Take care!!

“Survival” visual poem.

Traveling/Going to Paradise

Of course one of the first things that pops into my head when I think of this subject is Demi Lovato’s song “Cool for the Summer” when she sings “Take me down into your paradise…” I think traveling and going to paradise are similar because when we travel it is like we are going to paradise. I have probably talked about traveling before, but in this post I will probably talk about it again. It is especially something to talk about since summer is winding down and I know we all take vacations/travel during this time of the year before we start school or whatever it is we do in the real world. It is the way we live and that brings me to the first quote of this post which I believe is self explanatory. “To travel is to live.” In other words we travel in order to live life. That is why traveling is important.

We usually take the time to rest our minds and bodies. That brings me to this next quote. “We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.” In other words, we think of travel as a way to escape life, but it is the other way around. It is so life does not escape us because if we do not travel life will pass us by in a blur and we would miss out on so much. It is why we have to take care of ourselves. I will conclude by sharing the following visual poem and one last quote. “Paradise is not a place, it’s a state of mind.” People think of paradise as a place but that is not always the case. I can go on and on about this but this is a good spot to end. I hope you all enjoy the following poem. Cheers and let it take you to paradise!

Visual poem titled “Going to Paradise.” Image copyright by Elena Waller.

Strangers

First off, I want to apologize for not writing here for a long time. Has it really been over a month? Time has gone by so quickly. Now that part is out of the way… lets dive in. When people come into your life they start off as strangers. That leads me in to my very first quote of this post. “We all start as strangers.” Some people eventually become more than that. Some of them are simply just strangers. This post is about those people. There are also people who start off as strangers then become something more and then go back to being strangers again. This post is about those people too.

I do not want to keep this post too long, but I sometimes feel like strangers know you better than those closest to you. Of course this is not always the case, but that is what my poem in this post is all about. That is what this next quote explains too. Yeah Raeder says “There are moments, when you’re getting to know someone, when you realize something deep and buried in you is deep and buried in them too. It feels like meeting a stranger you’ve known your whole life.” That is why when we meet a stranger it feels like we already know them.

Before we get into the poem let me conclude with one final quote. June Jordan says “I am a stranger, learning to love the strangers around me.” So in other words we are all strangers and we need to learn to love those around us. That is the best thing we can do… show love to everyone, even to strangers because everyone could use at least a little love and compassion. Anyways… I hope you enjoy the following poem.

More Than Strangers

Maybe this is all just a nightmare,
On repeat, but I cannot help it
With the way he always stares
At me like he knows we fit
So perfectly together. Maybe
We knew each other from some
Other life, but in this one he
Is some stranger with his thumb
On the control button. We both
Admit to having chemistry no one
Could understand. I made an oath
And an absolute promise to never run
Away from all the feelings I would
Always keep bottled up. Maybe in
This life he knows what we could
Have had and the road we have been
Driving on has led us to be something
More than just strangers. We are more
Than people who have been numbing
The pain and shutting the wide-open door
 On people who continue to hurt us every
Single time. Maybe he came in to repair
Something that was feeling like treachery
Or betrayal in my heart. With no more air
Left to breathe he was the air and breath
I needed to survive. So, while he might
Be a stranger he kept me away from death’s
Door as this would no longer be my last fight.
In a world with so much hate, anger and
Darkness he became my new homeland.

Feeling Alone/Loneliness

The feeling of being alone or loneliness is one of the worst things we can feel. That leads me to my first quote of this post by Mother Teresa. She says “The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” I think that quote is pretty self explanatory. Sometimes being alone can be a good thing too. It depends situation to situation and person to person. On the flip side loneliness could be a good thing. This next quote is from one of my personal heroes Mandy Hale. She says “A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” As I will say later on in this post, being alone is a good thing because it really teaches you about yourself and you learn how to grow on your own.

We could be one of the happiest people and be surrounded by lots of people, but we could still feel alone. The worst feeling is when you have so much to share, but then you realize that you have no one to share it with. That is what this post and poem is all about. That brings me to the following quote. Teal Swan says “In fact, the most painful kind of loneliness is the loneliness that persists, even in a crowded room.” It is like what I was saying before because we can be in a crowded room but we can still feel loneliness. This is a subject that I can go on and on about.

Just a heads up that this is an old poem so therefore it is an old situation I’ve been through. There are some days in which I do feel alone, but I feel like that is perfectly normal. I think when we are alone is when we get to know ourselves the best and it’s what makes us the strongest too. That leads me to another quote. This one is by Janet Fitch who says “Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space. The best you can do is know yourself; know what you want.” She is basically saying that you should take the time to know yourself and what you want, especially in those moments in which you feel loneliness which is something we all experience at one point or another.

I know that this is a long post, but I am going to follow up with one last final quote which also serves as a reminder for us all.

Emma Xu says “If you are feeling lonely know that you’ll always have:

Books to nurture your soul

Hands to create and explore

Wind to calm your soul

Breathes to soothe your nerves

Nature to soak your worries away

Stars to decorate your dreams

So I hope that everyone can use the above quote to remind themselves that there are plenty of things around us and within ourselves even when we feel alone. I hope that everyone enjoys the following poem and remember that sometimes it is perfectly okay to feel alone. Cheers!!!!

When Loneliness Takes Over

Every day she puts on a brave smile,
But no one notices the loneliness she
Feels steeping into her bones late at
Night when there is no one else to talk
To. Every day it always the same cycle
Over and over again like a dishwasher
Or washing machine that will not stop
Running. No one realizes she misses
Someone who will hold her tight and
Keep the bad nightmares away. She
Laughs but no one is there to laugh
At her silly and corny jokes. No one
Is there to come home to and vent to
About her bad day at work. No one is
There to love and to have for the rest
Of her days. People come and go, but
No one stays long enough to ask if she
Is really okay, past all the smiles and
The tears she keeps trying to hold in.
Her loneliness is at the bottom of the
Glass as she is drinking away the pain
And sorrow she feels in the pit of her
Stomach. No one sees the loneliness
In her eyes that used to shine with so
Much brightness and hope. She never
Wanted to feel pity from others, just
Understanding that it a cold and lonely
World sometimes. She looks into the
Mirror and I look right back at her.

Life Is a Journey and Having Your Own Path

Life takes us in many different directions. Up, down, and side to side. It kind of reminds me of a roller coaster because it never quite goes linear or straight. That is why I feel like life is a journey. And a lot of the time we have to take the journey all on our own. That is what this post is all about. Not about what that journey is like, but about taking it alone and making our own path. We should all know by now that life is a journey and we should not expect everyone to understand it, let alone travel it. That brings me to my very first quote of this post. “Don’t expect anyone to understand your journey, especially if they’ve never walked your path.” So in other words, do not let others dictate your journey or walk your path, especially if they have never been where you have been. It works the other way around too. Do not judge anyone for the journey or path they have taken.

Sometimes people are meant to walk the same path together, whether it is best friends, co-workers, romantic partners, etc. But a lot of the time your paths diverge and then you are not walking down the same path anymore. Guess what? That is perfectly fine because you and that person may realize that you want different things in life. In that case all you can do is to wish them the best and move on by forging your own path. That leads me to my very next quote which says the following. “Everyone has their own path. Walk yours with integrity and wish all others peace on their journey. When your paths merge, rejoice for their presence in your life. When the paths are separated, return to the wholeness of yourself, give thanks for the footprints left on your soul, and embrace the time to journey on your own.” In other words, be appreciative for the people who you met along the way, but do not be afraid to go your own way, with or without them.

I want to conclude this post by saying that we can all choose our paths, both the good and the bad. That does not mean that we have to stop wishing the best for someone else’s journey. We can still choose to be someone’s cheerleader even if it is from a distance. I never intentionally choose to wish someone the worst or wish them any bad luck or see them suffer because that is just not who I am. The following poems can really speak for themselves because I feel like I do not need to give any sort of backstory to them or anything. I know that you all will get its intention. Enjoy!!!!

Photo credit: amidamaru900 (Instagram)

Down Different Roads

We will pass the night sky like shooting
Stars as I wish we could be together in
Our next life. I always find myself rooting
For your happiness because living in sin
And sadness is never what I wanted for
You. I never wanted to see you suffer or
Beg for something you were never meant
To lose. Love. Happiness and life passing
By in slow motion. We should have spent
This time loving each other and grasping
Hands before it was all gone in a whisper
Of smoke. Clouds part and what became
Crystal clear was that you were the kisser
Of my wounds, but never doused a flame
In my heart that was about to explode.
In the end we went down different roads.

Visual poem titled “Life’s Choices.”