Growth

As this year and 2018 comes to an end I want talk about something important. I know that I have talked about something similar in my post “Growing Up,” but as much as the subjects are close similar they are different. We all experience growth at some point, right? Growth is not always sunshine and rainbows because sometimes growth can be just downright painful. It is not just growth, but personal growth. “Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere we don’t belong.” Yes, things in life are painful as I said, but nothing is worse than staying somewhere you do not belong. That is why growth is so important.

Growth is something that is not easy because it can be downright scary and it sometimes take a lot of reflection. You have to think for yourself, especially for something like personal growth. There is this quote I found that is essential to personal growth. “Sometimes personal growth is going to cost you friends, relationships, jobs and material things. Don’t ever stop growing or put your dreams and aspirations on hold in order to keep people and things in your life. It’s not selfish to put yourself and your happiness first, keep growing.” In other words, you cannot let certain people or things keep you from growing and that is especially important, especially in a relationship. I think a part of being in a relationship is growing and building together. That is one piece of advice my mom gave me at one point. She pretty much said you cannot be with someone if they do not help you grow and flourish. If it means cutting off those certain people or things and walking away, so be it. Which is pretty much similar to another quote I have come to love. “The woman you’re becoming will cost you people, relationships, spaces and material things. Choose her over everything.” That quote is a lot like the one I already posted. It is pretty much saying to choose the woman and person you are becoming over everything else.

All that being said… I just want to say that 2018 has been a year of growth. I had to walk away from at least a few situations that were not the best ones to be in and I learned so much. That is another thing about growth… you can definitely learn something from it and it is a process. Here is another quote. “Growth is a process. You gain, you lose, you cry, you grow, you learn, you try, you fail, but you keep trying.” I feel like if you are not growing you are not learning and vice versa. So here is to my readers and my last post of 2018. May you never be afraid of growth because it is just simply another part of life. The good thing is that growth helps you mature and find better things out there. You truly never stop growing or learning. Happy (early) New Year and 2019!! May you all have a happy and healthy start to the new year. And since it is the end of another year I am going to include another quote to end the year on a good note. “If you know me based on who I was a year ago, you don’t know me at all. My growth game is strong. Allow me to reintroduce myself.” Cheers and enjoy these two poems. The other poem is what I resolve to do in 2019 and the new year. Happy reading!!

When Thing Grow – A Villanelle

Make room for things to grow
And mend in your heart cavity.
You have to plant and sow

Your roots. You always know
To stand tall, letting gravity
Make room for things to grow

Into a garden. No sign of a crow,
Signaling your end of depravity.
You have to plant and sow

All of your seeds. You show
Your speed and concavity.
Make room for things to grow

And twist into balls of dough,
With elasticity of your morality.
You have to plant and sow

For everything that will glow
And shine like your reality.
Make room for things to grow.
You have to plant and sow.

2019 New Year’s Resolutions

With 2019 just around the corner I resolve to be loving myself
And be selfish because my love for others is on the high shelf,
Just out of reach. I resolve to be kind to my mind, body and
Gentle soul. I resolve to be patient because I fully understand
That time is precious. I resolve to live every day to the fullest
With sunshine and laughter. I resolve to never let the dullest
Of moments fade away into nothingness. I resolve to let all
The bad memories go and to hang onto the good ones. I fall
But then to get back up and keep going. Life is a battlefield
And I resolve to walk through the fire. I resolve to be healed.

Dark Room

I think I have talked about darkness before, so this may sound a little like a repeat. We have all been in darkness at some point and this may sound a little weird, but we may have all been in a dark room at some point too. I am going to leave that up to interpretation because everyone has their own definitions of darkness and a dark room. I think of it like when you are home alone and you sleep in your dark room. It can be scary and nerve wracking for sure. You may try to turn on the TV or listen to music or doing something to calm your nerves. There are some people who do enjoy it. Either way you learn so much about yourself and there are so many things that can happen. I feel like we are blessed to have things that are dark because it makes us appreciate it that much more. You have to trust it or as one of my favorite hip-hop artists, Kendrick Lamar questions in his song, Poetic Justice with Drake, “If I told you that a flower bloomed in a dark room, would you trust it?” In other words, you have to believe in the darkness and dark room regardless of what happens in this world.

I do not believe that people realize that a dark room is a sacred place. We have all cried, laughed and done other things in between these four walls. I guess in a way they hold our secrets and the truth. It is something to be thankful for as silly as it sounds. I guess what I am saying is to embrace the darkness and dark room as much as you embrace the light, as well as everything else in life. You never know what you might discover in a dark room. Sure, you cannot see as much, but you trust your eyes and things that you may not always see, but sometimes you can feel it. I think I finally found a quote that describes it a bit better. “If you are in a pitch dark room, wait for a few seconds and your eyes gradually start seeing! Patience gives clarity.” In other words, you begin slowly adjust to being in darkness. People are afraid to be in a dark room, but you never know until you try.

In This Dark Room

The dark room begins swaying and tilting.
How the hell did I get here? Maybe I had too
Many shots and drinks from the night before.
I remember your gaze, burning and wilting
Something deep within my fiery soul. You
And me finally all alone with a locked door.
No one was around to watch. I really wanted
To take you home, but we never got that far
As your hands wandered all over me and my
Body. I could not breathe. You have a haunted
Presence that I cannot shake off. Every scar
Is hidden away. We cannot see the blue sky
Inside the darkness anymore. I wish I could
Retain the color of your eyes before the lights
Went out and when our clothes slowly began
Disappearing.  I want to recall all of the good
And clear memories. We all have dark nights
And shadows, but you are always the same man
Within these four walls. Right here is where we
Made a lifetime of moments and memories. No
Truer words spoken than in a room that holds
Our secrets closely. A sacred place that will see
More to come.  No sunlight, but we will grow.
In time everything becomes beautiful and unfolds.

Appreciation For All We Do Have

I have not posted for a while, cannot believe it has been about a month since the last time I posted. Things have been that busy I guess. I wanted to post something about Thanksgiving and I know I am about a week late, but I guess it is better to be late than never. We have a tendency to complain about all the things we do not have instead of all the things we do have. It is just a part of our human nature to worry more about the things we do not have and we forget to appreciate the good things in life.

There are several good quotes about appreciation, thankfulness and gratefulness, but this is one of the best ones I could find by Wale Ayeni who says, “Be thankful for what you have. Your life, no matter how bad you think it is, is someone else’s fairytale.” So in other words, even when your life is bad someone else’s life could be worse or better. I know things have not been going well for some people, but there is so much to be thankful for. I could give a list of what and who I am thankful for. Maybe this list would inspire others to do the same. In fact people should write at least 5 things they are grateful/thankful for. I will start (and it really has not changed much over the years although I keep adding to it). Here it is and I wrote two poems about what I am thankful/grateful for.My list is as follows and might be long so bear with me (and it is not in any particular order:

  1. My parents
  2. My friends – including my two BFFs
  3. My second family on the West and East Coast
  4. Poetry
  5. Music
  6. My sister
  7. My brother
  8. Family friends
  9. Family
  10. Sunrises
  11. Sunsets
  12. Laughter
  13. Love
  14. Heartbreak
  15. Being broke
  16. Failures
  17. Happiness
  18. Roses (and other flowers)
  19. Rain
  20. Sunshine
  21. Chocolate
  22. Food
  23. Shelter
  24. Therapy (favorite store)
  25. My therapist
  26. Clothes
  27. Baking
  28. Exes
  29. Color
  30. And many more things

Here are my two poems I wrote. I forgot to mention this before and I know I need to do more of this, but I hope you show your appreciation to those who have been there for you because there might be a day when they will not be here. Enjoy and be thankful for what you have every single day. You will not regret it one bit.

Thankful For…

The muse that makes every morning more bearable.
All the hugs and kisses that are keeping me stable.
The whispers behind my back that are making me
Grateful for every kind word. When someone sees
Me for the mess that I am, but is continuing to love
Me anyways. To know that the bright world is full of
Harshness and darkness, but there is knowledge that
There is a smile behind the clouds. The quiet and flat
Laughter turning into sunny merriment coming down
The long hallways. When it felt like you could drown
In sorrow and sadness, but the smell of roses turns
That frown into bright eyes. All the scars and burns
Beginning to repair or heal themselves. The tears
That are drying all on their own and all of the fears
That make me strong. The women who came before
And paved the path for me to follow. Hearing my roar.
Being Thankful For Everything
Life has me thankful for it all…
The easy ups and sharp downs.
The pain and every single tear.
My solid and protective wall.
Smiles emerging from frowns.
The hope blooming after fear
Dies away. The times I laughed.
The mistakes I have made. The
People who are there for me.
Moments not photographed.
My safe place. When there is a
Feeling of peace. The rough sea
That becomes calm. The stars
That are still shining. My heart.
Every day that I am still alive
And breathing. Words that are
Mine. Chance for a new start
And the ability to deep dive.

Beginning of Autumn/Fall

Hi everyone. We are halfway through October and I know it has been a while since I posted. Fall is definitely upon us and there are so many things to like about fall like the leaves changing or the change in weather. Whatever it is, I can think of very few reasons to not like fall or maybe I am just biased because it is definitely one of my favorite seasons. The one thing I do not like is the days getting shorter. It is a way to say goodbye to summer and hello to fall/autumn. Here is a quote about fall that I have come to really like. “Autumn paints in colors summer has never seen.” I think that is why autumn is one of my favorite seasons. We get these vivid colors like orange and red, which is different than summer. So I wish my readers a happy fall/autumn. Stay warm and toasty, my friends!! Happy reading.

The Man in the Arena

I am going to do things a little different because this post is going to be a little bit different. This post is inspired by a competition I took part in on DUP and I won this particular competition just recently. The host of this competition took an excerpt from Theodore Roosevelt’s “Citizenship In A Republic” speech which was delivered at the Sorbonne in Paris, France on April 23, 1910. It goes like this… “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” So I took some inspiration from that and wrote a poem based on my interpretation of that speech. Here you go. Cheers!!

Still In the Arena

The glory that is smeared all over my blade like blood.
The crowd may laugh and point at me because I got dirt
On my face, but they duck for cover as they hear the thud

Of feet heading their way. They are all cowards as I hurt,
Stumble, and feel the pain, but I still stay upright. My
Enemy is not the one with sweat all over his torn shirt.

I am the one who is still staying in the arena, eye to eye
With my fears and doubts all on display, but I am not
Scared of failure. I am not terrified of those tears I cry

As they splatter because I made it through every knot.
I survived as everyone around me whispered and crude
Remarks kept coming my way. Every battle that I fought

Was not for the applause or for the ones who screwed
Me over, but for the one who has shown up day after day
And was ready for every fight, me. My hope was renewed

And my faith was stronger than ever before. Every ray
Of sunshine could never shine too bright and the rain
Could never keep me inside. The rocks that try to weigh

Me down feel weightless as feathers and the windowpane
Has no beauty compared to what is happening in the arena.
I am the last one standing and I have gone against the grain.

For The Next Generation

I am not sure if I have talked about this yet, but if I did, my apologies. I am talking about the next generation here. I know that I have said I have concerns for the next generations because of what I see and read about. Sometimes I cannot help, but think about when I have kids, what I would say or give them advice about because there are so many things I could say. There are so many things I wish I could do to make this world a better place for them when they enter this world. All of the violence we see every day and the way we are leaving this world unclean. I wish that I could get rid of that so they would never see that, but those are lessons they need to learn and how to be kind to one another, etc. Like I said there is so much I want to give them advice about, so there is a poem that I wrote that will express what I want for my future child/children. I will get to that at the end of this post.

I am going to dive right in because I want to keep this on the shorter side. One thing I would want them to know is best said by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. She says “We need to teach the next generation of children their responsibilities from day one that they are responsible for their lives. Mankind’s greatest gift, also its greatest curse, is that we have a free choice. We can make our choices built from love or from fear.” So in other words, we each have responsibilities. It is harder to build something from hate rather than love. I wrote more for my future daughter because although both girls and boys go through a lot, I feel like it is a tougher world for young women to live in. This poem is for you.

To My Future Children

To My Future Daughter:

I hope that you find someone who not only
Worships your body, but also your soul and
Everything about you. You are not made to
Only give him pleasure. When you are lonely,
You feel like someone will misunderstand
You. Do not be tempted to make the sky blue
Or make a home out of someone else’s body
Until you understand the universe inside of
You because although it tends to tilt, swirl,
And change it is still your essence. Embody
Your faults and fissures. You possess a love
Filled with stars. You are no longer the girl
I once held in my arms, but you have become
A woman with a mind and opinions. Speak
Your truth and never let anyone or anything
Hold you back. Darling, you have come from
A mother who gave you the world, so seek
And keep exploring it too. Never stop. Sing
Your song at the top of your lungs. Smile.
Laugh. Cry. Learn. I hope that you grow as
Tall like beautiful sunflowers. Be witty.
I hope you will walk and run every mile
That tries to keep you from your topaz-
Sparkling world like the Emerald City.

To My Future Son:

I hope that you are always giving the respect
Women deserve. I hope you become a man
Who loves their smart minds and not just their
Bodies. I hope what you give should not collect
Like raindrops and be fully forgotten, but can
Be used to water those sunflowers. Be the air
That they can trust. Do not be selfish in giving
Everyone the love they deserve and love hard,
But do not become a hallow shell. A woman will
Love you for being yourself. Always be forgiving
Of her past mistakes because she will be scarred
And flawed, not always perfect. Chase your thrill,
But never forget any of her dreams or aspirations.

To My Future Daughter or Son:

Never let anyone take away your foundations.

Euphoria

You know the saying “you have to do what makes you happy?” We all should know that by now. It does not matter what you do or who you are with as long as that person or thing makes you happy. That feeling is called euphoria. When you look up euphoria one of the definitions is as follows (from dictionary.com). “a state of intense happiness and self-confidence.” There is a quote that explains it the best way, in terms of finding that person who makes you feel that. “When you find someone who can make you laugh. Smile. Grow. Lust. Want. Crave. Make you mad but happy. Keep that. That’s euphoria.” But I have also learned that you do not always have to find it within someone else because you can always find it within yourself. It is above happiness. I can go on and on about euphoria, but I will stop there. I hope that my readers go out into the world and find their euphoria. Happy reading! And I will leave you with one more quote by Bill Watterson who says “That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!”

In the Present Moment

Laugh, smile and dance like there is no tomorrow.
It is in that moment, even in the fast pouring rain
That you truly forget about life and every sorrow.

Those tears that you thought would forever stain
Your soul have freed you from the burdens resting
On your shoulders. You are disentangled from pain

Lingering deep within your bones. You are testing
Your strength by walking away from situations that
Are not good and from people who are not investing

In your growth or adding to your happiness. Chitchat,
Noise and the horizon is what you strive to be above.
You deserve more than an empty promise and a flat

Line because you have much to offer with your love.
You always bring peace to this world like a flying dove.

Humankind and Mirrors

This world all around us… there is just something about it and about the people who live in it every day. Humankind I know is far from perfect. There is a power in the use of a mirror because it reflects back something. We use the mirror to look for our perfections and it could be uses to find our flaws like that one blemish or pimple or those laugh lines. There is a really good quote about the mirrors and what they show us. “Mirrors show us what we look like, not who we are.” In other words, mirrors show us what we look like and not what is on the inside. It shows us that we care more about our appearance than what the mirror does not show and sometimes that is a flaw in our world. I am going to keep this post short. So here is a visual poem and I hope that my readers enjoy it!! The name of this visual poem is “Mirror.”

Being Broken

I just want to give a heads up because this is a tricky and difficult subject matter to navigate for a lot of people, including myself. It is tricky because a lot of people do not want to talk about those times when they have been broken. I know I have talked about rough patches and when people struggle. This is one of those things some people struggle with. Being broken may make you think of a rag doll, but it is truly no fun. I have been broken a time or two, but sometimes you do not notice if you are broken until you hit rock bottom and do your best to pull yourself out. There is a quote I found to explain what I mean. “It doesn’t happen all at once, you know? You lose a piece here. You lose a piece there. You slip, stumble, and adjust your grip. A few more pieces fall. It happens so slowly, you don’t even realize you’re broken… until you already are.” So yeah, being broken is equivalent to something like a wall crumbling. You do not always notice it.

The thing about being broken is that you have every right to pull yourself out and try to not be in that same place again. I know because I have been there, but not anymore. The healing part takes the longest because being broken is being depleted of everything. Energy, yourself, etc. Some people do not always realize that they take you down with them. I am proud to say that I am no longer broken. Yeah, sometimes there is a piece or two missing, but it takes great strength and courage to come back from a place of being broken. It makes you appreciate everything so much more like this quote says. “The broken will always be able to love harder than most. Once you’ve been in the dark, you learn to appreciate everything that shines.” Being broken is a lot like being in the dark like that quote says. I couldn’t agree more.

The lesson to this is to never be afraid of being broken. I just hope everyone finds their way out of being broken and in the dark. There is always something on the other side of all of the pain and misery. Furthermore, if you are broken, please do your best to recognize that feeling and try to not bring anybody down with you. Like I said some people do not realize that they do it so if you or anyone you know is feeling this way, just know it is okay to ask for help. Trust me, we can all come out of it. It is difficult and challenging, I know. Just hang in there. I want to leave you all with this last quote for this post. “Until you’re broken, you don’t know what you’re made of. It gives you the ability to build yourself all over again, but stronger than ever.” Here is also a poem to lift your spirits. Much love to you all and always go towards the light.

No Longer Broken

You sneak your way under my exposed skin,
Latching onto sensitive organs. Goosebumps
Dance across my flesh, but every scraped shin
Reminds me of a time when I avoided the jumps
Only to come crashing into you. You tried fixing
And patching me up. Every smile and every laugh
Became raised words with silent actions, mixing
In excuses to throw me off my game. I was not half
Of the woman you made me out to be, but could
Simply be that girl who did not know any better.
You own the bad parts of me, but never the good
Parts too. You could have easily been my sweater,
But you left me standing out in the cold, in need
And begging for more like a drug addict, looking
Over my shoulder. I know you will never succeed
In making me feel that way ever again, hooking
And sinking me with dishonesty while escaping
The truth like the plague. I could not let you
Continue to be molding, forming and shaping
Me into that broken girl again because I have to
Believe in being something other than a rag doll.
I am not the one to kneel down to you and crawl.

Spirit Animal

I want to talk about something we have all thought about at some point. I believe that we all have some kind of spirit animal. I have never really thought about it myself until there was a competition on DUP that had that theme. I really had to sit and think of what my spirit animal is. I took one test which did not help at all, but then I took another one and I got elephant as my answer. When I saw the description I thought it described me perfectly and made me realize how much I love elephants. One of my closest friends got me a necklace with a super tiny elephant on it. I believe she got it for me for my graduation or maybe my birthday and in her card she read somewhere how elephants brought luck. So I started wearing it every time I needed some luck like when I had a job interview or when I started my internship. That necklace is very special for me. Now I am going back to why I think the elephant is my spirit animal. I took this test and this is what it said about my results. “You are the kind of person who needs their social life and family to be happy, but you are also wise and philosophical. You’ve got a memory that recalls everything, even the details that others may have allowed themselves to forget. In mind and body you are full of energy and spirit, but a calmness as well. And, if all that wasn’t great enough, you’ve got a good head resting on your shoulders, filled with sharp intelligence and gentle compassion.” I feel like that is a great description of who I am. So go ahead and find your spiritual animal because I think it might help you discover who you are. Sorry, there are no quotes with this post, but there is still a poem. Happy reading!!

Elephant Within

With one step they the have the power to destroy cities and rewrite
All of this history, but the elephants always help you remember
The memories to your name. Their eyes hold the burning light
And smoldering energy. Their wrinkled skin, the color of ember
Has weathered all of the brewing storms and dry deserts. The laugh
Lines that are just like folds and within all of the extra layers of life.
Someone who always sees what happens both before and after
The calmness. The one who keeps their heads level and their knife
Wielding skills in check. The one who floats above water and still
Has a smile. At the end of the day they still keep climbing up that hill.