Losing Friendship

I know that I have talked a lot about this already, but we have all lost something or someone at some point. There is a big chance we lose something as important as a friendship. Maybe you have a difference of opinions or maybe they were never your friend to begin with or the friendship simply fades over time. For one of the first times in my life I lost an important friendship and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it. I will not go into details too much, but let us just say that is a friendship that could be lost forever. I am sorry for how it happened, but in hindsight I could see it coming from a mile away. I know that losing a friendship can be unexpected, but as time goes on it is bound to happen at some point as this quote says. Xzavier Zulu says, “Slowly as the years go on, you lose friends you never thought you would.” Trust me, it can be hard to lose something like that.

I am not here to bash anyone because I am not like that, but sometimes you can gain a friendship just as quickly as you can lose one. That is what I found within this quote. “You can gain a friend in a year but lose a friend in a minute.” In other words, you can lose a good friend just like that. Sometimes you can gain a good friend in the process too. For example, I lost a good friendship, but I became closer to my mom and other people in the meanwhile. I feel like friendship is a very important thing to talk about because without good friends I do not think that I would be here. I hate to be harsh, but I feel like a friend should support you no matter what and if they cannot support you or at least try to then they should not be your friend to begin with. I feel like that you should be making your own decisions and choices while living your life, but try not to let your friends “control” or dictate how you live your life.

So here is to losing friendship, but do not be too down or sad about it because you just have to pick yourself up and move on. There are many more friendships down the line and for the most part they may be better than other ones you have had. What I am saying in all of this is that if they are “toxic” or “bad” or really question and always pick apart your choices then they really are not your friend. Just be thankful for the strong friendships you already have. Be glad for those that have endured over time, no matter of the wear and tear. Do not lose sleep over the lost and ends to friendships. No pun intended. There is an overall lesson to be learned. Enjoy this poem!! Just a side note here… my intention is not to intentionally hurt anyone, but to shine a light, some truth and some insight, even when it may not always come from a good place. I just want to apologize if anybody takes offense to this post. It was not my intention to do so.

End to a Friendship
I could feel us beginning to drift apart
Like cars going in opposite directions
Down the freeway. I knew in my heart
When we could not overcome corrections
To fix our friendship, which was already
On the brink. Something that used to
Bring us together was becoming unsteady
And separating us. Maye you also knew
That all of this was coming to an end.
You are not on my side anymore and
I have to realize you are not a good friend.
Don’t you want to see me happy? We stand
On other sides of the spectrum now.
I still wish you the best because there are
No hard feelings, but I am sad this is how
We ended up. There is going to be a scar
Where you used to be. Now one of my
Closest friendships has died and faded out.
There is no way to give this all another try
Because that was the last and final strikeout.


I know that this is never a pleasant subject to talk about, but I want to talk about death in this post, especially with all the deaths happening around the world (and especially in the United States). RIP to those who died in these terrorist attacks, the people who died in Orlando, other incidents happening around the world, and people getting killed by cops. Death is extremely hard to talk about because to a lot of people it gets personal and causes a lot of grief. I have not personally experienced  a lot of deaths. There was a family friend that passed away and my grandpa died back when I was a lot younger (my grandparents on my dad’s died before I was born). I would not know what to do if my grandma (on my mom’s side) passed away because she means the world to me and we are extremely close.

What is that one thing that comes with death, besides grief? That would be pain and a lot of the time, sadness. No matter how hard death is, we sometimes have to focus on the positive side as well, even if we have to squint. It is a celebration of that person’s life and all that they have done. We all have our role models who have passed away (mine include Maya Angelou, Robin Williams, Prince, David Bowie, Alan Rickman, etc.) For other people it may vary. So if anybody has ever known someone (plural too), I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. I want to include a quote right here.  “We talk about them, because we’re proud. We talk about them because they deserve to be remembered. We talk about them, because even though they are not physically with us, they are never far from our mind. We talk about them, because they are a part of us, a part that we could never ignore or disown. We talk about them, because we love them still and always will. Forever. Nothing will change that.” Scribbles & Crumbs

Death can be as literal or as symbolic or as imaginative as we want it to be. Although we know people who have died, we can also apply that to thing(s) that are not people like relationships. While we mourn for people who have died, we have also mourned for a relationship that has died or faded away. In both cases we are saying goodbye. I think that it is especially important to come together and stand together.

There is a little inspiration behind this poem. Like everybody else I listen to music and one song that I came across is Sam Smith’s “Lay Me Down.” For people who do not know this song, it goes something like this:

Can I lay by your side?
Next to you, you
And make sure you’re alright
I’ll take care of you
I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you tonight

I love Sam Smith plus his lyrics because they personal and moving. This poem I wrote is in mourning of a guy (who I figuratively lost and is still hypothetical), but can be applied to any person or thing that has died (especially to those people killed by cops). May you all rest in peace! And on a somber note, happy reading to everybody and just know that you are never truly alone. There will be a day where we are reunited once again in a world, hopefully filled with better things that what life has to offer now. Whatever happens, I will be right there beside you. There will be a day where we will get past these deaths (maybe not today, but some other day). Lots of love!! P.S. Just a little side note here that this post is dedicated to the victims in Orlando, Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, Dallas cops, and to countless amounts of other victims. May you all rest in peace.

Reunited Once Again

Lay me down next to him

So he does not feel so alone

In this world that has let

Him down. I want to crawl

Into this cocoon with him

So that he knows that I am

Right there with him. He may

Be as dead and cold as his

Tombstone, but nothing

Including the rain could ever

Disturb the peace. Although

He is lifeless and still, he will

Be alive in my mind where

We are dancing. We are

Laughing and smiling

Although he is no longer

Walking this earth. I am

Missing the twinkle in his

Eyes and the swagger in

The way he moves. I just

Know that we will meet again

And be back to how we used

To be. Now I have to imagine

This life without you in it.

I wished that I would be able

To tell him “I love you”

For the last time, but

He already knew that.

There will always be a

Missing piece in my heart

That he took with him

When he left. He knows that

I will never forget him just

Like I know that he will

Never forget me.

Is this why this is all so painful?

Does moving on truly hurt?

Yes, it does hurt, but I have

To move on. I have to do this

For the both of us. We will

See each other again

In another lifetime

Full with happiness, rainbows,

And other good things.

Update on Losing People

Hi everybody!!!! Here is that poem that I promised. I have already made a few tweaks to it (and I think it feels a little unfinished, but that is just my opinion). Here you go…

Losing You

Things were going as well
As they could go, but then you
Vanished like that. I did not want to dwell

On the past, but I had no clue
What you were doing to me.
You went ahead and threw

Me away like I meant nothing. We are free
From the burdens of it all and
You got what you wanted. Everything felt achy

And unreal. It was like every strand
Was coming undone. What we had
Slipped through our fingers like sand.

I did not know it would be this bad.
We both knew that this would take place.
I cannot sit here and be sad.

I will not forget your face
No matter how much I try to let it fade.
There is nothing between us but space.

I will try to be happy as I bade
You and everything we had goodbye.
I still would never trade

Those memories away. I have to try
To move on and be a better person.
I cannot continue to ask why

You went away. You had to run
Away for whatever reason.
You told me to never stop chasing the sun.

You have left me with a leaden
And heavy heart. The worry
That I was losing you left me broken

And hopeless. I am sorry
For whatever we did to each other.
I could not plea

With you anymore. The answer
Was not there. You were gone.
Everything became a blur.

You told me to move on
Without you and I am finally
Doing that. I got

That part down. I want you here badly
But you do not and will not
Hold that key.

Losing People

This is one difficult thing to talk about. I know I have lost people (like family and friends) because they died or moved away or we just drifted apart. There are also those people who just walk out on us and do not always give us an explanation or a reason why they left. And to be honest sometimes I do the same to other people too (I try not to, but it is sometimes difficult not to do that). It just happens that way sometimes. Loss is hard, especially if that person meant a lot to you and you have no idea what went wrong. Not every relationship is perfect. We all fight with loved ones on daily basis.

I have said that people go in and out of our lives all the time. All we can do is remember the people we lost (and eventually make amends with those people later down the line if life happens that way)  or we can just move on. That is one thing I am constantly learning. It is better to not dwell on the people and things that leave your life for no reason. Those people and things do not and should not matter to you anymore. They do not deserve your time or energy anymore. They have their own problems or issues and they do not involve you anymore. It is mostly different for people who have died (there is nothing we could do about that). I am not focusing on that aspect of this whole loss topic.

This poem (once I get it all finalized and a little bit more polished) is dedicated to all the people that I have lost and for those who are strong enough to make it through without those people in their lives. I know we want to try to get those people back, but it is not always necessary to do so. I have been realizing (especially with a more recent situation when someone left my life) that it is more on their end and not on yours. In other words, do not blame yourself and let them deal with what they need to deal with. I promise my readers that I will get that poem up and running in another post within these next few days (I promise).